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| Topic: open up let em in | |
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So many relationships have tough times because we don't open up ourselves truly to the other person. We keep so many parts to our lives private cause we think we might frighten them away before we have a chance to be with them. Well if you feel this way you may be doomed to never truly be with another. Opening up to another soul is the most beautiful form of communication you can imagine. There's no pretending, no facade covered flaw (in your mind) that you have to introduce later. To be accepted, truly accepted, is the most liberating feeling on the planet. And to give acceptance to another is the perfectly wrapped gift opened. Are you in hiding? Yes, I am in hiding. There are things I would never tell anyone and would take them to my grave. My private life is exactly that; its private and I intend to keep it that way. . Besides there are things that I have gone through that I just can't discuss with another person as a result of my career and if they can't accept that then its their problem. Opening up to someone isn't going to help me one way or another; its just something that person will hold over you when they get mad at you. Some things are just better kept to yourself. After I read your post I tried to think of something I wouldn't tell my partner and couldn't come up with anything. I think for me I need that in a relationship. I don't know if I need to know everything about my partner, but I have this open book thing about me to them. I guess the other thing to think about that if you are completely open to your partner and the relationship ends on a bad note; what are the chances that person would tell everyone that personal tidbit about you in revenge. I have seen some nasty posts about ex-girlfriends/boyfriends on Facebook that could totally destroy a person. However I guess if you both know each other's deep and dark secrets; you could have a stalemate on that issue. 
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you know, those hard, maybe even dark, places of us is where we often find the most intimacy when shared with one we love. a true love will gently hold those places and allow the other person to know it's okay to let go, they will catch you. In that case, I hope some day I experience true love. But in the meantime, there are dark places that I don't share with anyone. I had a pretty freaky childhood. i hope so too! and notice i did say 'allow the other person to know it's okay'... sometimes just that is enough. 
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you know, those hard, maybe even dark, places of us is where we often find the most intimacy when shared with one we love. a true love will gently hold those places and allow the other person to know it's okay to let go, they will catch you. In that case, I hope some day I experience true love. But in the meantime, there are dark places that I don't share with anyone. I had a pretty freaky childhood. Yeah I can relate to the freaky childhood. I found when I opened up about it; I suddenly went from a strong muscular woman; to being treated like some little weak petite china doll. Suddenly the person is tip toeing around me and really making me feel uncomfortable. |
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there are subjects and experiences i have no problom talking about or opening up to.then there are others i used a broom and rug for a reason.
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In hiding? What's the point? If you feel you can't open up to that person, then you shouldn't be in that relationship.
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So many relationships have tough times because we don't open up ourselves truly to the other person. We keep so many parts to our lives private cause we think we might frighten them away before we have a chance to be with them. Well if you feel this way you may be doomed to never truly be with another. Opening up to another soul is the most beautiful form of communication you can imagine. There's no pretending, no facade covered flaw (in your mind) that you have to introduce later. To be accepted, truly accepted, is the most liberating feeling on the planet. And to give acceptance to another is the perfectly wrapped gift opened. Are you in hiding? simply, yes...lol ITs something (amongst many) I will have to work on but , if I am honest with myself, I have a strong tendency to listen alot more than I speak. This naturally tends to me not revealing nearly so much about myself and expecting to learn everything I can about my partner. I assume (which I shouldnt) that those things which are important to them are things they will ask about and I am totally honest when I am asked, but I am pretty slow to volunteer alot of things.,,, |
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I agree with what Ladylid2012 and Navygirl have to say. I don't trust anybody anymore, that's just the way it is. Have been in relationships where I've "opened up" only to have it thrown back in my face.....not that I have any deep, dark secrets or skeletons hiding in the closet (lol). I do let people know upfront that I have trust issues.That's why I'm not into meeting anyone or dating at this time.
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Are you in hiding? I dont & I cant. I believe,there are few disadvantages of not keeping anything as private / secret from partner but it helps me to be tention free. |
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Peeling away those layers to self in front of the one you love or want to love is something I can't be without. If their not able to handle it well that's ok. In that case it allows me to be able to offer friendship.
I've been in a couple relationships that had hidden pieces and parts but that was just how the relationships were "hidden and in pieces". Jealousy was always right around the corner for those partners because they could not conceive of my actions being genuine. How could they their glasses were stained to the color they not only wanted to see but were also blinded by. These women often talked to their male friends about what they thought was going on not aware that they were creating a story of fiction. By the time their story built enough for them to talk to me the story was already so big and destructive they couldn't simply back away, wipe it out, and move on. A relationship (for me at least) can go no where after this. Having to go back and fix something that is broken, that never was, is harder than fixing something that is a real problem to tackle together. Most people I have known can't help themselves from keeping that piece of negativity inside their minds once it has injected them with it's poison. That's something I just can't live with. Tell me we are going to be friends but you want to keep things to yourself and we can be friends the rest of our lives. Hide pieces and parts in a relationship and (for myself again) it is over before it began. |
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I'm hearing you mg....
I had this conversation today...which fits with what you are saying... When a relationship is ending...and someone decides to with hold their truths...'to not hurt the other'...they are deciding what the other can and cannot manage...and stops the process...pain is pain...it is cathartic, in that it allows one to go through all the layers...and heal. I also asked if you decide in 'with holding truths, to not hurt the other'...do you also decide on how much pleasure, or joy someone can manage? There are layers to all of us...and for me...to remain truly open and authentic, I require ALL the truths...irrespective of how painful they may be in that moment..I know my worth, and am worthy of the truth. An open soul is the most amazing experience a human can have, and also offer, to another. regardless of the pain. |
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I'm definitely not in hiding. However, there are things that I don't share because it would serve no purpose. I've lived a long and interesting life, very blessed. My past is a part of me. It's made me who I am.
But I don't wear it like a banner. My life is an open book, but not everyone wants to read it. I share parts of me, but does anyone really ever share every little bit of themselves? I doubt it. I think we all have secret places, whether good or bad. |
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I'm pretty open with people that I know to begin with, so I have no problem being the same way with someone I'm dating.
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So many relationships have tough times because we don't open up ourselves truly to the other person. We keep so many parts to our lives private cause we think we might frighten them away before we have a chance to be with them. Well if you feel this way you may be doomed to never truly be with another. Opening up to another soul is the most beautiful form of communication you can imagine. There's no pretending, no facade covered flaw (in your mind) that you have to introduce later. To be accepted, truly accepted, is the most liberating feeling on the planet. And to give acceptance to another is the perfectly wrapped gift opened. Are you in hiding? Yes, I am in hiding. There are things I would never tell anyone and would take them to my grave. My private life is exactly that; its private and I intend to keep it that way. . Besides there are things that I have gone through that I just can't discuss with another person as a result of my career and if they can't accept that then its their problem. Opening up to someone isn't going to help me one way or another; its just something that person will hold over you when they get mad at you. Some things are just better kept to yourself. After I read your post I tried to think of something I wouldn't tell my partner and couldn't come up with anything. I think for me I need that in a relationship. I don't know if I need to know everything about my partner, but I have this open book thing about me to them. I guess the other thing to think about that if you are completely open to your partner and the relationship ends on a bad note; what are the chances that person would tell everyone that personal tidbit about you in revenge. I have seen some nasty posts about ex-girlfriends/boyfriends on Facebook that could totally destroy a person. However I guess if you both know each other's deep and dark secrets; you could have a stalemate on that issue. So you don't open up because of a possibility of the person wanting revenge later on? Do you do the same with friends? I can't imagine living life that way. |
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When I tell people things. They either tell the world, or hate me for it.
I have learned to not be so open. |
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you know, those hard, maybe even dark, places of us is where we often find the most intimacy when shared with one we love. a true love will gently hold those places and allow the other person to know it's okay to let go, they will catch you. Nice. :) |
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So many relationships have tough times because we don't open up ourselves truly to the other person. We keep so many parts to our lives private cause we think we might frighten them away before we have a chance to be with them. Well if you feel this way you may be doomed to never truly be with another. Opening up to another soul is the most beautiful form of communication you can imagine. There's no pretending, no facade covered flaw (in your mind) that you have to introduce later. To be accepted, truly accepted, is the most liberating feeling on the planet. And to give acceptance to another is the perfectly wrapped gift opened. Are you in hiding? no. stripped to the bone, bared soul, heart and mind... nothing is unavailable to the one that I am blessed to have in this Now....even when uncertainties arise within me....he is the one I turn to....I open them out, place them in the space we have created, and we both look at them...objectively....with complete ownership that they are mine...he holds the space, creates the safety to look at my fears, without judgement or obligation... there is no other way to remain authentic and present. Ideally beautiful. |
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When I tell people things. They either tell the world, or hate me for it. I have learned to not be so open. I feel ya young brother...same here.
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Edited by
mg1959
on
Tue 06/28/11 07:54 AM
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I basically have two classifications of openness.
1)the open door policy: That's where you can window shop, come in, look around, talk about an item, maybe even buy something and take it home. In this mode I have the option to stay open as long as I want or put up the "closed come back tomorrow" sign. But I do keep reasonable hours. If your outside this shop it's because your not interested or you have violated store policy. Certain types of people are subject to restraining orders, but that's rare and you would have to violate me on a personal level. This shop is open 6 days a week. It also has a 30 day no questions asked return policy. If you took a part of me home with you and it just doesn't fit well bring it on back for a full refund. After the 30 days, it's yours hope you like it. 2)the open book policy: You are a partner in this enterprise. The name of the biz is changed from me to us. You have the right to look at all transactions and have 50 percent voting and financial stock in the company. Not only are you entitled to the entire place but you share in the P&L of the company. If we do a good job together we share in the profits. If we do a bad job together we both take the lost. The better we are at keeping the books the better we do at our bottom line. We have daily meetings, weekly creative time, monthly evaluations and yearly reports. In order to run smoothly there is a vacation plan that is responsible and doesn't cut into the stores petty cash but comes out of the profits. It's both our jobs to maintain the daily operations, but there is unlimited sick days available. This store can stock any product we want. The store can expand as big as we want/need or stay a mom and pop shop. You have a key to both the front and back door. You have the code to the alarm. Benefits include breakfast in bed, back rubs, and steamy showers with unlimited hot water. |
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I basically have two classifications of openness. 1)the open door policy: That's where you can window shop, come in, look around, talk about an item, maybe even buy something and take it home. In this mode I have the option to stay open as long as I want or put up the "closed come back tomorrow" sign. But I do keep reasonable hours. If your outside this shop it's because your not interested or you have violated store policy. Certain types of people subject to restraining orders, but that's rare and you would have to violate me on a personal level. This shop is open 6 days a week. It also has a 30 day no questions asked return policy. If you took a part of me home with you and it just doesn't fit well bring it on back for a full refund. After the 30 days, it's yours hope you like it. 2)the open book policy: You are a partner in this enterprise. The name of the biz is changed from me to us. You have the right to look at all transactions and have 50 percent voting and financial stock in the company. Not only are you entitled to the entire place but you share in the P&L of the company. If we do a good job together we share in the profits. If we do a bad job together we both take the lost. The better we are at keeping the books the better we do at our bottom line. We have daily meetings, weekly creative time, monthly evaluations and yearly reports. In order to run smoothly there is a vacation plan that is responsible and doesn't cut into the stores petty cash but comes out of the profits. It's both our jobs to maintain the daily operations, but there is unlimited sick days available. This store can stock any product we want. The store can expand as big as we want/need or stay a mom and pop shop. You have a key to both the front and back door. You have the code to the alarm. Benefits include breakfast in bed, back rubs, and steamy showers with unlimited hot water. I like to get to know someone REALLY well before i share the shower water... |
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with unlimited hot water no less
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