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| Topic: Is this a 'red flag'? | |
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ugggg! im sorry.. only from my experience! yes! i dated a guy for 6 yrs.. that was never married.. i dont think he will ever be just like his daddy told me!.. he hated his self.. and could not be nice to anyone who showed him love! his momma told me cause of his weight.. well in the 6 yrs he gained back humm 65 lbs i did love him anyway! he could never trust that i guess.. sad! cause i sure did.. too bad he wasnt able to love back... so my answer is some people can never get over the issues the have within their self... and are not capable of love
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I wouldn't plan on having a LTR with him.. As a group, may I say.. We are all happy to hear this, ewwie.  Naw...that would be your foreskin. 
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If a person (a man in this case but...) is 47 and has never been married is that a red flag or am I over thinking it? I don't know any details yet. He comes into where I work and hangs around for awhile talking and I get the idea he likes me. I am just wondering about this...is it a red flag or am I being absurd/overly cautious? red flag...but I agree w/ lex- get more info & good luck!! 
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Thanks everyone for all your input on my red flag question. I am hoping for the chance to get more information but will tread lightly! What is a red flag for some may not be to others but I believe that when one feels a red flag one should pay attention to the message. Thanks again and I will let all you great well wishing friends know if he ever asks me out!
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I don't think it is, it just means he hasn't met someone he felt comfortable with marrying yet most likely. |
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He might be smart for one or: he could be a mama's boy, or have bonding/intimacy issues too |
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I am pushing up into that age bracket and never married. My reason...after what my Dad and Brother went though...I swore I would never get a divorce. Not being married helps with that goal. Bear in mind that the idea of marriage has changed greatly in the past 50 years. When I went to my 20th high school reunion...everybody showed up looking "rough"...they ALL had gotten short, dumpy, grey or balding and wrinkly. The commonalities among them...marriage/divorce and 2.5 hell spawned children. You have no idea how many times that weekend I was told.."You were the smartest one out of all of us." "God, I wished I felt as happy as you look", "Take my wife and kids...I want your life". Even my brother and my sister agree that I did the right thing and now the do the same. Hell, my brother wont even allow a woman to move in..."You have your house, I will have mine"...he and his woman have been together for 11 years. Marriage aint everything. ....and Sea...you would lay me like a throw rug girl!  IDK krupa I dont think marriage has changed, but divorce certainly has - and not for the better. Couples need think seriously about divorce and avoid it if they can. It's a real shark pond- the system dives in immediately to probe for & take as much of the combined wealth you have accummulated during the marriage as they can legally (and not so legally)justify. It didn't used to be that way. When my parents divorced it was pretty much a no fault , flat fee type of thing (in general - I dont really know the details as my parents kept us out of most of it) and what you saw of your friends I think is classic. People who aren't in the dating pool tend to stop caring as much abouttheir physical appearance and that is a big mistake. I wonder how often THAT contributes to infidelity & divorce |
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Let it happen, rather than making decisions now for whether to have a LTR or not, take it one day at the time, one step at the time, keep your wits about you, don't believe him, but believe in trust, believe that we all want love. Listen (like you do) to your inner warnings, and if they nag, take them seriously!!! ... but maybe you should also realize that 2ndguessing is normal, but can sometimes leads to unnecessary complications, I mean to me, all the talk about what to deduce from him not being married is horse**** - simply because you can NEVER know until you get to know him... is it because he's immature, because he's a freak, because he never met the right1, because no one wanted him, because he's shy, because he doesn't believe in marriage... take your pick, it'll lead you nowhere... if you are interested in him, go get to know him, while keeping your wits sharp and your eyes open.
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Let it happen, rather than making decisions now for whether to have a LTR or not, take it one day at the time, one step at the time, keep your wits about you, don't believe him, but believe in trust, believe that we all want love. Listen (like you do) to your inner warnings, and if they nag, take them seriously!!! ... but maybe you should also realize that 2ndguessing is normal, but can sometimes leads to unnecessary complications, I mean to me, all the talk about what to deduce from him not being married is horse**** - simply because you can NEVER know until you get to know him... is it because he's immature, because he's a freak, because he never met the right1, because no one wanted him, because he's shy, because he doesn't believe in marriage... take your pick, it'll lead you nowhere... if you are interested in him, go get to know him, while keeping your wits sharp and your eyes open. Yes to all of the above and thanks too! I just wanted to know if others saw this as a red flag...he may ask me out or I him or maybe just some idle chat at my work is all it will ever be. I am open to whatever comes of it but I do happen to be curious as to why he never married. Perhaps it is as he said, works a lot and hasn't met the right person but to me, my gut or knee jerk reaction was a red flag so, yes I will keep my wits about me even if I get that swept away feeling! |
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I am pushing up into that age bracket and never married. My reason...after what my Dad and Brother went though...I swore I would never get a divorce. Not being married helps with that goal. Bear in mind that the idea of marriage has changed greatly in the past 50 years. When I went to my 20th high school reunion...everybody showed up looking "rough"...they ALL had gotten short, dumpy, grey or balding and wrinkly. The commonalities among them...marriage/divorce and 2.5 hell spawned children. You have no idea how many times that weekend I was told.."You were the smartest one out of all of us." "God, I wished I felt as happy as you look", "Take my wife and kids...I want your life". Even my brother and my sister agree that I did the right thing and now the do the same. Hell, my brother wont even allow a woman to move in..."You have your house, I will have mine"...he and his woman have been together for 11 years. Marriage aint everything. ....and Sea...you would lay me like a throw rug girl! Oh my gosh how did I miss this one!?? Any time Krupa, any time! Just be warned that you'll be ruined for any other rug laying for the rest of time! |
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I am pushing up into that age bracket and never married. My reason...after what my Dad and Brother went though...I swore I would never get a divorce. Not being married helps with that goal. Bear in mind that the idea of marriage has changed greatly in the past 50 years. When I went to my 20th high school reunion...everybody showed up looking "rough"...they ALL had gotten short, dumpy, grey or balding and wrinkly. The commonalities among them...marriage/divorce and 2.5 hell spawned children. You have no idea how many times that weekend I was told.."You were the smartest one out of all of us." "God, I wished I felt as happy as you look", "Take my wife and kids...I want your life". Even my brother and my sister agree that I did the right thing and now the do the same. Hell, my brother wont even allow a woman to move in..."You have your house, I will have mine"...he and his woman have been together for 11 years. Marriage aint everything. ....and Sea...you would lay me like a throw rug girl! Oh my gosh how did I miss this one!?? Any time Krupa, any time! Just be warned that you'll be ruined for any other rug laying for the rest of time! plannin' on keepin' him busy laying that carpet eh? Good for u seamac 
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people are different ...we all have our stories ...and alot of people do not fit that "mold" and when they dont they tend to get labelled.
i'd say give it some time n get to know eachother some more :) in the end ..... hope it all works out .... best of luck! |
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If a person (a man in this case but...) is 47 and has never been married is that a red flag or am I over thinking it? I don't know any details yet. He comes into where I work and hangs around for awhile talking and I get the idea he likes me. I am just wondering about this...is it a red flag or am I being absurd/overly cautious? I'd be more worried about someone who has been married and divorced several times, rather than someone who has not been married. |
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I would be a little bit cautious too. Whenever I see a 'never been married' I always wonder what's wrong with them. LOL. But it could be that he's never been married but has been in a long-term relationship. But there again, there's the other argument of maybe better to go with someone who's never been married than with someone who's been married before, maybe more than once who may have negative baggage. Really, I wouldn't dismiss anyone because of their 'status'. If you find him interesting give him a chance, and find out his story and make your judgement based on that, and how you feel about him once you know him better. At what age does the never been married people start to make you wonder? I mean, I've had people ask me why I'm over 30 and have never been married before. But like I said in my last post, I'd worry more about those who have been married more than a couple times, rather than those who haven't been married. |
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If a person (a man in this case but...) is 47 and has never been married is that a red flag or am I over thinking it? I don't know any details yet. He comes into where I work and hangs around for awhile talking and I get the idea he likes me. I am just wondering about this...is it a red flag or am I being absurd/overly cautious? In my opinion, never having been married is not a red flag. |
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I wouldn't plan on having a LTR with him.. I agree. |
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Hmm. I've known people who have been married for a short time, yet people who have been together longer and never been married. So, how does not having been married yet mean you can't have a long term relationship?
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My experience with men who have never been married by that age shows they are probably not going to get married.
People can have an LTR without getting married but they are not the norm or that common is what I mean. I think men who want to be married in life have usually married by 30 or so. Just my observation of the men I have known. |
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Hmm. I've known people who have been married for a short time, yet people who have been together longer and never been married. So, how does not having been married yet mean you can't have a long term relationship? i agree. you said it all singmesweet. don`t judge the guy so early on. give him a chance. you will uncover his intimacy issues soon enough. He has them for sure! We all have with or without a marriage in our back. |
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Believe your instincts. But maybe he just never found one to marry. If your interested, then why not ask him, If he'd like to meet for coffee after work? At the vary least you'll answer your question,a nd maybe make a new friend. Good Luck Sweetie.
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