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| Topic: Searching for a "needle" in a "haystack!" | |
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I've always viewed love as searching for a "needle" in a "haystack!"...It's not always easy to find a "needle" in a "haystack!" It takes a lot of patience and work and effort to keep sifting through the hay. And it might take a long, long time to find the needle!...I don't have any illusions about myself. I realize that I am not a good "match" for everyone. And most men probably wouldn't be a good "match" for me either! (I'm pretty "off the wall" and "too weird" for "average men!")....The point I'm trying to make is that we have to stop trying to appeal to the "masses" and define and limit our search to people who are more "like us!"...We don't live in a "one size fits all" type of world! Everyone is not going to like us or "want us." We're not going to be everyone's first choice or "cup of tea!" And I think we set ourselves up for needless rejection over and over again by going after the "wrong people!" (Versus trying to zero-in on people who would be a better "match" for us!) How do you feel about it? Thanks!
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The easiest way to find a needle in a haystack...
 You just need the right magnet! |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with.
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Actually, I have found when I "search" for love, it is not to be found...for really, I'm insecure about myself. However, whenever I'm not looking, that's when it smacks right into me.
I'm not looking for love right now. I'm happy with who I am. |
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Actually, I have found when I "search" for love, it is not to be found...for really, I'm insecure about myself. However, whenever I'm not looking, that's when it smacks right into me. I'm not looking for love right now. I'm happy with who I am. |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... |
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Heck I quit looking for that needle and would rather find the pitch fork that I can get along with.... flaws and all....
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The easiest way to find a needle in a haystack... You just need the right magnet! |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... |
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Heck I quit looking for that needle and would rather find the pitch fork that I can get along with.... flaws and all....  I love this answer!! |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. |
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Edited by
Sandelwood4
on
Mon 09/19/11 11:12 AM
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... Me three. I never get any e-mails or rarely, but I do prefer that over too many meaningless messages. I had one date so far whom I contacted. What adds salt to the wound is when no one understand your point of view and say things that are completely inaccurate, like your expectations are too high or you really don't want to date. |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... Me three. I never get any e-mails or rarely, but I do prefer that over too many meaningless messages. I had one date so far whom I contacted. What adds salt to the wound is when no one understand your point of view and say things that are completely inaccurate, like your expectations are too high or you really don't want to date. I get that all the time! They say things like "You must not really be interested in being with anybody if you won't accept someone with kids." Rather a presumptuous leap of logic there.... What I've come to understand over the years is that, when someone says something like that, what they're REALLY saying is "I can't comprehend anyone wanting something other than what I want." Which tells me I can ignore them, because they obviously have no idea of how to see things from anyone else's perspective. If I wanted to live in a one-way, turn-your-brain-off, let-everybody-else-make-all-your-decisions-for-you world, I would have stayed married. |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... Me three. I never get any e-mails or rarely, but I do prefer that over too many meaningless messages. I had one date so far whom I contacted. What adds salt to the wound is when no one understand your point of view and say things that are completely inaccurate, like your expectations are too high or you really don't want to date. I get that all the time! They say things like "You must not really be interested in being with anybody if you won't accept someone with kids." Rather a presumptuous leap of logic there.... What I've come to understand over the years is that, when someone says something like that, what they're REALLY saying is "I can't comprehend anyone wanting something other than what I want." Which tells me I can ignore them, because they obviously have no idea of how to see things from anyone else's perspective. If I wanted to live in a one-way, turn-your-brain-off, let-everybody-else-make-all-your-decisions-for-you world, I would have stayed married. Yes. It takes too much energy and time trying to make people understand. But I believe that it's a human need wanting to feel understood. We may know what we want in our hearts, and in logic we may not need people to agree with us but being not understood repeatedly can't be a healthy thing. The way I usually deal with that, to some extend, is to isolate myself. It's sad but works better than the other way. Another way is through creativity. Sometimes presenting the dilemma in writing or through video or music can make people see things they couldn't before. |
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Actually, I have found when I "search" for love, it is not to be found...for really, I'm insecure about myself. However, whenever I'm not looking, that's when it smacks right into me. I'm not looking for love right now. I'm happy with who I am. To a degree this is often the case. Seems all the ones I choose arent the right ones...the ones that choose me...tend to be more accurate. Maybe I subconsciously realize that they sought me out and therefore I accept their affection as being more legit and I dont feel as much as a pacifier |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... Me three. I never get any e-mails or rarely, but I do prefer that over too many meaningless messages. I had one date so far whom I contacted. What adds salt to the wound is when no one understand your point of view and say things that are completely inaccurate, like your expectations are too high or you really don't want to date. I get that all the time! They say things like "You must not really be interested in being with anybody if you won't accept someone with kids." Rather a presumptuous leap of logic there.... What I've come to understand over the years is that, when someone says something like that, what they're REALLY saying is "I can't comprehend anyone wanting something other than what I want." Which tells me I can ignore them, because they obviously have no idea of how to see things from anyone else's perspective. If I wanted to live in a one-way, turn-your-brain-off, let-everybody-else-make-all-your-decisions-for-you world, I would have stayed married. Yes. It takes too much energy and time trying to make people understand. But I believe that it's a human need wanting to feel understood. We may know what we want in our hearts, and in logic we may not need people to agree with us but being not understood repeatedly can't be a healthy thing. The way I usually deal with that, to some extend, is to isolate myself. It's sad but works better than the other way. Another way is through creativity. Sometimes presenting the dilemma in writing or through video or music can make people see things they couldn't before. I'm more or less naturally isolated, anyway, because of where I live, so it's not something I have to deal with in real life. But I've reached the point where I don't see any real need to get into it very much anymore, anyway, since most people react with complete astonishment to the idea that someone could conceivably not want kids or not drink. They would be more receptive to the proposal that I have some mystical ability to turn into a polar bear and shoot lasers out of my eyes. |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... Me three. I never get any e-mails or rarely, but I do prefer that over too many meaningless messages. I had one date so far whom I contacted. What adds salt to the wound is when no one understand your point of view and say things that are completely inaccurate, like your expectations are too high or you really don't want to date. I get that all the time! They say things like "You must not really be interested in being with anybody if you won't accept someone with kids." Rather a presumptuous leap of logic there.... What I've come to understand over the years is that, when someone says something like that, what they're REALLY saying is "I can't comprehend anyone wanting something other than what I want." Which tells me I can ignore them, because they obviously have no idea of how to see things from anyone else's perspective. If I wanted to live in a one-way, turn-your-brain-off, let-everybody-else-make-all-your-decisions-for-you world, I would have stayed married. Yes. It takes too much energy and time trying to make people understand. But I believe that it's a human need wanting to feel understood. We may know what we want in our hearts, and in logic we may not need people to agree with us but being not understood repeatedly can't be a healthy thing. The way I usually deal with that, to some extend, is to isolate myself. It's sad but works better than the other way. Another way is through creativity. Sometimes presenting the dilemma in writing or through video or music can make people see things they couldn't before. I'm more or less naturally isolated, anyway, because of where I live, so it's not something I have to deal with in real life. But I've reached the point where I don't see any real need to get into it very much anymore, anyway, since most people react with complete astonishment to the idea that someone could conceivably not want kids or not drink. They would be more receptive to the proposal that I have some mystical ability to turn into a polar bear and shoot lasers out of my eyes. That is funny. But if you wanted, you could move to an area where there were more like minded people, right? I assume you like the secluded life. |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... Me three. I never get any e-mails or rarely, but I do prefer that over too many meaningless messages. I had one date so far whom I contacted. What adds salt to the wound is when no one understand your point of view and say things that are completely inaccurate, like your expectations are too high or you really don't want to date. I get that all the time! They say things like "You must not really be interested in being with anybody if you won't accept someone with kids." Rather a presumptuous leap of logic there.... What I've come to understand over the years is that, when someone says something like that, what they're REALLY saying is "I can't comprehend anyone wanting something other than what I want." Which tells me I can ignore them, because they obviously have no idea of how to see things from anyone else's perspective. If I wanted to live in a one-way, turn-your-brain-off, let-everybody-else-make-all-your-decisions-for-you world, I would have stayed married. Yes. It takes too much energy and time trying to make people understand. But I believe that it's a human need wanting to feel understood. We may know what we want in our hearts, and in logic we may not need people to agree with us but being not understood repeatedly can't be a healthy thing. The way I usually deal with that, to some extend, is to isolate myself. It's sad but works better than the other way. Another way is through creativity. Sometimes presenting the dilemma in writing or through video or music can make people see things they couldn't before. I'm more or less naturally isolated, anyway, because of where I live, so it's not something I have to deal with in real life. But I've reached the point where I don't see any real need to get into it very much anymore, anyway, since most people react with complete astonishment to the idea that someone could conceivably not want kids or not drink. They would be more receptive to the proposal that I have some mystical ability to turn into a polar bear and shoot lasers out of my eyes. That is funny. But if you wanted, you could move to an area where there were more like minded people, right? I assume you like the secluded life. One thing I've found from using sites which are international in scope -- there really don't seem to BE any places where there would be more like-minded people. Or, if there are, they are so far underground that no one outside of them has any inkling they even exist. |
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I can't find anyone who I could match with. I have too many off the wall ideas that most don't want to have anything to do with. I have the same problem....seems like nobody wants a guy who isn't willing to turn off his brain and become a cardboard cutout.... Me three. I never get any e-mails or rarely, but I do prefer that over too many meaningless messages. I had one date so far whom I contacted. What adds salt to the wound is when no one understand your point of view and say things that are completely inaccurate, like your expectations are too high or you really don't want to date. I get that all the time! They say things like "You must not really be interested in being with anybody if you won't accept someone with kids." Rather a presumptuous leap of logic there.... What I've come to understand over the years is that, when someone says something like that, what they're REALLY saying is "I can't comprehend anyone wanting something other than what I want." Which tells me I can ignore them, because they obviously have no idea of how to see things from anyone else's perspective. If I wanted to live in a one-way, turn-your-brain-off, let-everybody-else-make-all-your-decisions-for-you world, I would have stayed married. Yes. It takes too much energy and time trying to make people understand. But I believe that it's a human need wanting to feel understood. We may know what we want in our hearts, and in logic we may not need people to agree with us but being not understood repeatedly can't be a healthy thing. The way I usually deal with that, to some extend, is to isolate myself. It's sad but works better than the other way. Another way is through creativity. Sometimes presenting the dilemma in writing or through video or music can make people see things they couldn't before. I'm more or less naturally isolated, anyway, because of where I live, so it's not something I have to deal with in real life. But I've reached the point where I don't see any real need to get into it very much anymore, anyway, since most people react with complete astonishment to the idea that someone could conceivably not want kids or not drink. They would be more receptive to the proposal that I have some mystical ability to turn into a polar bear and shoot lasers out of my eyes. That is funny. But if you wanted, you could move to an area where there were more like minded people, right? I assume you like the secluded life. That was stupid of me to say. I don't know where those like minded people really are either. 
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