A friend of mine died recently, and I'm (re)discovered that all the standard language surrounded death - the euphemisms, the idiomatic expressions, and such, all seem to be based on the assumption of religious worldview, or in life after death. ("passed on", "gone to a better place", "may his soul rest in peace", etc)

As I communicate with religious people about his death, I would like to avoid using those phrases, as they don't seem honest for me. Yet, I don't want to be callous and insensitive. The best I've come up with are 'dead', 'no longer with us'.

So I'm looking for.... well, like the "Happy Holiday's" of death. The secular forms of expressing various death related sentiments that are neither pro-religious, nor completely insensitive to others.

Anyone know of a resource that deals with this issue? Or want to brainstorm up some ideas?

I normally just express my sorrow of the loss and leave it at that. Maybe talking about the person and not the loss is always good. There really isn't anything you can say to someone that will comfort them. It's something that we all have to deal with personally, so keeping it short and sweet with a hug is always nice.

Thanks, Kitten. Lacking after-life based euphemisms, when asked ask to clarify what I meant by 'no longer with us', I just said "So-and-so is ... dead." I believe my phrasing made the news even more unpleasant for the recipient. I just want better, non-afterlife ways to phrase this.

Ceased to live
Exeunt
Had his last breath
Has become a hollowed cry of non-existence
Not answering his calls or his email ever any more
His wife is a widow now / children are orphans now
The earth has swallowed up his body <- if someone says, "yeah, but what about his soul?" You can ask him, "yeah, what about it?"

'no longer on this earth' is one I commonly use b/c the dead in question is certainly not out ordering a daquiri.

Honestly, I really don't think it really matters. Dead is Dead.

"Gone for the Big Sleep" -- can provide some perspective.

i tend not to morn the death, but celebrate there life,be glad they lived,when you gone, you gone,an none of us knows what comes after,altho i thyink i on the right side,

Ceased to be
Their energy is at one with the universe

I know, right?

When I was a little kid (a little atheist kid, alone in a world of theists) I was totally baffled by the behavior of adult theists at funerals.

If you really believe in an immortal soul, afterlife, preservation of memories and experiences, salvation, heaven, etc etc....

Then whats the big ****ing deal with death?????

So your loved on has left their body, gone somewhere else, and you are going to join them in a few decades and spend eternity together. And now they free from the pain of life. Sounds like a pretty good deal, to me. This is a cause for celebration, not sadness. So why do some theists lament so?

But for us no-afterlife type atheists - we have lost them forever. Forever. They live only in our memories and the consequences of their actions. They are dead to us forever. And yet atheists seem to be more accepting of the reality of death than theists are.

I think theists secretly, deep inside, know the truth that there is no afterlife - or secretly fear that it might be true. Their beliefs encourage denial, both intellectually and emotionally. Since they never emotionally embrace and accept the reality of death, facing the death of their loved ones is harder - the fear that they are dead forever creeps through the cracks of their denial, making the death of their loved ones even more painful.

Simple really.

Anyone who died is just waiting to make a comeback.

I completely understand. My father died recently, and as much as I feel the loss, my brother is turning everything into some kind of memorial. One of the things is that he sets his watch to Dad's time of death.

The most disturbing is that he had a heart attack last week and he believes it was my Dad from heaven telling him to take better care of himself. Sure he stopped eating processed meats, but this is a little much.

I can relate to your beginning comment. I haven't had many people close to me die, but my mother has. And when it happens, she is on the phone with friends saying "everything happens for a reason" or "it was his/her time to go, it can't be helped."

When I hear this, part of me thinks "it's not fair of you to impose that kind of hope on someone." Another part of me understands that these people might need to hear that, as a coping mechanism of sorts, whether they themselves believe it or not.

I'm sure it's possible that even I would want to hear this if I was stricken with that level of grief. Then again, it might just make me angry.

As for my own experiences, one of my close friend's little brother committed suicide during hurricane Ike. He came over the very next morning and I was able to comfort him (as much as you can comfort someone going through that, at least) without even thinking such things my mother does, let alone saying them.

Sorry the post is long, I was trying to find a parallel to your original post.

Death is that much scarier when you DON'T believe in heaven, I think.
The unknown usually is.

Mr. Gregor: Death is full of surprises.
George Lass: You have no idea.

(From the opening scene of Dead Like Me- Life After Death)

"I wasted time, now time doth waste me". -William Shakespeare


-Kerry O.

Jesus Christ, Mr. Gregor just this instant had an idea. Why did George say that Mr. Gregor had no idea? He`d just come out with it!! So who wrote this horribly ineffectual (in the logics sense) playÉ

More importantly, who didn't watch the movie or the series?

Context is your friend.


-Kerry O.

Good riddance.

More cookies for us!!

I've always told him to not eat those mushrooms.

Another one bites the dust.

Here we go again...

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

He dead as a stiff doorknob.

Can't drink no more.

The party is over for him.

No more lewd jokes around women. Sigh...

I want his chess set.

The funeral director called him to the house.

A nation don't mourns.

It's about time.

Oh, no, he still owes me that fiver!!

His number was called. He would have won a deer's stuffed head with christmas lights on the antlers.

Wux: awesome.

he's worm food.

my brother tells a story about his daughter at a young age. her uncle, his wife's brother not me obviously, died suddenly and when she asked why he had to die my brother simply said, "it was his time." a few days later he found her sitting on the deck squishing a row of ants one by one saying with each squish, "it's your time. now it's your time. it's your time now. it's your time."

One of my best friends was murdered and it hit me really really hard. I was at that time an unbeliever, but had not really dug deep into the concepts as I have now. The loss really shook me, no amount of placation could even make a dent. Honestly when people tried to tell me that she was "in a better place", or that she "is still with us" just rang as dishonest, as a lie used to foster apathy.

I think this was perhaps a subconscious impetus toward furthering my own rationality about life and death.

I reached a conclusion that life is short and we all need to live life without guilt, fear, or the pain of self flagellation. I cannot think of any kind words to tell someone that someone they love is dead. It will hurt no matter what words are used. The best thing we can do is share our memories of the person, and hold close the things we cherished. To be honest is to accept the pain of reality.

It is funny, but science actually gave me some measure of comfort in my time of pain. To know that time stops at the speed of light to envision all of time as slices of moments, and to know that I shared some of those moments with her, and that can never be taken away. Those moment will forever have had an impact on all reality that will ever exist. That her being here on earth influenced all the people she knew, that those who loved her had there lives changed for the better becuase she existed. To know from biology that each of us won the lottery of existence, that for each of us to be here millions upon millions of events had to occur, and that each of us who do exist really are able to experience something special: life.

I think religion, and the idea of afterlife cheapens that, it makes lite of the amazing nature of existence to propose some kind of cosmic director with wants and desires. To provide some kind of cop-out to making the most of the small part of existence we have won by being alive.

not being an atheist i don't have that problem. but as an agnostice i try to get folks to see the bright side and i'll say somehting like, "well at least the worms will be fed."