Also, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that divorced people or never married people are worse than the other when it comes to dating. I am just looking for opinions.

divorced,cause odds are they may not want to get married again

this is a good point, someone who has never been married may be in a rush to get married, where as someone divorced is probably more willing to 'take it slow' because they want to make sure they do it right the second time around

i wish this were true. i know someone who considers it sinful to be sleeping with someone while not married to them. she's been married and divorced 3 or 4 times. i've lost count. apparently, breaking the commitment she made before god isn't as important as the sin she commits before the commitment.


. . .

only if she was marrying for sex

if she married out of commitment, not forseeing the results
thats different than then the INTENTIONAL act of sex with no such commitment,,

marriage is supposed to be a sacred institution. when it's treated with a cavalier attitude as just an obstacle to the goal, or as just another thing to do, it loses it's sanctity. when people don't take the time to get to know one another and rush into marriage thinking that "this is the one" when they've know each other for all of 5 minutes you get a divorce rate like we have now.
i'd rather have someone who took the time in a relationship, 1,2,3 years whatever and then realized that it wasn't a lasting thing, than have someone who rushed into a marriage several times.
IMO any person who's been divorced 3 or more times needs to look in the mirror. either they keep picking the wrong people, or they are the ones causing the problems.


. . .

What do you consider in a rush to get married to be?

I tend to think now that....you can have all sorts of ideas about how you want a mate to be, but when you find someone you really like, a lot of that tends to go out the window and your heart wins out. At least for me that's the case. I see all the baggage and issues and hurt, and I love and care about the person just the same.

I would prefer someone who has never been married and who has no intentions of ever being married.

It is all about the person, the one divorcee might have just been with someone who changed and that should not be held against them. But the same point about the single person, they might know what they want and they are not going to settle for anything less. I do not worry about the past, it is the future that means the most... How compatible you are together should be the deciding factor...

That's a good way of looking at things.

Hey, divorce or not, all relationships carry their own brand of baggage. For instance...

Abusive relationships. Can have those in a committed and non committed relationship. the problem is abused people can become abusive. God knows, but personally I came from an EXTREMELY violating and abusive upbringing. And from time to time I can see, well actually since I managed to tame PTSD I catch (BIT TIME DIFFERENCE IN CONTEXT AND MEANING FROM JUST SEEING!) myself engaging in retro-abusive behavior. First and foremost, there are two brands of Andy being condescending, one is a reaction to people acting condescending towards me. Then there is me just being a diik! (Word filter sometimes ***** this one).

I do not like being a diik but likewise I will not back down unless forced to do so. Can be a good thing but it can be a bad thing. When I have issues in a relationship I tend to demand (not ask) that it be faced and addressed then and there. Well, women don't work that way. I had to learn the hard way and in all reality I never intend to change that either. If something is up better sooner than later. That means the dragon comes out to play. I am a draconian. I do not pretend I am a dragon. I have the attitude of one. That means I can come off very confrontational when a threat to my peace is perceived. And an issue with my GF that is presented wrong can cause me to go right to the dragon to put up my defenses from being hurt both physically and emotionally.

Now I do try hard to be a real laid back person but I am a fixer. If something is broke I want it fixed. I would rather put up with a blond air head who tells me what is going on in her head than a hyper intelligent stone cold goddess of a woman who has to hide issues from me and play this little "I am supposed to be in tune with her and know" game A.K.A. "Implied Knowledge." In a way that also can be a corrupting influence when "You are not as smart as my previous Boyfriend." There are two intelligence tests and I scored 161 on one and 210 on the other. My mechanical aptitude is off the charts. But when it comes to math I get boggled. Simple Algebra I can do. Logarithms... Face first into a stone wall. I have worked among degrees engineers in a very similar function to being a full blown engineer without the degree. But I have hands on experience that engineers usually lack. I also have a broad band of skills many engineers dream they had. But they can do the math I can't. Are they any better than me? Most of the men and women I worked among never seemed to think so. But to be in a relationship and to get body checked emotionally is not fair and women are just as capable as any man to being abusive.

Fight and Fuque relationships. Those are REAL fun. (NOT!) These are people that only find this hate and makeup cycle the only way top fulfill their lives. A lot of people in this cycle are more often than not "addicted" to the drama and can only through an act of codependency be "happy" if you can call it that. Now back to me. I like to be laid back. A good argument never hurt anyone and husband and wife don't have to agree on everything. Neither does BF and GF. But to constantly be yelling at each other, tossing each other o0ut of the house one day and making up a day later? Let me say , ANY WOMAN WHO NEEDS TO LIVE LIKE THIS STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! I COULD CARE LESS IF YOU ARE SO RICH YOU CRAP GOLD NUGGETS AND PISS CRYSTAL! I am not into violent relationships! Now to get back on track.

Religious divide. OH GOD THIS IS A GOOD ONE! He is NOT pro life and she is. They use protection and something goes wrong. She refuses to take the morning after pill. A week passes and she takes a home pregnancy test it says "+." She then cheerfully informs him and says "Child rearing is a wonderful sacrifice," to him when he finds out. But he looks at her and says "Later yes but not now! There is no way I let alone WE can afford to raise a child right now!" And in deference for this argument we are talking about two people struggling to make it each month. Well, 9 times out of 10 the guy bolts! Why? Well, lets get this straight, He IS responsible but she does not discuss the options with her BF/ Husband and just decides to carry on with the pregnancy becasue some man in a dress says "Birth Control is Bad MmKay! Be at Mass or go to hell!" he used a rubber while she refused a secondary protection ESPECIALLY SINCE MOST WOMEN GOT A GOOD IDEA WHEN THEY CAN GET PREGNANT AND WHEN THEY WONT! I refuse to believe women are not self aware to that degree (Baring medical conditions). She she irresponsibly is going to thrust daddy duty no a man who is nowhere near ready to "settle down." or worst, the man has a career that is setting him and in cases of married men his job would set them up for a very bright future together but that is lost to the responsibilities of child rearing thrust on him by a pregnant woman who only cares about herself and her child. THAT IS A SHAM OF A RELATIONSHIP! Lets be honest here. There are a surprising number of women who play that "Hook a man by getting pregnant" crap and more and more these days men are not playing into that false morality! More often than not children can lead to a relationship's collapse if they come too soon!

Fetishist and perverts. Trisexuals, swingers, bestial, fecophiliacs copraphiliacs, BDSM, exhibitionists. Well, if it floated your boat before and you don't get it in your next relationship, then what, pressure your other half into submission? (OH NO, DOMINATION!) Here is another form of baggage some of us don't want in our lives and others expect it! Take being involved with a Bi sexual for instance. Now from my perspective if she wants to share herself with other women well, she better share them with me too! But what if she wants to have her cake but I have to be faithful to her? is that fair? In my mind NO EFFING WAY! Likewise for the ladies, some women don't mind sharing their man with another man as long as she can share his lover too. But most men get this jealo0usy going on too and have to hoard their lovers. If she wants to get freaky deaky in a wild threesome and he refuses her how fair is that to her? I think that is the flip side of the BS coin. Two different sides but it is all BS! It is a big world with too many stigmata tossed around but there is an issue of sexual baggage.


Now, Coming into the back side of a dysfunctional relationship means you either go into it cautiously or don't go at all. It really is hard to say all divorced women are the problem or all divorced women have issues. We ALL got issues married divorced or not. It comes down to people and honesty with one's self and others. All relationships that end were dysfunctional. That is why I have such a hard time finding a real lasting relationship. I am trying to find a relationship that is really functional for "us" (metaphorically speaking").

Also people are far too much in a hurry to get married. if I can last more than 2 years with a woman marriage has a chance with me. I refuse to jump into that with anyone for any reason. Yeah I could sell off a marriage to some foreign woman who wants into the USA but that just cheapens what it means to become family. I am not tossing my family name around in a cavalier or profiteering sense. There are people who would see that in itself as weakness not doing anything I can to make the easy dollar. I gave up on the idea of easy money years ago!

And just in case YES I DO HAVE MY OWN ISSUES! AND I AM AN OPINIONATED A$$HOLE TOO!




But I still love you all oh so very much. Some of you I want to love a looooooong time!




Party On!

And Be Excellent!

You just had to get that, all of your chest, didn't you A good read!

Andy, what ever you do. Be Good!

generally I agree with this. But if u love the person, that is far more important than there previous relationship status one way or the other

EXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxactly

I think that's always a fair question. Tho be ready for fairly general answers - especially at the beginning as a person may want to wait to reveal a lot of personal info until he knows u better

good post, I like your focus on the future!!! that's why I prefer previous relationship issues being well in the past before involvement with someone

My point was that some are going to think something is wrong with those who have never been married and some are going to think something is wrong with those who have been divorced. Doesn't mean that's the case, though.

I suppose we all have our fair share of issues, but this is why I believe how one feels about the person overrides their past relationship status

bad experiences can happen to the previously AND the never married - but the ability to take the positve things from those expereinces, learn from mistakes and build a good future based on the good u remember is my hope