... that you don't tell up front, because you think/fear it will turn people away before you get a chance to know them?

Like how many kids you have?
Or how many times you've been married?
Or a past arrest(s)?

For instance, I don't generally put out there right away that I have eight children. It freaks guys out and in the past I've not gotten to the point where I am able to explain that only one is at home before they run like the wind.

No

bald, bifocals, hearing aids,

I try to tell them all I want them to know, that is of significance, once I realize there is definitely a connection there that could lead to something. Do I tell my whole dating history? I don't think they'd have the time nor inclination to read that tome! Nor would I want to know theirs.

Maybe you should be a little quicker about letting them know you have only one child at home, if knowing you have eight seems to be a recurring problem.

No.

I don't give a 40 page dissertation either.


it's obvious I have kids,
<------------------they are in my pic, well two of them..


and my appearance is not for the average uptight 'conservative' type....so people can peg me fairly quickly.

I have met the most amazing person, who literally walked through my door...with a mutual friend....he got to see me, through my home, my children, my crazy animals, the artworks everywhere, he ate from my garden with us....

he has 7 children, I have 4....he works in education (alternative....Steiner), is a shamanic healer, kahuna massage therapist, a permaculturist, an apiarist, has long hair, wears fisherman's pants and is bare foot...


he's not the conservative type either.


We shared the important stuff whilst learning each other as friends...he left with the mutual friend, drove 1600kms, turned around and drove the 1600kms back to me.

He knows me....because he takes the time to LEARN me...as I do him....in a mutual gentle loving space.

I don't like admitting I am Toucan Son of Sam, the original Cereal Killer!


Get it?

I don't see the point of hiding things that will come out later. If you're hiding things in the beginning in order to not scare people away, what makes you think it won't later on when they find out you weren't being truthful?

I don't mind if people will turn away from me even before getting the change to know them. That means they're not worth knowing.

Though, I don't intend to keep anything from people I get to know, I just don't tell them everything upfront just like that. They have to at least show the interest to know things about me.

Actually, honesty is the best policy.

I hide nothing, also not going to spew my
entire life history in one sitting.
I'm an open book and if someone doesn't
like my answers to their questions...
next!

This if they don't accept me for me, then I don't want/need them in my life!

People can take the view about not hiding things til their face turns blue. Truth is, it depends on the seriousness of what you are hiding.

For instance, I usually hide the fact that I play Role Playing Games (not the bedroom type) from most people I meet. Why? There is a huge stigma against it in our society, and yet the same people will rush right out to watch Lord of the Rings, or Chronicles of Narnia, or Harry Potter.

Truth is, I've learned a lot about history, culture, and writing from RPGs. It has sparked me to read books I wouldn't have read otherwise. In 8th grade, I had a difficult time writing a book review assignment because I very rarely read non-fiction, yet when I did it was Tolkien or C.S. Lewis, or Lloyd Alexander. Point is, before role playing, I never read fiction at all. I tended to read about animals, airplanes, and submarines. But role playing also got me to read mythology (Norse, Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Sumerian, Japanese, Native American, Celtic), history, architecture, science fiction, meteorology, and more. It is also what first got me interested in writing (I attempted to write my first book at age 11).

So, by hiding this one little fact, I can avoid being judged with prejudice. Once she knows me better, it will be easier for her not to judge me based on this one thing alone. And trust me, an awful lot of people will.

Thanks for illustrating my point. You put on your profile whether you have kids or not, and when you're talking to someone more often than not, they ask how many kids. If I am just talking with someone, I won't tell them everything; what's the point? If we get closer and I think they will be involved in my life, either as a friend or more, then I tell them. If they still run away, it's their loss.

I don't think I'm doing anything wrong in keeping it to myself initially; especially when people make rude comments/questions like, "Don't you know how to stop that from happening?" or "Do you plan to have any more???" or "Well, at least we know what you're good at."

Not necessarily....
You may feel there are things you want or need to hide, I don't. It makes no sense while developing a relationship to pretend to be something else...
While I see no need to spew out my entire history, I won't lie if asked. I'm not ashamed of who I am.

this.

It is not necessary to 'hide' anything. That is different than using discretion and reason about the pace at which to 'disclose' information.

Im most likely to mention upfront that I am a single mom with two kids. At my age, Im not into wasting my or anyone elses precious time and that allows anyone not into the parenting thing to hit the road before time is wasted.

Other than that, all other information is a 'need to know' type of thing depending upon the stage of the courtship.

I don't hide anything just because I do not tell them right off the bat does not mean I'm hiding anything. All they have to do is ask and I will tell them..I'm pretty much an open book not asshamed of my life nor have anything to hide.

I think the main point we can agree on regarding this topic is that most people are judgmental. Some more than others, some less than others. To be completely non-judgmental is rare.

So yes, discretion in revealing yourself is a wise move.

There are some people, unfortunately, who like to see everything as black and white. Those are the people I want to avoid, especially since they tend to be negative when clashing with an opposing view. I don't like arguing. I do it like everyone else, but I try to avoid it because it makes me feel bad (frustration, anger, sadness, etc.). I usually try to use reason first.

One of my flaws is that once the resistance begins (I'm not being heard, or they are missing the point, and so on) it becomes fixated in my head, and I have a hard time letting go. Sometimes we need to give someone space so our points will sink to each others heads. It's something I admittedly need to work on, but at least I know I'm not the only one like that, I guess.

If someone asks, I usually am honest with an answer. There are some people who pick the wrong situation to ask such questions though, whether out of anger and spite or they can't tell when you just want to relax without serious conversation. When I begin avoiding a question, its usually because I am not comfortable with the time and place, not because I am hiding something or am not an honest person. Some people like to force the issue without consideration for those near them. If they don't get the hint, that's when I either just take the heat in silence, or I get up and walk away.

So, I guess another spin on this topic is a discussion of perception when a person appears to be "avoiding the issue".

Yeah right!


Pity so many don't believe this.

You say it's one little fact, but apparently it's big enough for you to feel the need to hide. Why be embarrassed about who you are?