Back when I was a teenager I'd been with married men. Now, at 43 I've gotten myself involved with a man who was in a relationship for 5 years & planned to marry another woman. I met him at work through a childhood friend & we hit it off & moved in together right off the bat. Innitially we just got together out of loneliness. Then it turned into more than we planned on. After 2 months of ignoring his fiance he finally called her tonight & broke it to her that he'd found another woman (me) & wanting to end it. He says I've been what he's wanted all his life. I see the pain he's going through & it's tearing me apart. I'm worried if things doesn't work out with us he'll always blame me for their breakup. He's traveling on the road for work & I've planned on uprooting & going on the road with him. He makes good money, treats me like a queen & I don't have to ask him for a thing. Right now him & my childhood friend are all living under the same roof. He's leaving in a week or so going back home to end it permantly & I'm worried she'll convince him to go back to her. Being the other woman isn't what I planned on but, it happened & now I'm afraid of losing him. He loves both of us & doesn't want to hurt her. But, he knows he can't have us both. Anyone with any experience with this type of relationship? I'm way over my head & don't know where this will end.

honey not much you can do to stop him from going back to her if that is what he truly wants anymore than she can stop him from staying with you so take it as it comes! ((HUGS))

a man in love only has eyes for one woman..question is which one of you does he really love??

grandpa used to say, you made your bed, now lie in it. at 43 you should know by now that the decisions you make come with consequences. what makes this difficult is that you are not alone in the decision that you made. i take it that since you did this as a teen, you had no problem doing this now, and since you have never been on the other side of the coin you can't know the right thing to do in the first place. he of course has to deal with his own guilt or lack there of. seems like you took a gamble and want the odds to be in your favor now. like fireflysgirl said, it's all in the roll of the dice now. best you can do is sit back and let it take it's course. hope that karma isn't a ***** and comes to bite you on your azz, and if you do end up in his arms, keep him close. he did it to her...

best of luck to you girl

That's what scares me!! I don't want to hurt this other woman. From what he's told me she's a good woman Someone I'd probably like & be friends with if under different circumstances. He's just realized she isn't what he wants anymore. If things doesn't work out I swear I'll never get involved with a "taken" man again!!

I keep reading this part...over..cuz something just isnt right...

first..you got involved with a man who was in a 5 year relationship, engaged (cuz obviously he couldnt make up his mind or was waiting for something better to come along)

second..you "moved in together right off the bat", sounds like he was test driving the merchandise first..

third..and this is what kills me..it took him TWO MONTHS to getting around to telling this woman whose been with him for FIVE YEARS that he found "another woman"...(guess you pass the road test)

honestly...its right in front of you, what you can expect from this man...as you sow, so shall you reap. Im thinking the "other woman" is getting the better end of the deal.

this is why i feel it is always better to end one thing before starting another.

i find it interesting that you say you don't want to hurt the other woman by having him end it with her. if that were true; perhaps you might have used better judgement when entering this mess. it appears a bit late to grow a conscience now. even if it is only because you still fear being the one left behind.

he on the other hand doesn't seem too bothered by it. (and doesn't that say much about this man) he gets to lead her on, while taking you for a spin, then if he decides not to dump her you get the boot. either way, it looks like he (this wonderful human being) gets to walk away with one of you. funny how he has worked the odds in his favor. too bad it is going to be at the expense of others.

Well, nothing else to add here - everyone else has summed this up quite nicely.

Good luck to you

It sounds like you knew in the beginning that he was involved with another woman. Sorry, but I have no sympathy for those who get involved with people like that. I hope it all works out, but if it doesn't, you knew what you were getting into.

Does anyone else hear a whistle blowing fervently to clear the tracks warning others to stand clear of this impending train wreck?


I could be wrong............

Honey,

I can't find the man who will make me be "THE" one

Ya think I'm gonna bother with a man who makes me the "OTHER" one

Come on....

Think!

If you don't want to hurt her why not a threesome?!

or a poly relationship.

You're in over your head and you don't know where this will end??
I think Michiganman nailed it ...

I agree with kc on this one....

Ohhh and it is too late to worry who will get hurt for in the long run even if he picks you for now down the road he will find another he calls the one while your put on the back burner.. .

?????????


If these other guys wanna sugar coat it...ok.

I aint that diplomatic.

You got no problem dealing with decietful, cheating pieces of human crap.....if that is your thing...so be it. You know damned well someone WILL be crushed when this thing nose dives....but, that will be there problem.

Everyone involved in this abortion is exactly the kind of people I loathe and refuse to let into my life.

Best of luck.

Let's hope someone else is the one getting emotionally destroyed.

I read this and am so thankful that I have never put myself in this position.

It's hard to see where any of it would be win-win. I wouldn't want to be involved in a losing proposition from all sides. The best that can come from this is a experience that you can learn from and try not make the same mistake in the future.

I'll just say it and be done. He leaves her for you, and this is the manner in which he will do it....then one day he will leave you for someone else. He sounds like a dude who doesn't know what he wants. Well, he wants great sex, and a companion. But I can't see where this dudes really knows what love is all about. Hate that you became attached to him Tess. But this is going down a road that will ultimately lead to more chaos and hurt feelings.

Wow, Ummm how can anyone love two people in that way...
When I love there is no room for anyone else. And I could never ever ever share my man in that way even for a sec.. Just be careful and dont end up torn apart.

kc, I like your eloquent, honest, feedback. You sound like good friend material.

I fully agree: "it is always better to end one thing before starting another."