A girl in my neighberhood went on a date with a guy she fell inlove with online.after 2weeks the police found her hands tied,naked in a room. 2guysexualy abused her...its dificult to geto know people better withoutaking risk.however its more importanto play save than to jump ina stranger car believing hes taking you to a0cofee shop.be carefull.

That is indeed horrific. I do hope that your experiences are more pleasant.

That's terrible.
There are great risks when getting to know people,
no more than real life.

Sorry about your friend.

That is why I like to go with a group of people I know. Safety is good. I mean if someone does a background check on you it doesn't have to seem like a bad thing. It can help in accepting another person. I know it makes it makes a big difference in the place I work. I think it could even help in dating. It is like after a while it may seem like that person should just be there. Not as a piece of furniture per se but as someone stable, reliable and a good reflection on you. Ambiance I think it has even been described.

This is just the reason, you should check into the person you are talking to. Google their name and email address. Look it up on facebook. Always meet in a public place until your comfortable, drive your own car. Don't just trust from the first minute. This should be common sense these days. Remember the first person to watch out for you-- is YOU. Being that I work in Law Enforcement, I am VERY aware of the dangers of strangers, even the nicest guy, with the nicest car can be criminally minded.
Stay safe all, look into people before you meet them.

In most cases, it really isn't that hard to check a person out online like Troublebug suggests. I've done it a number of times. It's how I track down scammers and spammers. Plus I know a few other sites, and have a subscription to a service for other info. The main thing is that it can sometimes take some time and creative thinking. For the most part, it really isn't that hard though.

I once showed my (ex)girlfriend a list of all the names I had blocked online because I found out they were scammers or solicitors. There were about 40 names on the list. (I keep a record because some will disappear for three months then make another attempt.) Many were obvious, but maybe 15 weren't. I had to trace them through different social and dating websites. Some I had to go even further than that.

For instance, there is a Russian scammer who often operates from both eastern Europe and a couple countries in Africa (and not the usual suspects either). She has several aliases, and her photos are difficult to trace. However, she still uses Ekaterina, Katya, and Katerina (her original aliases) as primary names. I pulled up a site which mentioned she was wanted by Interpol in 6 different countries for fraud. All the info I had gathered matched up, and then I found 2 other sites with more info on her. All of it was free.

When it comes to more violent or sexual crimes, it can be worthwhile to subscribe to a site which can run a full background search including criminal record. Not every place has a sex offender registry. So unless you check the criminal record, you may not find out until it's too late.

Don't give up on your local match maker service. It is usually a local person who is happily married or in a relationship that just thinks that two of her friends should be together. So far she has tried to fix me up twice. Since she found out that I am basically shy, cautious and really not all that smart when it comes to women she has taken all of that into account. And I am really curious who she try to fix me up with next.

On the first date (generally dining out) I tell the woman she can bring a friend, I'll pay for it.

Do they actually bring someone?

I don't really think bringing a friend on a date is necessary. Just meet in a public place.

Not yet, I prefer public places too. I just want them to know that's an option if they don't feel safe.

Awwwww! That is so nice!

That is very sad that that happened to her. It's just a reminder to us all to be careful.

That's y..I got my concealed permit...cause I don't know much about self defense any other way...

That's awful!!

I ve noticed a lot of men in the online dating world after chatting and gradually moving to the phone and the initial meet n greet over coffee or drinks often ask for the first date to be dinner at their place. its a common "I'll cook for you". Granted this is a sweet gesture. However, this is usually is a red flag for me from experience. Typically the guy just wants to get me in bed or is just too cheap both a turn off.

Not to mention in this poor girls experience ....a very bad decision. I think reading between the lines and seeing someone's true intentions is vital in the online dating world if not just in love in general.

Society ****in' disappoints me these days, now we have free background checks, we can fact-check with the likes of Facebook or Google...And worse of all, we have to.

It's a nice thought, but I think it would be very awkward.

Great advice, and I'll admit at one point, I totally forgot what is the right way to date.

Sometimes we hate due to past experiences. But, we often search for alternatives.

Yeah, I'd meet up in a public place, now you mention it.

But, to be honest, dating websites, even the internet in general, does very little for me, on the dating front.

If I am to meet my true love, then it will be on one of my public affairs :D

A background check won't always help. The lack of a criminal record does not mean safety. The best thing to do is trust your instincts, take it slow and keep it public for a while.

Ruth is right, but it's good to more than one level of "protection". It should be a given that the first few dates be a meeting in a public place. Sometimes they can bring friends, hence the "double-date" concept. Many people meet and hook up from hanging out with a common group of friends these days. It substitutes for the "getting to know you" phase of dating without actually having a date.

The days of picking someone up at home on the first date are disappearing as people move more often rather than living in one place for most of their lives. We no longer know the people in our neighborhoods as well as we once did, and those same neighborhoods have grown in size. Even after several dates, a person could turn out to be completely different than the impression formed. Date rape can happen weeks after the first date. It can even happen after the break up of a relationship. There is no hard and fast rule.

The biggest thing is to not live in fear of what may happen. No matter what you do or how you protect yourself, there is still a risk that you have to be willing to accept. Precautions are just a way to reduce that risk to a point where you feel comfortable accepting it. If you keep trying to eliminate risk, you will always fail. Something can always happen. If anyone ever finds oneself in that position, it is time re-evaluate how important it really is to you then act accordingly.

The best part of what Ruth says is "take it slow and keep it public for a while." Great words of advice that many overlook too often. Some of us (like myself) can get swept up it the moment, then burn out quick. It can take some work to keep things slow. Practice makes perfect. At least in my case, I hope it does.

SO TRUE. I didn't mean to imply background checks were not worthwhile. They are. Especially if you've decided you want to move past the initial dating stage. Or if you're going to fly across the country....that's a pretty big investment so you might as well do the background check early.

The only reason I don't suggest them for every date you go on is that they are not free. So, meet in person in a public place a few times and get a feel for them. If you think you both want to move on to more intimate dating scenarios (whatever that may be) then I'd suggest the background check.

I agree, Action, my problem is always that I have moved too fast. S l o w l y......is the way to go.