I don't know, really there's no one else I want or have wanted like I want her. As I've said, I never have had a feeling like this for someone before. It's an innate feeling in my heart that just won't be silenced.

But at the same time, I'd hate to lose the friendship that we have, if we never did end up together. There would be a bit of a void.

Like I said, if you can stand to just be her friend, then be friends with her and look for another woman. It's a sticky situation, but far worse than losing the friend is to love her romantically and for that to not be returned. Imagine how you'll feel when she gets a boyfriend or gets married. At the end of your life, you are much more likely to regret the things you didn't do, rather than the things you did.

That's true, I'd wonder what if I think though if we didn't try it, but point taken.

She does sort of have a boyfriend now I should say, although she isn't that satisfied with him. It's an ex from her past. He had cheated on her before, and recently had really start pushing to get her back to where eventually relented just to stop it basically. She doesn't really hold out much hope for it though, and is pretty close to telling him she'd rather just be friends. He doesn't live near her either I might add.

If she got involved with a guy though that she really liked and cared about, I wouldn't begrudge her for it. I do want her happy too, even if it would be with someone other than me. It'd be a little hard maybe, but I think I could accept it.

Ah... a great post indeed.
Forgive my bluntness here...
Your love for her makes this post an obvious candidate for reposting in Poetic Forum... not joking here.

Still, since you asked... I'd like to say that I think that your pain has clouded your wisdom...
Since you love her, and don't want to see a day without her... then don't allow that to occur.
You say that she's afraid to commit to this or that... but I see that you're afraid to commit to her... being the way that she is.
Choose to. Or don't
I'm sure that God would understand either... in time you will too.

Your type of love is rare... and she probably deserves it. jmho...
(flip a coin... am I full of chit?)

I only call this into attention because that you are both worried about loosing the relationship already established to some degree. I would have to agree with Spidercmb, if you are unable to be her friend, you need to tell her.

BUT, keep in mind if you present her with this information, it may spur some negative feelings.

If you can be friends, truly, then be friends and try and pull away the pressure you may be placing on her. You may not realize you are putting it on her, but you may be.

Yeah I'm aware of that, it comes up sometimes. Last time when I asked her she said I was a little bit, so I understand I may be and sometimes am doing that.

Understood on the negative feelings too, really would like to avoid that if I could. Once, we had a real big argument that almost broke everything up, and that was pretty hard to deal with, was in tears at the possibility of losing her. So I think somewhere she knows how strong I feel, given that particular moment in this, on top of things I have said about what I feel in the past.

The thing to me, is that I would rather have a very good friend then the potential of ruining a relationship.

But it's good she's been honest when you asked, some people might lie to make the situation look lighter and easier then it really is.

Yeah that's where she's at too, rather having me as the friend than not at all.

And yeah, after having known her for 10 months or so now, we're pretty honest with each other about things.

I'm having a real hard time at the moment. She has a bit of a hard time letting people in fully, and I've kinda hit that wall with her now I think, she won't let me get much closer to her. I've got her to open up more than others have (others just gave up after a while according to her), but she's still resisting a bit.

I still think meeting will change a lot......but until that can happen, kinda in a tough spot. She's not used to someone caring for her this much or getting so close to her, so she isn't sure how to handle it, and is running a bit I think.

She got freaked out the other night when we got a bit sexual on the phone for the first time in a very long time apart from random flirting comments back and forth, and we ended up stopping. I think a lot of that has to do with her past, having some bad experiences let's just say with others, and she sort of acknowledged it tonight when I asked her about that, but she doesn't really like to deal with those things and generally doesn't just sort of hides it away. I'm really the only one she has let in to the extent that she has. But there are still things that need to be dealt with for her that she has a hard time doing, and as such it's hard for me to get particularly close to her in terms of going to that next level, it scares her.

Meantime in the middle of all this, I'm trying to pull back, trying to be patient and not push, realizing a few nights back maybe I wasn't paying as much attention to her as I should have been, being selfish and making it more about me......but it's hard. Got all these emotions going on in my head, and being one who wears his heart on his sleeve.....reining them in is a challenge. Slowing things down in the early stages was one thing, but it's a little different ballgame now.

Just so much to process right now.

It sounds as if you and her are as paranoid as each other about it. Neither of you are willing to be brave enough to take it a step further. Being wary can hold you back quite a lot. I completely get that. I say never let experiences from the past do that again to you. As she is not the same person as whoever made you feel paranoid in the first place? She needs to realise the same about you.

Oh no I'm not paranoid really, I wanna take it to the next step, I love her, really I do. But it's her that is hesitant, that's been the problem.

Sorry. Who out of the both of you is more braver in general, as a whole? If it's you then maybe you could try taking it slightly further. If it's her then.......well you get the picture, right? One time, i was so obssessed with wanting someone, that i forgot what i was like without that person. You don't wanna get to THAT point, or worse. Hard for me to tell if you're actually in love with her, or in lust with her, as you've almost known her for a year. The longer you know a person for, the harder it gets to tear yourself away from the problem. There's always a risk where you may always have this feeling for her, even if you both end up with other people. There would be about fifty percent chance that this may always remain. You are still in the friend zone at this moment in time. Or as i call it 'Frien-ationship' :) There is such a thing as mind control, but you're only human.

I met someone on a forum like this one; he was with someone else and I was widowed but not looking for romance. We really "clicked" and became the best of friends. After about a year of writing, phone calls, etc. we both felt there was more to the relationship than friendship. He was single by then. But because of the distance and other factors, we were both scared to try.

In short, we decided to take that chance. I went to visit him and it was as if we'd known each other all of our lives. We ended up getting married. He helped me raise my two young daughters; he's the only dad they remember. We also had a child of our own.

We were together for 10 years, but then we grew apart. Sadly, it ended in divorce. However, when the smoke cleared, we both realized that we missed the great friendship that we had. We forgave each other, put everything in the past behind us and now we are still best friends, because no one (so far) really knows me like he does and vice versa.

My girls still call him "Dad"; I am still close to his daughter he had in his first marriage. They are coming to visit us in October. He's a really good person; we were just better as friends.

Give the girl some space and don't push it. If there's love there, it will happen. Even if it doesn't, you have someone in your life that is a special gift ... those type of friends are rare. Good luck.

^^^ This is what happened to me in my last LDR. Then a few other things came to light which made me question why she was holding back. I tried to be patient, but then more happened. It began to pile. Yet she wouldn't give me anything to allay my worries.

Then when I pointed this out, she gave me a guilt trip. Next thing I know, it was a three-ring circus that I was being blamed for. Truth was, the situation blew up with other people got involved, talking behind my back, sharing information told in confidence, and leaving me guessing as to what was really happening. All I needed was some honesty - something to latch on to while I rode out the storm. All I got was blame instead. I rarely got to do webcam with her, and never with sound. She would tell me a lot of bad news. She would ask me for money. Etc.

Eventually, I came to two conclusions:

1) She was sincere, but didn't know how to love, lacking the selflessness that builds trust.

or

2) I was being played. The bad news was just a way to gauge me. The asking for money was a kind of scam. The webcam was because she wasn't alone, or she recorded it previously. And so on.

I even called her twice, and a man answered. He called her name to get her to pick up the phone. One time, I heard a voice that sounded like hers arguing with the guy and refusing to pick up the phone. I checked the number...it was dialed correctly. The billing was for the appropriate place. When I asked her about this, she completely denied everything. She brought up a point I could not argue with which made me doubt my own reasoning. (It was a valid point, but something which could have been disabled at the time.) So I continued giving her the benefit of a doubt.

The worst part is that several people I knew also knew her. She was very well liked. Everyone respected her tons. So, I got to look like the a-hole because I was the only one who knew everything I had to put up with.

So, my point is:

Temper yourself is she is holding back, and refusing to open up. Don't go overboard for her. Let her sort it out on her own. If she's true, she will come around. If she's not true, then she will just string you along. You have to protect yourself while giving her the benefit of a doubt at the same time.



Post-script:

If what I mentioned above offends anyone because of the details shared, I really don't give a rat's a$$. I'd be willing to risk mod punishment just to tell the real side of the story. Only two people really know the truth, and I am one of them. Anything else is hearsay or gossip.

I won't mention a name out of common courtesy. I didn't post this out of spite, but rather to reveal the truth. There is more to the story not mentioned.

It's not just lust, it's much deeper now with everything we've been through. I really love her, more than I've loved anyone else in my life. I really don't want anyone else like I want her....which is why this is so hard right now.

So.......today I have found out that......she is considering moving away from Wisconsin.......to North Dakota as I guess there are some jobs in that area though she has to research it. Haven't really had a chance to talk to her about in depth yet, as to how soon she'd wanna move if she was gonna do this and what not but.........I am a bit stunned. It's only two more states away from where she is now so it isn't quite as far as it could be but it feel likes a lot more.

I don't know if I can handle this. It feels as though it would change everything, instead of a state over, she'd be 3 states over, and I just have to wonder what that would mean for this, for us. I could never ask her just to stay put where she is just on my account, but........this would be really difficult for me to take nevertheless if indeed she did move. Part of me has a mind to tell her I wanna go with her if she was gonna go through with this, but that's not really feasible I don't think right now in asking that would put pressure on her. Not to mention what would happen if for some reason we tried it and it didn't work.

I don't know, I'm just sort of in shock here. I wasn't expecting this at all.

She's thinking about moving? Did you find out this morning soon after i messaged you, or was it before that? I'm guessing you feel quite gut-wrenched if she decides she wants to move for sure. When i was 22, a guy i'd known for years, who i liked a hell of a lot, decided he wanted to move to London. I was mortified, overwhelmed. Felt like screaming with heartbreak. So i know what you're feeling really. Keep talking on here if it helps. I am always here if you need to talk. You're probably way upset right now.

Just wondering what you mean by she's KIND OF got a boyfriend. It makes it sound like she has, but also hasn't. lol

Firstly, she's single now, the guy she was kinda with before was an ex (out of state no less) who really wanted her back. He had cheated before I might add. He kept leaving comments and stuff on her facebook, and she finally gave in just to appease him but didn't expect it to last which it didn't. He eventually deleted her off facebook for some reason, never added her back when she requested it, and that was that.

Second, talked to her about the North Dakota thing (which I found out about today, after I talked to you rawrr), and it would be at least a year or better before she'd do that, so it's not like this would be an immediate thing if she does it. So we still got time between now and then to see what we have. Knowing that, I'm feeling better about that aspect of this.

Now though........there's another thing. I was talking to a friend of mine about things (before finding out more on the Dakota move), and she mentioned about her boyfriend who is an empath and can read people's minds pretty accurately, and if I might be interested in having him try to read her. I've talked to her off and on about things that have been going on, and she sort of has thought she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings in essence by turning me down, and fears losing the friendship if she did.

I was a bit intrigued about this, so I decided to have him try and just see what he would say. What he ended up concluding was.....that she doesn't have the courage to tell me no because she's afraid I might hurt myself if she did. When I heard that, was a little bit upsetting to me, and I decided I had to ask her myself if she was afraid to hurt me. When I did that she said no, and even when I told her she could tell me the truth if it was the case, she said it wasn't.

Now......I don't know what to think. My friend and her boyfriend thought she just didn't have the guts to tell me, but I don't know. She's been under a lot of stress this week, lot going on lately for her so all of this isn't coming at a very good time.

I'm sort of all over the place emotionally here, feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. Really unsure of what to make of things now.

Yeah, wow. So her boyfriend knows she has feelings for you? It seems complicated. Problems never come at the right time, so don't go beating yourself up. If i were you, i wouldn't try depending on it working out the way you'd prefer. Just keep your expectations of the outcome realistic. I know it's much more tempting to go with the fantasy. But keep it real to yourself. Not saying it won't work out the way you wish it to. Just trying to keep you level-headed as it were :)