from: http://relationshiplaboratory.com/1-reason-relationships-dont-work-out/


So why the hell do most relationships not work out??

...........People picked the wrong person to get involved in a relationship with in the first place.

Most relationships start because people are horny, or lonely, or tired and desperate or just finally found someone who they feel “comfortable” with and it’s better to be with someone like that than alone. But that does not make for a recipe for relationship success.

The main reason people end up with the wrong person is that they don’t have enough choice. They’ll date around a bit and join up with the first or second decent person who comes along who fulfills a list of certain criteria and makes them feel good. But they don’t really think long-term about whether this person has the same long term goals, ambitions and lifestyle as they do. People tend to get into relationships based on short term lust and short term needs satiation, rather than with a practical understanding of whether the two individuals are really compatible.

Of course, it’s never really obvious if you will have a good relationship until you get to know someone over an extended period of time. The best advice is to date many people and take your time making a decision. You want a large pool of potential applicants to choose from and you want to choose wise



BTW, date does not equal have sex with,,,lol

I dont think its necessarily about picking the wrong person, sometimes its just fun dating and finding out. Of course, not every relationship is destined to be "the one" or even long term, and thats ok. Often dating, or relationships, help us find out more about ourselves as well as the other person, and we can accumulate much understanding of ourselves and how we work within relationships with different types of characters/ppl.

As far as im concerned, everything happens for a reason, whether it be to bring fun into our lives, to bring ppl, or to bring experiences that we learn from. There is no guarantee that anything is permanent. I think the secret is not to take anything for granted, or expect it to be permanent, but to live for the moment and see what grows from it.

msharmony, I just read the site you posted. Thanks for posting that it helped me a lot. I just posted a thread about meeting my ex. After reading it I feel better now and ready to push forward. Glad to be apart of a forum with nice understanding people in it.

the feeling is mutual yb,,

You say "horny" like it's a bad thing.

Number one reason in my mind,,,Because ONE of them or BOTH,,are NOT HONEST with their other..

Number two reason,,,THEY(one of them) only wanted to use their other.

Number three, found out through meeting them that they were not for each other after a trial of time spent in THAT?

Number four,, One was NOT really ready to move forward,,as they were still in love with their ex,,whatever that ex meaning is,,but their past lover...?

Number five,,IF kids involved,,,how that other was with them in person or talk,,they felt them not to be RIGHT?

Number six, One KILLED the OTHER and went to prison,,,,

THAT woke ya up HUH?,,,,

Ditto!

Interesting website

hi msharmony , i could not agree more but u have to be so careful , if i ever got back into a long term relationship again i would make it clear that at first we should build a great friendship . why is it that sometimes we treat our partners so bad the way we talk to eachother the way we row the way we treat eachother is it because deep down we are not true friends may be we got together for the wrong reasons . people are not propety even if you do love them you can not treat them as you like just because they happen tobe your partner . you would never never treat a friend like that . so friendship is so so important to me , there is nothing wrong with having many good friends as long as your both honest with eachother . i so agree about the sex thing although sex is beautiful with the right person meaningless sex is a bit empty .it shold be the last reason to get together , but with the right person its the icing on a beautiful cake just my english view lol

omg, a MALE that gets it ,,,ty

we are not all cavemen lol

haaa, I know it, I grew up in a household of males that caused me (In some way) to have the standards I have

its just so hard to find guys like my siblings or my father,,, the modern dating 'game' is so prevalent anymore,,

make them proud and keep your standards you seem tobe one of the nice guys . sent you an email earlier

I recently told a friend of mine (who is single) that he needed to "phuck a lot of women". I said this because he falls in love with every woman he meets and has an interest in. I'm not kidding. Dude has such a good heart and he wants so much to be in love. But because he cannot distinguish what love is, he feels that when he likes a woman and she likes him back, that he is "in love". And it never works for him.

Look. I grow tired of people wanting to take sex as being so "evil". When the hell did adults become such prudes and not want sex? Oh. Right. We have to be in love for fear of just being another notch in the belt. We want substance. Yea. That's great. But why miss out on some great sex while you look? Is it really such a bad thing? I don't think so. And I told my friend that as long as he was honest about his intentions, and the woman was acceptable to it, then go for it. Have fun. Sex it up. And I say this because when he does meet a woman that just utterly moves him in a way no other woman has, he is going to realize that she is more to him. He will know that she has the potential to be that love he has always wanted. And no, I am not saying he needs to phuck all the women he meets. Just saying that he needs to not put pressure on himself to find love, which he does.

I say this too because those "good guys" that women pass up on are normally guys who don't look to get laid. Nor do they ever date because they are so scared to. And when they meet a girl, they tend to get (1) clingy, or (2) they fall in love so fast that they get hurt. A good woman falls into this too, and thus these good guys and gals get the short end of the stick. Anyways, I think the pressure we put on ourselves makes us make bad choices. We shouln't "need" anyone. We should "want" someone and we shouldn't be afraid to have fun while searching. That's all I'm saying. Sure many will feel I'm wrong, but eh....Goof goes to the beat of his own drum. End of line...

sex is not 'evil' at all

to each their own and for some sex is merely 'fun', but for others it means more and thats ok too

for me, I know the emotions that evolve from 'sex' makes it much more than just some random 'fun' activity,, (for me), so I dont risk such emotions on a whim for the sake of the momentary physical satisfaction


I agree, if someone wants just 'fun sex' in the interim, they should be honest and find others who are like minded

the important part is finding others who are like minded, and being honest about what the 'goal' is

Well, I do live in the Bible belt.

So why the hell do most relationships not work out??



I think we can learn a lot by looking at the ones that do - or at least did for a long time

they are best friends and share common goals and values (and sex)

when a relationship fails often one or both partners is not having his or her needs met and had bottled that up - not just sexual needs, but needs of companionship, intimacy, or loyalty

they will fail if one partner is fickle (even if he or she does not actually cheat), they will fail if partners do not "call each other out" sometimes

they will fail if u don;t ever argue - a "good" argument is actally a negotiation

they will fail if u or your partner feels neglected, used or taken forgranted - so selfishness is OUT - snd if you can't grow up and lose the selfishness get a shrink

so be a best friend! and u & your partner both win

A VERY GOOD answer to it working out,,,,and may I say that all of the ones I have dated,,have remained my good friends...and as I say this,,I feel many MIGHT be thinking FWB,,and NO,,never THAT,,Just good friends as we found out,,WE just were not what WE thought we could be,,,but THAT doesn't ,,(or shouldn't) take away the friendships made...
Just like YOU have written above here.....Thanks for your words here...many can learn through them..

most relationships don't work out because people do not know how to have a relationship!

Most relationships don't work out because most people are selfish.