That makes perfect sense.

We dont bad mouth men at all.

I hope to find one someday...I m not scorned.

My second child is female, sort of passive as well but nearly as much, my youngest is very outspoken though and will bring them both to their knees. hahaha. She has bossy-itus as she is with me all day and forgets i am the mother not her. We call her large and in charge. she is only 4.

We didn't consciously bad mouth men, or thought we didn't...although when you actively listen to yourself and those in your household...it's quite surprising what you hear!

it was moreso women visitors to my house...and they were given the rules of my house.

My boy had to be acknowledged, valued, and respected for himself, AND his gender...because of his passivity, I noticed he was often overlooked by everyone.

he now goes to an all male boarding school...for his senior years at school...his choice..and also the limitations we have with geographical isolation..

he is thriving, and learning, how to be male...all he could learn within our house was how to be a woman...well, how women are.

interesting reading all this.. I think he will do fine.. it's obvious he is protective as what you said he will say to his sisters about listening to you. thats love and a male protective role for being the only male in the house.IMO. i believe what you are seeing is good. passive yet noones going to mess with his mom. he's growing up quick.. Blessings

Thank YOu, kind words..

It's not easy....no matter how many parenting books you read, advise you get, and from your own parenting instinct, somehow you just have to be prepared and deal. By the way, I did like a book called (if I remember correctly) "Parenting two houses, two homes"
My son is still young, not even near being a teen yet, sometimes I swear he acts like one though. The hardest part is going between two homes every week, I sympathize with those parents out their going through the same...

yeah, they are with me 7 days a week, with some monitored time on the weekends with their father, which following that last sentence you can imagine the type of role model he is....aaaaagggghhhh. I am just trying my hardest....they are good kids.

I totally agree with ya.

I'm going through the same thing ha I remember I was a real little bastard at that age mines 15 living with me and making things hard nobody said it was easy kids are like war you were glad you were a part of it and contributed but wouldnt want to do it again I ask my kid to pick up his soda cans off the coffee table and he flips me off then 2 minutes later asks me to drive mcdonalds to get him a mcflurry

Wow!....none of my kids would ever treat me like that!


All four of mine are respectful, polite and helpful...perhaps because I am to them...perhaps because they've been raised in that environment...I don't know...

but my kids would never be disrespectful...and not out of fear....but because they know it is hurtful.

Mine either jess, My 6 are wild but would never be disrespectful to me.

Nor I hope to anyone else, They have grown up with a lot of responsibities, and although they can be typical kids, they would never think to not do what you told them, ro to just say no,
They are allowed to have their own opinions and to tell me if they dont agree with something, but they would never go against anything that I had decided on.
However saying that they have a lot of freedom to be themselves, they amuse me nonstop and are my best friends.

Because there are 6 of them, they have to be responsible and they are..
I am so proud of them and love them to death.

Yeah Josie....another commonality between us....more of them than us....more responsibility for themselves and their siblings.

I stopped telling my children what to do, when they were little, and learnt to ask...

I cannot stand being told what to do....so why do I expect them to like it, or do it?...I don't.


I adore my children...and the amazing young men and women they have grown into...and yes, even if they weren't my children, I would seek them as friends.


I wonder.....is it something in our aussie air?

Our way of life?

Or similar circumstances...(single mums with a brood of kids)

The more I look at the differences the more I start to think its the country, not so much that we are Australian but its a lifestlye choice, even though I live in a city well sort of a city, I have kept a country life.
When I looked at Syney when we went through there it was the same as when we landed in LA, very busy, very impersonal and rushed.,

But I see children here who have no manners at all, when I was shopping today I heard some kid whinging because he wante3d something and couldnt have it, and I turned around expecting to see a 2 year old and I swear he would have been at least 6 and he was going crook on his parents

What is he going to be like when he is older.

REally I think the parents need a good kick up the butt for ruining their own children.

There are so many children who have no respect for their friends teachers, parents anyone.

My children have had to be responsible for their mistakes from the time they where young, if they chose to do something wrong they had to fix it.
My 2 year old had to return a chocolate that he had carried through the shop and taken without paying, He went up to the lady told her he had stolen it and had to ask if he could pay for it. The chocolate had melted in his pocket as he had held it in his little hand.
She told him that next time they would have to get the police to talk to him, but that she would let him pay this time, Then he had to go home work for the money and give it back to me..

Some people thought this was hard, but he hasnt forgotten it and he learnt.

I can sit and talk to my children for hours, about anything and they amuse me constantly, I love their company and I dont worry about what will happen to them when they are older as they are responsible young adults.

I was so proud of my 11year old on the weekend as we went out and he opened the doors for me and waited for me to walk through first, He made sure I had everything I needed, and it was so nice to know that when he grows up he will show his girlfriend the same respect he does me.

Yep I am very proud of them.. And I hope that it is not just an Australian thing and I dont think it is, I hope that their are heaps of other Mums out there who look at their children and say yep they are responsible young adults and I am so proud of them..

if you want him to be confident then encourage him to be good at the hobbies he already enjoys - if he likes a certain thing - computers, art, sports, maybe he could be on a team or club

if there are specific values you want him to have, demonstrate those yourself and talk about examples when you have a chance - in general - choices that people make and why things are right or wrong or better choices - use your choices rather than his as examples, Car rides are the best for this and no do not search his belongings then "leave him alone" as has been suggested

spend as much time as you can as this is the best way to pass on your values

I would not search his belongings unless you have other fairly hard evidence that points to drug use or stolen property < those being the only reasons for a search


and be careful of advice from non parents

You seem like a very good person so I think your son will be fine! I know my parents really worried about me during my teenage years and early adulthood and although I am sure it was difficult, they had to sit back and let me make my mistakes to learn from. They were always there to help me and guide me & I turned out to be a great person :)


Do they have any pets? Training dogs & horses not only boosted my confidence, but helped my become a better communicator! Something to think about.

Every child is different, I have two daughters aged 4 and 6 (mother passed away from cancer) They are very different personalities, one (the 4 year old) is very aggressive and the other is very passive. I think as parents the best thing we can do is praise the good things they do and show them whats right and whats wrong. They watch every move we make and listen to far more than we think they hear.

Some discipline is also a must we rely on our schools and daycare to teach them and thats a bad thing to do. We as parents are the best teacher and we must take responsibility in giving them strong direction.

You could have him spend a week in a military junior boot camp...




Then remind him when he is 18 he is on his own. Hint to him a job would do him some good too. Something part time. Make him earn his first car. With gas prices these days, is your wallet that big?

This is the perfect age for him to start to see what the real world is and his nonchalance and passive aggressiveness will not profit him. Mom needs to learn to be the male authoritarian as well becasue she is loosing respect with her son who is testing the fence very hard to see how far he can push before she breaks.

this is my observation from the third person.

Andy is right,,
But whatever you do , do not lose his respect, without it you have nothing at all.
I have a 16 year old who is a 300 pound giant and yet he will do what he is told, not because he has to but because he respects me and does not go against what I ask, if he disagrees we talk about it, but ultimately he will go along with my decisions.

If you lose his respect you will have absolutely no way to get him to do anything and he will head off in his own direction, thats where you often see them get into trouble..

My 16 year old is the image or his Dad, he even has the same temper, but the difference is he has learnt some self control,
Although he has some charactaristics that his Dad does, he is still himself and I love him for that. He knows that he is like his Dad, enough people told him, even though we repeatedly asked them not to..
It scared him for a long time when he was younger that he would end up lie his Dad, but he has grown to understand now that how he ends up is his own choice, he has control of his life.
He is the one who will choose what happens in his life.
Now that he is older, he works after school and all weekends, he is saving for a car, he has money aside for uni and as he works in a clothes store he buys all his own clothes.
He is a well adjusted young man, and although he is reserved and shy, loves to have his head in a computer or book, he is a well respected young man with his friends , teachers and workmates, so just hang in there pull him up when you need and let him grow into a young man who likes himself.

NO NO NO___I would never, he is not a bad kid at all, he lacks courage, and a normal sense of humor is all. he is not a theif, occasionally a liar---but i get it when it happens cuz he gets all weird like he has a conscious which is good.