Things are on hold until I know what I'm doing or where I'm going to be...

Have you ever been in this position or in this inbetween phase right now? You want to do a few things, move on, start fresh, but things are on hold because you don't know where you want to be or with whom?

I want to buy a few new things, move somewhere new, find a nice place, decorate it, get a big big TV, a new bike (decent road bicycle to keep fit), a pet.... basically settle down and finally call a place home. Do some travelling, live a little. My friends are either in relationships, they never lived anywhere else (lacking desire) or have no money.

All of the above, it seems to be on hold for me though. I lived with my Mum and moved around the UK a few times. I then moved to London with a girlfriend, then back home to Oxford. I landed in a 6 1/2 year relationship in Germany, then my Mum died this year. The German relationship turned out either I had to choose Germany forever, or call it quits. So that's what I did, I couldn't handle everything. I gave my 100% and learnt German, lived in East Germany for 16 months, but with a really bad start to the year, I gave it all up. Just wasn't meant to be. I'm not dwelling on that.

I'm 32, but look and feel a lot younger. I'm just fresh out of a relationship since 3 months, the ex kept sending SMS, letters or contacting on facebook, begging to be atleast friends (even though she's already started dating other guys).

I just want to find someone (not just any girl, but compatable etc.), settle down. I'm really at this stage right now, but meeting someone in the town I live in, it's not a big town, lots of people know each other or related. It's not easy finding that right one is it? Is it being too pedantic? Aiming high, but not actually having the opportunity to find this person.

I do get bored fairly easily, which explains why I want to travel, try something new, but also wanting somebody to do this with. Does anybody else ever get this way? It seems like my friends are content with ALWAYS being in this town, not looking for something else. I understand it's probably a comfort zone, but I've moved around a fair amount when I was younger, then recently in a different Country.

hey simon i'm in the same boat as you are. don't have any advice but just letting you know your not the only one feeling that way.

You are very lucky.
You are free to make all your own choices.
Very little baggage.
Enjoy the space :-)

Good to know. Thanks mate.

I do love the feeling of being able to go anywhere I want, whenever I want... but it gets boring alone. That's the problem.

I don't have any contracts, no car, no mortgage, nothing at all to tie me down. It feels brilliant, but after a while, it's just not the same to share all of that with somebody with the same attitude.

yea i agree, but i do have a tuck, mortgage, so i just can't up and leave whenever i want to, gotta plan that. but it is nice t ohave freedom to do what i want without getting the ok from the better half. but i'm not completely alone, i have a dog and we go for walks and rides, but it's not the same as a person.

You are correct, that you can't cram in a whole life story & explain who you are in a couple of paragraphs. I`ll elabroate a little on what you've pointed out.

I don't work, only been back in the country a couple of months. I was working for IBM in Germany. Now that I am back in the UK, I'm taking it easy, using it as me time to evaluate things. I think I deserve it after such a bad time this year.

I do know what I want in my future, I listed that above I'm analytical, methodical about certain aspects of life, but then again sometimes it's just best to go with instincts.

Your assumption of thinking it would be hard for someone to commit to a relationship with me, basing on that I said I get bored easily. I did just spend 6 1/2 years in a relationship, that only ended because of my late Mum, the different language/country, the confineds within my ex's Parent's house in a single room for 10 months solid, living in the middle of nowhere (no internet, no bars, no restaurants, no cinema, just fields and animals - unless we got a train or took a car). I did that twice, for 16 months in total all because I wanted to be with her.

I know this is my thread that I started off, but I don't want it to be a me me me thread lol. I was talking in general, about this inbetween phase.

Thank you lol... well imagine that and the possibility of that being your future. Now add on the the loss of a Mother, no real friends in that Country. Just you, the partner, her parents & the family pets... forever (she wanted us to convert all of upstairs in the big house to be ours, living with her parents).

Chin up my good man.

Yes the passing of your mom sucks. Sorry about that but, at least you had a mom. Remember the times.

Now, on to the rest of it.

Being alone can be great. It really helps to have a hobby to concentrate on instead of staring at four walls and listening to silence. Try a few inexpensive things to see if anything really catches your interest. (cooking, models, simple art, bicycling)

The german thing...it happens and yeah, they always end up wanting to be friends to use you as a fall back when things nose dive for her with whatever schwantz she is doinking. What's done is done. At least you had the nuts to give it a shot. Good for you for even being man enough to take the chance.

If I may suggest....don't look for someone. It is a wasted effort brother. Real love always comes up when you aint expecting it and will totally jack up your life (in a good way).

Till then, focus on you. If you want some nice things...go earn em. Get that bike. GET A DOG! You won't be nearly as bored or lonely. I swear! (not a puppy...a dog from an animal shelter it will love you instantly and will show you a real love that goes beyond words.)

I have spent toooooo much time in my home town and in the past year or so, I have started travelling alot around Texas and the U.S. It is a freaking kick to just take off and go somewhere.....meet some new people and just see the sights. It's also a good way to meet new people cause it is all afresh start. Just from the little of you that I have read, you seem like a descent sort. I think you will do just fine bro.

Just try to remember to enjoy your life....it may be the only one ya got.

lol love your view on things ya nutter

I am doing more things since being single. Bowling, playing pool, exercising (jogging & cycling with an old crappy bike).

As for travelling, I'd love to do that around a new Country. Somewhere like the states or Oz is very appealing, same language, nice climates. Need to grow some balls to do that on my own.

Buying that dog or that bike now, or any of the other stuff I wanted... that would tie me down you see. That's why I'm holding off until I know I can settle somewhere. I'd love for that moment to happen, find that person, that place and say wow now this is where I want to be forever.

without going into detail (because this is about u not me), I have been in your position quite a few times, actually. I left home 2 weeks after HS graduation - still 17, and never went back...

you will want to stay employed even if it's not a dream job because when you get to where ever u are going you will need a resume that shows continuous consistent employment. what u are feeling is a normal restlessness for your age and for someone who has just ended a LTR.

do the things you want to do a little at a time - one step at a time - break it down....smaller goals are easier to accomplish - the way u are looking at it now is WAAAAAY huge - too huge

good luck, love yourself! be happy w/ who u are - u sound like a nice person


and u like Limitless!