its not shallow, i am 5'10, i usually date taller guys. . but sometimes i meet shorter guys over time and end up falling for them anyways. .

A lot of people are responding that it's not shallow, just a preference. Really? So, if I said that I couldn't get past the idea of dating a woman who has small tîts, that's not shallow? It's just a preference? Yes, of course it's shallow. This isn't about whether the guy has good hygiene, is healthy, treats you well, or is intellectually or emotionally compatible with you. It's every bit as shallow as someone who won't date heavy women or redheads or Asians or anyone with a physical condition that means nothing important to the relationship. So, yes, it's shallow. But here's the kicker: You have every right to be shallow when it comes to physical attraction, within reason (i.e., it doesn't lead you into unhealthy relationships based solely on physical attractiveness, etc.).

Just be clear with yourself on one important point, however: If a guy is shorter than you are and you reject him on that basis, that's your right; but your inability to accept him based on his height is a refection on you, not him. His height isn't his problem; it's yours. That's the same as if I won't date a heavyset woman, it is a reflection on me and my own shortcomings and my inability to get past some flaw in my own psyche — a personal prejudice or obsession with what others will think or whatever.

It's not my intention to be mean-spirited here, no more than it's your intention to hurt the feelings of a guy who's a bit shorter than you are, and I'm not suggesting you're a bad person for your preference. We all have personal preferences, and we're all at least a little shallow and have myriad other shortcomings. That's a simple matter of being human. We can't all like the same things, and we can't all have the same attributes. Physical attraction is unique from one person to the next, and it's the result of thousands of years of human development. For better or worse, it's a crucial part of the human condition. Accept your preference, accept that it's shallow, and accept that it's justifiable.

interesting to note


curious to know how people discern a preference from a SHALLOW preference, is there a difference?

preference usually implies a specific trait, which in and of itself could be considered SHALLOW,,,,,,

I would say that the difference between a simple preference and a shallow preference isn't difficult to discern, generally speaking. For instance, I may prefer someone who went to college because I feel that I'm going to have more compatibility with that person intellectually. However, I may find a woman who is very intelligent but never stepped inside a college classroom. Am I willing to date her and get to know her better, or do I reject her out of hand? Which is the shallow response? If I like Asian women, that may be my preference. If I won't consider anyone except Asian women, isn't that shallow?

On the other hand, there are some instances where someone may have a preference that could seem shallow but really isn't. For instance, if a woman loves spending time outdoors running, hiking, etc. and she is looking for an athletic guy because she wants her lover to be an activity partner as well, that's less about a surface attraction than it is about the dynamics of the relationship.

So, I guess the general rule of thumb for me as to whether a preference is shallow comes down to motivation and flexibility. I'm shallow about a lot of things. I try to be more open, and in truth my appreciation for beauty has expanded greatly in recent years, but I know that I retain a lot of prejudice regarding appearance and a variety of other things that don't really matter. On other attributes, I have preferences (e.g., breast size) but they're not necessarily deal-breakers. I'm not sure I'm being especially coherent on this topic, but I hope I've clarified my point somewhat.

sure, basically it sounds that the main variable is how FLEXIBLE a preference is

I am 6'4'' so I understand your preference a girl that is taller than 5'11'' is kinda freaky to me but I like to date shorter girl to when they wear heals they still wont be as tall as me just feels better that way and looks better as well.

As far as shallow goes you wanting a tall guy and me wanting a non-fat woman is not shallow at all it is normal and it's good preferences

I agree. Weight can be an indirect indicator of a person's values - especially whether they value their health. I know there are exceptions.


Its hilarious how the shallow and superficial people are so prone to assuming that people of depth must also be physically unattractive or have difficulty getting women.

I agree with most of what Resserts said. Its good to be honest with ourselves about our shallowness.

My point was less about the actual topic of whether it is shallow or not. It was more a shoes on the other foot kind of thing. When someone has a preference like weight and people have a personal connection to it it becomes shallow and they get defensive. However when it changes to a preference they agree with it is not shallow. This was the observation I found a bit humorous. We as humans are so hypocritical. And I agree we are all shallow to some extent.

I may be shallow but if I am shallow then everyone is shallow in there own way having preferences means your shallow in some way
the only people not shallow are the people who don't give a rats arse and take what they get

If expecting a woman to take care of themselves as I do is shallow then fine I am shallow

And people with looks can have depth I think I have depth I just hate people who don't have double standards although I understand it I don't like it what so ever

Not shallow, but I refuse to have a list of qualities, if I like you, I like you. Every woman is sexy and lovable in their own different ways.

I agree that I have my own preferences which some people might consider shallow - but I'm still not convinced this applies to everyone.





Absolutely! Sometimes its a result of their genetics and their concern for health. There are even some people even put effort into being 'superficially attractive' for some higher purpose, like the spokesperson for a non-profit.

What makes you feel like that is shallow?

THIS... DOES NOT... MAKE SENSE!!!

(I watched the South Park episode for the first time last night, in which the Chef sues a record company, and the record company hires OJ's lawyer.)

And they can have feelings, too!

Imagine my surprise when I first learned this at a tender age of 45-48.

It's just that beautiful women hide these qualities in front of most people, ugly or not, because they have had bad experiences with getting their happiness and good mood misunderstood for signals.

I learned this too late. Nobody ever told me this, and all I'd been getting from good looking women all my life were cold shoulders and expressionless demeanors.

So I learned to hate really good looking women.

But now I know that they are human too, but for some unfortunate reason I can't get rid of my absolute burning hatred toward them.

Well... who said life would be fair.

Ah, you speak of the Chewbacca defense.

My favorite part is when he says "Look at the monkey" and some juror's head explodes.

You know... I bought the whole series, and now I watch an episode a night, in bed.

It is the first show produced on North American soil, first comedy, that I enjoy watching and don't get sick of.

Seinfeld was very funny, but if you watched it three days in a row, you felt this uneasy squeeziness. Same with Sex In The City. I can still watch Sein, but not SITC.

However, this SoPa... it helps me to cry myself to sleep with laughter every night. The one ... hahahaha, the one that breaks me up even just thinking about ... hahahahahhahaha, is the one the Sexual Harassment Panda... that is the stupidest thing I've ever seen and believe me, I have seen quite a number of stupid things in my life.

what is justifiable for me is decided by me & me alone -for you to say that a choice of a man I make is justifiable or not is not only absurd but a little scary on the control freaky side

Personally I am much much more attracted to taller men. When I wear heels I'm 5-8 or 5-9 and I wear heels. I could date a guy who was only a little taller than me, but not one shorter - just couldnt go there. And I prefer considerably taller and bigger than me, but not fat - period.

Shoot buying red shoes over black is considered shallow now a days.

It is so hard to keep up