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| Topic: Would you date a woman 2 months pregnant? | |
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You all make a good point. I don't think I will just stop talking to her because she is pregnant. I'd like to see where things go (see if I even like her enough). Everyone has been in F'ed up situations. Although, I dont think there is as much of a possibility of it working out because she is expecting another child. For someone that has no kids, and really never expected to have any, it's a big issue. I dont even like kids that can't; eat, whipe, and communicate, on their own. My dad left when i was 3 months, my "step dad" made it clear from day one i was not his and he was not going to be a replacement father. I don't want to be that guy. If someone has kids you have to be just as willing to except them into your life if you want to be with the mother/father (if you plan on the long haul). I dont know if I'm willing to execpt that responsibiliy. We were friends before and I have no problem keeping it that way now. And i agree that stallions are bastards. I think that maybe before you decide if you like her enough or not , you need to know where you stand with children.. It is not like getting a puppy, and although the child is not yours, if you decided you wnated to commit to her you are commiting to the child as well. If I took on a man with a child. which I have, then it is my responisibility to love him and his child, its not fair on a child to have anyone in their lives who cannot love them, without conditions, So if you are not prepared to love the child as your own then dont even consider it, Its the children who are pulled back and forwards and mucked up, being left feeling unwanted, Soooooo not fair.. And I dont just mean that you should tollerate and act like you want the baby, you have to want it, and if it sounds unfair as its not yours, then get out now, its not going to work, for you for her or for the baby.. Just my opinion S You gave the best answer there is to a genuine plea of a man to correct the wrong he's received in his childhood. I see just one flaw. You can be as ready as you want, yet you can't predict whether you'll love the child or not. You can self-suggest, yes, but there are no guarantees it will happen, and no amount of self-suggestion will work. So while your advice is sound if viewed from emotional/sociological / family values points of view, it is questionable, in my opinion, if it can be executed. But you are right in saying, Josie, that the attitude and the readiness, at least, has to be there, otherwise it's fd. And I can see that the OP is sincere in his decision. My dad's dad died when dad was 2, and his mother raised 6 young children to death. Dad's biggest ambition was to become the father that he had not had. So he became, if you ask me, the worse effing father there ever was. I kid you not. Maybe I was too sensitive, too. Of course he had some good points, like nobody is evil 100% or useless. He gave all his earnings to Mom, and he did the best job he could at fathering. But he just was not good at it. So I am saying that a romantic attitude about the future and promises you make yourself how it will be will fly out the window, or rather, can fly out the window in a moment's notice a thousand times every day when it comes to practice. OP, if you love the woman, and she loves you, fine. I think you are brave if you commit to her and the kid now, but be wary at all times that your committment is nothing but romantic hubris at this point. How it will be in the future, nobody knows. To answer your question, OP, I wouldn't marry a girl who is two months pregnant, or ten months pregnant, or not pregnant, or very pregnant. I am not the very marrying kind of guy, and that is because of the fullness of my heart with love for women I loved. I am also a terrible person to get along with, like Daddy was, so what's the point. I am good at theory, but horrible at practice; I used to be full of good intentions, but lately that is not the case at all any more. Yeah, hell, marry her, or not, who cares. |
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And it isn't your kid. No, I used to be open to dating women with children, but lately I've been thinking, maybe that's something I want to avoid for now. IDK What's wrong with it? Atleast you know they put out...........   No NO NO NO, there is lots wrong with it if you dont want a baby, Because that little boy or girl is going to have one more person in their lives who doesnt really want them, and no child needs that, Absolutely!!! |
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Edited by
josie68
on
Fri 05/27/11 06:00 PM
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You all make a good point. I don't think I will just stop talking to her because she is pregnant. I'd like to see where things go (see if I even like her enough). Everyone has been in F'ed up situations. Although, I dont think there is as much of a possibility of it working out because she is expecting another child. For someone that has no kids, and really never expected to have any, it's a big issue. I dont even like kids that can't; eat, whipe, and communicate, on their own. My dad left when i was 3 months, my "step dad" made it clear from day one i was not his and he was not going to be a replacement father. I don't want to be that guy. If someone has kids you have to be just as willing to except them into your life if you want to be with the mother/father (if you plan on the long haul). I dont know if I'm willing to execpt that responsibiliy. We were friends before and I have no problem keeping it that way now. And i agree that stallions are bastards. I think that maybe before you decide if you like her enough or not , you need to know where you stand with children.. It is not like getting a puppy, and although the child is not yours, if you decided you wnated to commit to her you are commiting to the child as well. If I took on a man with a child. which I have, then it is my responisibility to love him and his child, its not fair on a child to have anyone in their lives who cannot love them, without conditions, So if you are not prepared to love the child as your own then dont even consider it, Its the children who are pulled back and forwards and mucked up, being left feeling unwanted, Soooooo not fair.. And I dont just mean that you should tollerate and act like you want the baby, you have to want it, and if it sounds unfair as its not yours, then get out now, its not going to work, for you for her or for the baby.. Just my opinion S You gave the best answer there is to a genuine plea of a man to correct the wrong he's received in his childhood. I see just one flaw. You can be as ready as you want, yet you can't predict whether you'll love the child or not. You can self-suggest, yes, but there are no guarantees it will happen, and no amount of self-suggestion will work. So while your advice is sound if viewed from emotional/sociological / family values points of view, it is questionable, in my opinion, if it can be executed. But you are right in saying, Josie, that the attitude and the readiness, at least, has to be there, otherwise it's fd. And I can see that the OP is sincere in his decision. My dad's dad died when dad was 2, and his mother raised 6 young children to death. Dad's biggest ambition was to become the father that he had not had. So he became, if you ask me, the worse effing father there ever was. I kid you not. Maybe I was too sensitive, too. Of course he had some good points, like nobody is evil 100% or useless. He gave all his earnings to Mom, and he did the best job he could at fathering. But he just was not good at it. So I am saying that a romantic attitude about the future and promises you make yourself how it will be will fly out the window, or rather, can fly out the window in a moment's notice a thousand times every day when it comes to practice. OP, if you love the woman, and she loves you, fine. I think you are brave if you commit to her and the kid now, but be wary at all times that your committment is nothing but romantic hubris at this point. How it will be in the future, nobody knows. To answer your question, OP, I wouldn't marry a girl who is two months pregnant, or ten months pregnant, or not pregnant, or very pregnant. I am not the very marrying kind of guy, and that is because of the fullness of my heart with love for women I loved. I am also a terrible person to get along with, like Daddy was, so what's the point. I am good at theory, but horrible at practice; I used to be full of good intentions, but lately that is not the case at all any more. Yeah, hell, marry her, or not, who cares.  Oh my gosh, you make simple things sound so difficult. yep what you say is true, but really its the same when you have a child, how do you know you will love it, i surely didnt always feellike I loved those screaming brats with stinky nappies at 2 in the morning, or the horrid 2 year old who cut all our power cords , but I knew I was goingt o love them because I had made the choice to.. The same as a husband, at times i almost hated mine, but i had made a commitment to him so continued to love him, I would never have hurt or been horrid to my husband or children or his children as I had made a commitment to love them. So I guess its like anything, what do you commit yourself to and how true to yourself do you stay to that commitment. I have 6 children, but I also have many others who call me Mum and I love them as well as my own, Ilove them because they need me to and even though I am unorganised and a little chaotic at times I am a stable force in their lives that never leaves and can always be relied on to offer love and acceptance. when I have my daughters friends turn up on my door and live with us for months because she is having trouble I just love her and do what needs to be done.. Loving is not such a big deal, its just looking out for them and being there. Honestly if it sounds to hard to give your all to a child then I would say dont do it, as they will take it all and then still need more. but they are worth it. |
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Thats a good question! It really depends on the person because I know ladies who are pregnant and seek for in others what they can do for their child financially. You know what you are getting yourself involved in when the person you date has a child... you date the mama bear and you must accept the cubs. This is such an awesome kick *** question that I could write a book about it... Soooooo much to say
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