damn.. there's that word again... no..

I went eat healthy overseas. I love it there. Here there is not much offered but crap, crap and more crap. Too much GMOs here.

And when I walk, bike or walk some more, I do it for me, not for a man or woman. I love walking and biking. I love hiking and climbing. I don't give a rat's patottie if a guy thinks I am fat. I am happy with myself. Sure, I could lose some weight and get back to pre-mommyhood size, but these are curves of love.

I am not going to fall into the Hollywood stigma of having to be anorexic after childbirth. I love my curves. Yes, I am currently alone, but that doesn't mean I haven't dated.

My bff commented once that she had talked to my former boyfriend (before our break-up) because she wanted to know why she (an obese woman) couldn't find a love life, but me, (slightly less obese by 10 lbs) had men chasing me. He informed her, "I never saw her weight. Yes, she could lose some, but when I first met her, it wasn't her weight. It was the way she carried herself. She walks with confidence. Her personality shines through. Her eyes sparkle with life. That draws you in. You never see her as a fat woman because she dresses tastefully for her size and accentuates the positive and doesn't let her weight take from the rest of what she has to offer."

Same came from a neighbor I dated for a while. When I told him I was sad about not being able to lose weight, he said, "I never saw your weight. It was never an issue for me. The way you carry yourself never suggested that you had issues."

This is showing that men often will over look the weight and "fitness" in a woman if she carries herself with confidence and loves herself for who she is. I love me. I never loved me till I forced myself to start staring in the mirror every morning and say, "F**k yeah. I am a DAMN SEXY woman and I rock. I am beautiful and strong." (Yeah, grew up with self-esteem issues.) I had eating disorders. I was much thinner than I should have been.

My doctors were concerned with my first daughter. I was 120lbs at conception. When I had my first daughter, I weighed a whopping 124lbs. She was 4lbs 4oz. Neither of us was healthy. But I had an eating disorder.

That (the risk I put on my baby) was when I started working to gain my self-esteem.

My second blew me up. I am not afraid to talk about my weight. I was 185lbs when I had her. Still struggle with the baby fat to this day.

My husband didn't care. He loved every extra inch of me. Still does to this day. No man I dated after him cared either. They loved me for me. I had only one man display displeasure about my appearance. He now lives a very lonely existence and eats alone every night and sleeps in a large bed alone with his cat. He wanted love, love came, but not in the package he dreamed of. His loss. I am happy.

I am not saying to go gorge yourself every day and stop exercising. If it makes you feel good, do it. But do it for you. Don't do it in the hopes of finding true love.

I love the euphoria I get from feeling the wind in my hair when I ride my bike, getting to stop and watch birds, drift off into the sunset, do and go what and where cars can't.

I love walking. I love listening to my mp3 player and going into a new different world with the music and breathing fresh(ish) air and feeling the sun warm my skin.

I do it cause I want to. Sure I could buy a car. But the freedom I have from walking and biking makes my heart happy and healthy.

And the best thing?

I do it for me.

And because I do it for me, I find more men "knocking at my door" than when I was anorexic and depressed.


MORAL: Love you for you before you let others love you.

Nah, I have lost a ton of weight, what I am saying is, why am I working so hard to look good when I am still just a lonely girl. I might as well enjoy some hot stuff crust pizza with ranch....since probably no-one gonna talk to me anyhow....thats what I am saying.

let us partake in drink together, just not in any elevators...

I kickbox because i enjoy beating the crap out of something...and I do enjoy the workout...

Bummer I wasnt hungry till I came in here, Now i have to go find something to munch on

i'm starting a workout monday. went shopping tonight for healthier stuff. bought some turkey brats and taco seasoned ground turkey. not sure how they're going to taste, but i've had turkey burgers and they're alright. we'll see.
also bought some fruit and stuff. should've waited now i have a bunch of bananas and pears to eat before they go bad.


. . .

I'd bet $50 you can't eat 500 pizzas in one night.

I always buy ground turkey now. i used the taco seasoned ground turkey for my enchiladas and everyone raved about how good they are. You really cant tell the difference, honestly. How did you like it?