Jeff,,to be real with ya man,,I ALSO,,have had a really BAD MONTH.
and things are totally FLUCKED UP.....

For me its like the SAME GAME of PAIN, but through another's heart
YET,,still the same ol-chit different time,place,and lives...

And after four years of TESTING<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Its just damn SAD to RE-LIVE what THEY KNEW YOU ALREADY LIVED THROUGH!

I mean HOW,,,F-ED-UP is THAT???????

So yes,,,life AGAIN has me feeling this same STRAIN,PAIN,and NOW
EVEN GUILT for allowing myself to be so damn INSANE as to LET THAT HAPPEN, AGAIN,,,,,,lol,,,


But WE ALL PULL THROUGH (ALL) that life throws at us,,,many use different WAYS to get through THEIR'S,,,Med's, drugs, Booze,,and GOD

SOME have no-OUT for their release of stress and torment,,and THEY
SUFFER GREATLY,,,coping with THEIR WTF????

I have mine as a reacessment of ME,,,,REASON the FAULT,,DEAL WITH THAT, and MOVE FORWARDS because, there IS NO BACK-UP...in LIFE..

I AM STILL OK,,,I AM STILL WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO LOVE ME.
I AM NOT DYING, NOR CRIPPLED,,,so-----LIFE IS GOOD!!!!

But dealing with ALONE,,and that WTF? Is HARD to HANDLE,,
I don't care WHO YOU ARE!

Find YOUR RELEASE,,,mine is writing and keeping very BUSY on the NET
it allows me to talk to others who help me build ME back-up,,and it allows an escape for my mind to GO-TO,,that takes it off all the CHIT up in it....

Look into your heart,,and try to FEEL the Peace you KNOW HAS LIVED THERE,,,,and Move forwards each new day...

Just DO,,,whatever you want or like that KEEPS YOUR MIND from THINKING ABOUT HOW BAD LIFE IS RIGHT NOW,,,,with each NEW thought,,YOUR pain slips back deeper to find...

Thats my BEST for you,,and ME,,and for EVERYONE who has the cabin Fever blues and X-MAS blaws this time of the year,,,Good Luck man.
And IF,,you need a friend to talk,,email me, or we can talk on the phone?,,not a big deal here at all,,as I have been that talking dude here for a long time.....and trust me,,on EVERYTHING that anyone can have to go through...I have talked with THEM...

xmas blues? Cabin fever blues???? This doesn't sound to me like the kind of depression bedlum is talking about. It sounds like a real and scary thing and, bedlum find a real human to talk to.

When I lost my husband to cancer I sat in a chair for four months, breathing through another day meant it had been a good day. Depression is real.

bedlum if this a season or holiday related experience then do the things suggested here, if it is more, talk to someone as soon as possible. Now would good!

Inhale...exhale....


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Thank u mingle friends

YOU bring up a good point Seamac,,DEPRESSION is a very bad
issue of health to deal with,,and sorry,,SO MANY of who I talk with,,ALREADY KNOW AND HAVE depression as thier friend to fight...

If you can't sleep,,like up every hour,,or shake,,,or can't eat or want to,,or do, just set and weep,,,GET A DOC and ask for HIS opinion
Depression and the having-IT,,,,many times its PASSED DOWN through your family genes,,,,but not always,,as many FIND IT daily within them...

I can normally work thru anything ,I just have to talk thru it...thanx everyone for the support and concern..and listening

Thats really WHAT we're here for man,,,I figured that one out at the end of my first year on here,,WE ARE FAMILY MAN..

Yes, I am!!!!!!

Hi Bedlum, I don't know you, but I feel your pain and am sorry your going through this darkness..It must feel like such an isolated feeling..yes one can get clinically depressed for no reason, and no it isn't just you, I have also felt, experienced that "darkness" in the past...to the point where I went to see a therapist, who suggested I get a dog, (yeah she really did) which I took her advice as soon as I left her office I went to the Humane Society and adopted a dog, best thing I've done in a long time, forced me to get out and walk it, take it to dog parks, ended up taking that dog with me everywhere I went...which before I would never leave my house...there is light at the end of the tunnel.It's like krupa said, change the scenery, little steps will go a long way...I wish you the best...:)

I've have read all of the way through the thusfar of this. A truly touching and evocative piece you have written. ALL of the reactions have been splendid as well!!!!!

It's incredibly remarkable actually. You seem to have really struck a chord (notes played in unison). Even (and "especially") at our lonliest....we are SO FAR from alone.

Suppose I could have just said, "Thanks."

My depression symptoms aren't any of the above. There is a wide array of symptoms. I generally have very little energy, feel like the world is closing in on me with no light at the end of the tunnel, lose interest in daily activities, (since I have a child) doing daily things like cooking and cleaning, I barely do and feel like I am encased in cement, I have lots of negative thinking (which is normally not my personality), I am easily irritated, I will sleep more but not feel rested.

If you are concerned about any feelings you are having there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help.

Is easy when u r this down to wonder what the point is..I'm waiting for that punch line.

But I think talking about it helps the most...and writing..and knowing someone listened brings back a spark of hope

There are a whole bunch of people on here willing to listen. But, just know that sometimes taking a 'happy pill' prescribed by a doctor will help also.

For most people, depression left untreated will last approximately three months. However, with effective treatment depression can either be less severe or shortened.

Yeah, talking to people helps. Yesterday I called 2 sisters, 2 friends, and my Momma! I only mentioned being depressed to my Mom, but talking to my friends & family did help. Wish I would've gotten a letter from my bad boy (he can always cheer me up :)

I think my mind just has to get used to being alone. I split with the ex back in August but he was still living around here and we interacted daily even though he didn't live with me anymore! Dealing with him was so mentally exhausting that I didn't really have the time to realize I was alone! Moved him 200 miles away and severed all contact so I have to adjust to the quietness & really being alone here now!

My dogs & ponies help with depression too! If the weather were a little nicer I'd go hop on the mare and putz around, but then again the crappy weather is likely contributing to me feeling down-LOL! I gaurantee 2 minutes of sitting on that dang pony will have me grinning from ear to ear...it's like magic! Oh well, my sweet boi doggy picks up on it when I am down and usually does something to make me laugh Or he just lays on me and tries to crush the depression slap outta me!

I think everyone here was really touched by your poem and you are certainly not alone! Even the strongest, most optimistic people are gonna have to deal with some type of depression throughout life!

I use to take an herbal serotonin supplement for depression that was actually recommended by a doctor since you don't need a script for it! I quit taking it when I split with the ex because life was less stressful & i have been fine for about 4 months without it. If this crappy feeling I have ain't better in a few days then I'm going to start taking it again.

Its hard to explain...kinda like the gravity of reality makes it hard to breathe..

And everything seems to be sharply contrasted, making everything look so surreal & pointless
I think that describes it.. Close to it

I'm not deep into it any more ....but I'm still close by it.....
Thought maybe if I could describe it I could get ahold of it

bedlum, might I suggest that you change your criteria? I just spent a fair amount of time writing you a very difficult and heartfelt letter pertaining to this thread of yours, only to have it blocked because I am to old to email you. Totally your call of course, just wish I had seen or thought to look first.

Anyway I am glad you are feeling some better and hope you continue to feel better until you are very soon back to yourself.

May the new year hold only happy surprises for you and yours.

Some say to write in a journel, that way you can still express your feelings but keep it private if you want. It really seemed to help me during some rough times.

I changed my mail setting seamac