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| Topic: Ladies - how would you react to this? | |
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Hi, interesting. You call him "Friend". Yes he's being an idiot, and insecure and trying to make you feel bad. He's lonely, Do you remember the feeling? Do you like to be kicked in the teeth from your friends. Just emphasize the fact you weren't trying to give him hope for anything relationally and you don't want to make him feel bad so maybe it's better to part ways. Be the bigger person, you did spend time with him? Tell the truth and be direct, but nice. Thats a FRIEND or just go your way since you may not be.??? Thank you. Yes I remember that feeling only too well, and I'm not going to get any 'kick' out of hurting him more. That's why I've held off on replying to him. I need some time so that I can be 'nice' and not reply in an angry manner. |
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it's ALL about HIS happiness.
so, lest there is seen something in it for HIM, of no useful purpose or meaning. these shall indeed be inclined to try to CONTROL the actions of other's, to try to make them suite self happiness most. and any words that would imply such, will be deemed as mean, hateful, ugly, attacking, and coming from a "negative" person... typical narcissist. look for ways to find how other's DO NOT VALUE SELF. but, yet what they expect, and even demand from others, they do not even begin to give themself. a tough road of self induced "blind to all other things but me" misery, be ahead for this one. |
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Wow. Someone really needs to get over themselves. If you were only friends, then it shouldn't matter and he has no right to open his mouth like that and swallow his foot up to his knee cap. Wow.
I go ya one better, I met a guy here on this site...went and had drinks, hit it off. He hasn't called since. i sent him a text to see how his time with his daughter was and he replied that he had fun with her...then NOTHING. I know I am getting back into the swing of dating, but come on guys! Either tell us right away that you want a booty call, a woman to date or a friend. Don't lead us on with promises that you can't deliver! Sorry for venting. I will return the soapbox for someone else to preach from. |
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Edited by
StevenT2
on
Thu 11/11/10 02:33 PM
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I've ran into that problem a few times with girls that I just didn't have the connection with, yet I liked them as people so I wanted to be their friend.. the friendships didn't work out.
but.. something I have learned.. is friendship has to be a mutual understanding.. and just because someone says they understand, doesn't mean they do. I don't blame the guy for holding onto hope, because sometimes it takes a while for chemistry to grow, but the way he replied to you was very immature, and points towards potentially worse problems than are not seen from the surface. |
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I would say call me when the pity parties over
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the more another opens their mouth, to complain, and demand for their own SINGULAR happiness, the MORE this HELPS the wise women shopper...
lol... whom HEARS such words of self demand as PRICELESS FOR HERSELF. of course, the wise women seeing, that no demander shall be converted to none demander, so not controlling, except by someone big enough to demand of them, and control them for a spell, to allow this demander to feel the REALITY of such upon themself. no amount of words to create insight in a grown adult, that still demands, shall ever create anything but more "changed actions", but for the sole purpose of getting for the demander what it wants for itself. so, looks like more caring, but is it? hell, even divulging how such be rude, or inconsiderate unto the SPEAKER of such complaints, just put a women at more risk of being bamboozled by false motives. lest one actually LOVE'S THE MAN, AND IS WILLING TO BEAR THE PAIN OF LEARNING WITH THEM WHILE ALL HIS LIFE CAVE IN AROUND HIM, TO TEACH HIM NOT TO LOOK AT BUT HIMSELF. but, to even be willing to bear the pain of such, with another, but lengthen their own pain from staring at their own self interest alone, as these are now convinced this "demand for self" works all then more, to get them what they want for THEMSELF. so, there are no demands even from a women herself of how not to be treated, that will ever work, rather it be more, not compromising in herself for no one, and then the man that trulyt care for and LOVES HER, WILL CHANGE AND LEARN HOW TO LOVE, BECAUSE SHE CHANGED NOT. just one cent |
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First; Who was paying for all these friendly lunches?
Second; Did the thought occur to you that he may have been talking sarcastically? |
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sounds like the dude has some serious low self-esteem issues and its not your problem...
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First; Who was paying for all these friendly lunches? Second; Did the thought occur to you that he may have been talking sarcastically? We used to take it in turn to buy lunch. And, no it wasn't sarcasm. It's not the first time he's reacted in this way. |
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why play into any of that or give it any power? just speak the truth, 'have a safe trip'. done.
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First; Who was paying for all these friendly lunches? Second; Did the thought occur to you that he may have been talking sarcastically? We used to take it in turn to buy lunch. And, no it wasn't sarcasm. It's not the first time he's reacted in this way. Then it's time to say "buh bye". |
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I met a guy from another dating site about 6 months ago. After our 'meet' he asked me on a 2nd date. Although we found plenty to talk about, I declined as there was absolutely no chemistry on my part. We continued to talk on line as we were both pretty lonely at the time, and we do have a very similar sense of humour. We'd occasionally get together for lunch but I always made it clear that we did this as 'friends' and at no point did we ever 'date' each other. We've been chatting on-line for about 6 months. During this time I had dates with a few other guys, which he was fully aware of, and I've had one relationship which lasted a few months. He contacted me last week and asked if I felt like going out to get some sushi. I said I would but was busy at the time, so said I'd contact him this week and we'd sort something out. This week has been pretty much a disaster; I've had lots of problems I've had to deal with, so didn't manage to get together with him. I sent him this message: 'Hey! Sorry I didn't get back to you this week. Things didn't go according to plan. Want to do sushi next week? I can make any day except Friday. Get back to me when you can.' And this is the reply I received: 'Hey. Not a problem Denni, I'm used to you just tossing me to the curb and forgetting about me. Just a way of life. I'm leaving for Ga next wednesday and may have company up to then. I don't know. Nobody ever treats me with any kind of respect. If somebody has time and is bored out of their skull, they may spend some time with me. I've gotten used to it.' How would you respond to this? Denny, it would depend on what I wanted from the relationship. He just gave you an easy out if u want it... You friend zoned him- that's prolly not what he wanted, and it sounds like there's been some resentment slowly building up, and he over reacted. But unless u have repeatedly broken off get togethers with him his response shows some immaturity - because he hasn't taken steps to deal with the resentment B4- instead just "snapping" basically What was it I said about men and women not being able to be platonic friends on that thread last month  This is a perfect example
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why play into any of that or give it any power? just speak the truth, 'have a safe trip'. done. 
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You took the words right out of my mouth spider! And I have to ask her... Do you you wonder why you are alone? I mean really? I would just let it go and not contact him again. That would be the best for all involved.
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You used him as a friend, because you were "lonely". He held on, because he thought you might change your mind when you got to know him. He didn't realize that you were just using him and had put him into the friend zone. Yeah, maybe you said it, but he always held out hope. He didn't realize that there was no chance of you guys ever having a relationship. Now he feels rejected, depressed and lonelier than you were to begin with. You didn't relieve your loneliness, you transferred yours to him and added a heaping load of rejection. Next time you need a friend, find one who doesn't want to date you. You had a starving man feed you and then got mad when he asked if he could have something to eat. I tend to agree. The friendzone / resentment issues had to have been there, but I think it was just as much his responsibility to deal with those BEFORE they caused an out burst of inappropriate behavior. If she used him - remember he let her - we own our own behaviors - regardless. His outburst was wrong |
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I met a guy from another dating site about 6 months ago. After our 'meet' he asked me on a 2nd date. Although we found plenty to talk about, I declined as there was absolutely no chemistry on my part. We continued to talk on line as we were both pretty lonely at the time, and we do have a very similar sense of humour. We'd occasionally get together for lunch but I always made it clear that we did this as 'friends' and at no point did we ever 'date' each other. We've been chatting on-line for about 6 months. During this time I had dates with a few other guys, which he was fully aware of, and I've had one relationship which lasted a few months. He contacted me last week and asked if I felt like going out to get some sushi. I said I would but was busy at the time, so said I'd contact him this week and we'd sort something out. This week has been pretty much a disaster; I've had lots of problems I've had to deal with, so didn't manage to get together with him. I sent him this message: 'Hey! Sorry I didn't get back to you this week. Things didn't go according to plan. Want to do sushi next week? I can make any day except Friday. Get back to me when you can.' And this is the reply I received: 'Hey. Not a problem Denni, I'm used to you just tossing me to the curb and forgetting about me. Just a way of life. I'm leaving for Ga next wednesday and may have company up to then. I don't know. Nobody ever treats me with any kind of respect. If somebody has time and is bored out of their skull, they may spend some time with me. I've gotten used to it.' How would you respond to this? Denny, it would depend on what I wanted from the relationship. He just gave you an easy out if u want it... You friend zoned him- that's prolly not what he wanted, and it sounds like there's been some resentment slowly building up, and he over reacted. But unless u have repeatedly broken off get togethers with him his response shows some immaturity - because he hasn't taken steps to deal with the resentment B4- instead just "snapping" basically What was it I said about men and women not being able to be platonic friends on that thread last month This is a perfect example Thanks SweetestGirl Yes, I posted in that thread too saying basically the same thing; this is the relationship I had in mind when I made my comments! His comment about me 'continually kicking him to the kerb' doesn't mean I've repeatedly broken off get-togethers. He's referring to every time I go on a date with someone new - despite the fact that I've always made it clear we're not dating. I've decided not to reply to his message. I know he's been badly hurt in the past, hence his 'rejection issues', and I don't want to 'kick him in the teeth'. If he wants to talk to me again he knows how to contact me, if he doesn't, then it would probably be better for him in the long run. |
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You used him as a friend, because you were "lonely". He held on, because he thought you might change your mind when you got to know him. He didn't realize that you were just using him and had put him into the friend zone. Yeah, maybe you said it, but he always held out hope. He didn't realize that there was no chance of you guys ever having a relationship. Now he feels rejected, depressed and lonelier than you were to begin with. You didn't relieve your loneliness, you transferred yours to him and added a heaping load of rejection. Next time you need a friend, find one who doesn't want to date you. You had a starving man feed you and then got mad when he asked if he could have something to eat. I tend to agree. The friendzone / resentment issues had to have been there, but I think it was just as much his responsibility to deal with those BEFORE they caused an out burst of inappropriate behavior. If she used him - remember he let her - we own our own behaviors - regardless. His outburst was wrong Absolutely, they are both to blame for the situation. |
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Edited by
STARTRAVELER
on
Fri 11/12/10 06:53 AM
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You people that are attacking Denny as being misleading are full of it to be blunt.He owns his own reactions and they smell of a lack of confidence.I have experienced the same several times with all kinds of reasons from, You do'nt like overweight people to I want to be married when their divorce was only months old.She married the next guy she dated after 5 Months!No thanks.Denny your doing the right thing!Lose him or suffer the consequences.JMO !
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You people that are attacking Deny as being misleading are full of it to be blunt.He owns his own reactions and they smell of a lack of confidence.I have experienced the same several times with al kinds of reasons from You do'nt like overweight people to I want to be married when thei divorce was only months old.9she married the next guy she dated after 5 Months!No thanks.Denny your doing the right thing!Lose him or suffer the consequences.JMO ! I agree...Den was totally honest and upfront. I cant stand hidden agendas...if anything this guy was dishonest, and then feels sorry for himself?? Pleeeease!! 
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Tell him to get off his piss-poor pot and lead his pitty parade out the door!
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