What went wrong? What did you learn about your expectations for your next relationship?

Seemed like a good idea at the time.... I learned that I can not be with men who think they are superior to women, shocking, I know!

well, what I got from the last thread is that people seem to have trouble opening up about things that really matter. The things that are personal and close to the bone are things that we don't really want to talk about. I totally get that. You have to get to a certain place in life to feel that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by letting it all hang out.

My theory here is that perhaps this is a reason why people get into doomed relationships, or why it's so difficult to find what they want.

I understand that people are most comfortable keeping things light and airy and flirty in these forums. It seems like an odd choice to me, given that a dating site is supposed to be a place where people can search for a quality relationship of some kind.

Just wanted to give folks one last chance to tell me who they really are.

ditto - neither can I

as far as the OP - I kinda fell into it - we got along well- similar sense of humor and a strong connection intimately (until the very end). We did have some stuff in common but were not looking for the same things at the time - plus I think his married brother scoped me out at the billiards room & set us up - srsly

we were always out of sync - he wanted to get serious when I didn't & vicey versa

we will always be friends tho - I think so anyway

I knocked up my cousin and seemed the proper thing to do..........

Sorry msmyka. You slipped that in before I had a chance to finish my post.I don't blame you one bit. In your ideal relationship, how do you think a couple should go about having opposing opinions while still showing respect and without coming off condescending. This is a sincere question. We both had this same problem in my marriage. I learned that neither of us really knows how to disagree without hurting feelings.

it was the valium

I don't think it's so odd that people are not wanting to share their most intimate thoughts and feelings on the internet where everything is public. I think it's fine to keep it somewhat light here and then if two people want to take the conversation further via email then they can.



It's not a question of "how", either you have enough respect for each other to disagree amicably or you don't. We're all going to come across as condescending from time to time; when I do I try to apologize right away and get back to the topic at hand. They key is to not present yourself as being "right"... how can someone else feel comfortable enough to give their opinion when you've already told them they are wrong? That puts the other person on the defensive and sets up the entire conversation for failure before it even begins.

My last serious relationship was with someone I had been involved with several times before. Fourth time's a charm, and all that.

But, seriously, she is the only one, out of everyone I've ever been involved with, who really has the intellect and the creativity I would like to find in a partner. She even did the covers and page formatting for my first two books (and did a hell of a great job, too).

Plus, she has no interest in having kids, so we have quite a bit of common ground.

Unfortunately, she is dangerously unstable emotionally, and has some deep-rooted issues she's not willing to get help for. Every relationship she gets into ultimately implodes because she can't live up to her promises.

As it stands, I fully expect she'll try to come back, yet again, the next time her life falls apart. That's been the pattern for the last 11 years. I've always been there to fix it for her.

And, as much as I'd like to tell myself I won't fall into the same dead-end trap yet again, the reality is that I might. There just isn't anybody better out there.

That's a really good answer. Apologies are another big item. It is so easy to get in a defensive position in a disagreement where you feel that you are being unreasonably attacked. You dig in your heels and it just becomes more important to get out of it with some dignity. I had to practice to where an apology wasn't too hard. I don't think I heard, "I'm sorry. I was wrong" more than a couple of times in all our 13 years.

Uh-oh. There isn't much you can do with a situation like that. Is this a place where you say, "If I love her enough, I will stand by her for better or worst", or is it, "I love her, but I have to take care of myself"? Are you absolutely sure there's nobody better out there?

HHMM wanted compnay? i guess

I have always been there for her, regardless of anything else. The question I'm trying to deal with right now is whether I can (realistically) continue to do that. I'm at the point where I'm having some doubts about my ability to help her on anything other than a very short-term basis, and I'm not sure that's particularly helpful for either one of us.

And, no, I'm not absolutely 100% sure there's nobody better out there. But I will say that I've -- up till now -- never run across anyone who even comes close to her, intellectually, creatively, or (when things are going well) compatibility-wise.

She is also the only one I've ever met whose life didn't revolve around booze and babies, or the attempt to acquire booze and babies. If there is anyone else like that out there, I'd love to meet her. But I really don't think there are any more like her.

If women aren't interested in knowing this stuff about you, well, there's not much I can say.

Maybe this is off the subject but i've dated girls before that had "that guy" in thier life. The one she says "oh he's just a friend" or I would be out with her and dude would call 4 or 5 times during the night. She would even answer the phone and tell him to stop calling or something I mean not even act civil to the guy. But how is it that he is still always there? Do some people just get so wrapped up in another person, maybe fantasize in their minds about this person so much that they believe they have a relationship with that person? Or was I always just playing the fool?

I got robbed !

Grrrrr ...

I think this is what's called "keeping your options open".

Did You Really Think of Us as Friends?
I just knew you as a nice, attractive, likable person who laughed at my jokes. (You get major brownie points for that), If I had known, I would have chatted you up. We might be actual friends by now. I'll send you a friend request so that maybe we can patch this up

Ooops. I'm too old to get past your Profile Message filter.

The sex was amazing ;)

The last serious relationship was a mistake and we both knew it before the wedding. We both hooked up for the companionship. Worst of it was he got hurt because he was in love, in his own way, and I only thought of us as good partners, which worked for almost 7 yrs. But over time when you feel more lonely being with someone then you do just being on your own alone, then it was time to get out.

If there is a next time for me...hope to be with the person that you are truly happy to be with and yes can talk about anything without fear.

In my mind this person would be your soul mate, not always easy to find.

To All...Peace on your journey in finding Happiness...