as i was writing my final text to you tonight, i almost typed "i miss you" but thought twice about it and did not. how strange is it that i should miss you when we have not yet met?

strange days indeed. i accept and appreciate every opportunity with which i am presented.

Every time that we talk, I am tempted to tell you that I miss you -- to come home because it is here with me that you belong. You even said it yourself that when you were in NJ, around me, with me and living with me, there was a lot less drama in your life.

There's a million things I want so badly to tell you but I refuse to over the phone. Next month, next month .. assuming you really are coming here for my birthday and not just all talk ...

Swirling all around me like butterflies, yet all refuse to land - unlike the butterflies. The butterflies do not fear me, yet all men do.

Love has allways kept itself just out of my reach but now when I think of the meaning you are the only thing I see.

Bummer this sucks, big time
I hate being away from you
it's tearing me apart
i hate smiling outside and crying inside
stupid stupid long distance relationships
Damn I love you
ok I feel better now
had to have a winge
Love you heaps

still think of you sometimes and hope u are well

People say i knew what I got myself into... That i knew what to expect.... Its True.. Everytime you put on that uniform and walk out the door to represent your country I know your not JUST mine... You belong to your nation. You represent what we all believe in.

What I didnt expect was for it to get soo much harder for me to let you walk out that door. For me to hear from you once a week, sometimes only once a every 2months..

I get angry... I cry.. I think about leaving.....Then i look around and I see the house we have turned into a home, the animals we have that think of us as mum and dad, all the times you make me smile and laugh and how you tell me I can do anything and be anything I want.. The notes you leave around the house for me when your going away... The i love you's, kisses in the rain, the way we push each other through when we dont think we can go on, the fights that end with "what are we fighting about again"....

I grow in love with you more and more everyday.... Wether you are here or not and thats when I realise :Real Love is not based on romance , candle light dinner and walks along the beach. In fact is based on respect , compromise , care and trust.....

I would rather have you a month a year then not have you at all.........


AS her man in uniform.....

Something weird is going on ... I haven't heard from you since Thursday. On Saturday I texted you in which your only reply was a laugh. You didn't answer the text after that.

Maybe I am just a stupid girl chasing a stupid guy.

I guess i can let it out here since i know you will never read this...you were my one and only love and i gave you my all without a thought. I put you first above all things and i was so happy being in your arms at night and waking up to your sweet kiss in the morning. Our wedding vows included loving each other till the end. Even after i knew we had failed i still loved you for who you were. you were my friend before my lover and i felt safe and sane being with you. I never imagined you would hurt me for i gave you no reason to do so. but i understand now that people fall out of love.

I no longer love you but i do have a very strong feeling towards you. And i remind you once in a while, when the tequila hits the opened wounds of my heart and reminds me of the pain you caused it.

Wow. I love this sharing of emotion. I read some powerful stuff. Lots of heartbreak along with the love. I'm in the heartbreak space too.

My note to DR:

I've been crying off and on for the past four hours while going through this closure processing. Of course, you're not aware of that. You never did understand my feelings. You certainly never gave them any validity. But I've begun my closure finally. You already have yours. And though you don't wish to cooperate for me to have mine, the goal will be achieved with or without your cooperation. I will get what I need.

I will process you and put you into a box. And you will be stuck in the attic. I have a lot of work to do to put you into the attic, but I'm committed to that now. As for your refusal to provide me that one small token to allow our emotional parting, I guess I'll be seeing you in court. This WILL turn out the way that it's supposed to. You hurt me when we were together. You used me when we were together. I will not allow you to continue to use me. You have no ownership rights over me. I will get my physical token that I require, whether I have to get help or not. And I will be sure that we will be severed, in ALL ways. When you are not able to hurt me anymore, in ANY way, I will be done with you.

To my Secret love Affair...

We had lots of good times...in the back seat of your car, the beach, your back porch, my living room, the closet! I am glad I met you, regardless of the circumstances. I never thought I could be the "other one" but being with you made me realize that I have no more feelings to give, my past relationship took everything with it. You felt that and I know that’s why you liked me because you knew I wouldn’t get attached and you could easily go home to your wife.

We had fun for 4 months, but then I realized that I should let you go. You didn’t want to end our “Friends with Benefits” relationship but I knew it was the right thing to do. Now I still go to the beach to people watch like we used to….and I miss you. I miss having someone fun to joke around with. I’m sorry if I don’t reply to your messages, I just don’t want to be the cause of your divorce.

Where, oh where, are you? And tonight I speak to someone I have not yet met.

To my heart....

I can say these things here cuz you wont ever read them. Im sorry i said the things i said to you. i was mad, i spent 3 grand on that trip for valentines day and you dumped me 2 weeks before it happened. I didnt get travelers insurance so no refund either oh wells.... I miss you and I know you dont want me but i want you to know ill always love you. No one has ever left an impression on my soul like you have. I hope that wherever you go and whatever you do life treat you very well. Thank you for showing me what love is. A wise man once told me, "if you truly love some one and you cant make them happy you let them go, for a wounded bird will never sing and what would you do without hearing that birds song?" the same man said "never ever give up on someone you love." So im letting go but i refuse to give up on you. No im not gonna be a staalker or some crazy *** **** like that. Im just gonna keep your memory alive in me always. Chin up kid and keep on smilin, cuz the sun rises in the east to see your smile first

with love
mo

I have to let you go but I don't know how too or where to start. Why is letting go so hard? Is it because if I do it now I might never get any sort of closure? I'm pretty sure that's the reason .. along with the fact that I just want one more chance to see you -- to tell you that i caught feeling for you. But lately you have been distant and this is a first. And you have been sounding as though you will not be able to make it in March. I realize I am probably going to get hurt weather I see you or not. I think not having closure overrules rejection. I don't think about you as much as I used too but I still care and I think that's going to be the worse obstacle to over come.

Some days I dislike you but then i feel guilty for feeling that way because I don't really know what's going on in Florida or why you've been distant and more "busier" than usual. It seems I got my hopes up after all even though for a while I refused to admit it. But despite all I have written, I am going to be that girl who waits to see if you come around next month. I can safely say that if you don't ... I am done this dance with you. No ifs, ands, or buts. And I'll be able to move on with all the closure that I need.

Babe you literally make me drool
I have searched for you for 48 years.
I would travel the world to get to you.
I promise to always be there when you need someone to pick up the pieces.
I will hold you when you need me too, dry your tears when you cry, and keep your fairy tale alive.
I will share your life, your joy and your love.
I will never leave you, regardless of what goes on around us.
You will always be first in my life, and together we will make our home a shelter for our children, filled with love and fun.
I Love you Joanne

Sooo sweet! Congratulations and the best of everything to you both

To Derek:

You said you loved me. You said you wanted me to be happy. You got your closure and you have moved on to "love" someone else. I want to let go of you, but I need my closure. How am I to get my closure when there are still ties out there for all the world to see? You "love" someone else. You say you've let me go and you want nothing to do with me. Fine. But YOU have to get rid of those ties that YOU hold onto. When YOU remove the ties that still bind us together, I will be able to let you go and be free. I will ask this of you once. I hope that you will see that YOU are the one keeping me tied to you, and that YOU will then cut the ties that YOU possess. I do not belong to you anymore. I am NOT your possession anymore. You can't use me for YOUR benefit anymore because WE are no more. I let it go on for this long after we "split up" because I knew you hadn't moved on and I held out hope that time would allow us to heal and try again. But now you "love" someone else. So you should be able to cut those final ties and let me be free now. If you ever loved me, you should want me to be happy as you said you did. So cut the ties, let me have my closure, let me be free of you.

To Derek again:

OMFG. You are now engaged? 44 days ago you were with me (1/15/11). Then 6 days later something happened and you were freaking out (1/21/11). Then something else happened unexpectedly. You weren't sure what it was or what it meant but you were sure that you were done with me (1/28/11). Then you were in a relationship (2/4/11). Then you were in love on Valentine's Day (2/14/11). And now you're engaged (2/28/11). Holy fu$ck. I am laughing really. If you're going to be happy, fine, whatever. But cut the ties to me, dude. Really. It's perverse that you're holding onto them. I WILL go beyond my pleasant emails. I WILL get what I deserve. I think that I will call a lawyer tomorrow to see what my options are. I am in shock. I am sickened. But I have to laugh. I'm trying to want you to be happy, but you have to let me go so I can be happy too.

And Derek...you were SO wrong. I regret you more than anything. You hurt me more than anyone in my life ever has. You f#ucking suck bigtime.

To Derek yet again:

I cried again tonight. I processed a ton of **** including what was probably the best day we had together, our first day. I wrote 11 handwritten pages which is oh, so appropriate, isn't it?

11:11. Four. But I don't understand the eights. I love you. I hate you. I loved you. I hated you. I don't know which is true. I'll miss you never. I'll miss you forever. It doesn't matter to you. I wish I could do an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and just have you erased from my memory. All the good, all the bad. Especially the good. That's what ****ing hurts to lose. And when you say you had no good, well, that ****ing hurts too. I gave you everything I had and everything I am. I'm sorry that wasn't good enough for you.