Topic: * VISIONS * {808}
huniboi's photo
Wed 11/03/10 08:45 AM
11/03/10

VISIONS...

SHADOWS IN THE NIGHT

SEND MANY VISIONS

BLINDED BY A SIGHT

WITH NO DECISONS

BOXED IN WALLS

HAD NO DIVISIONS

MANY TEARS FALL

FULL OF COLD DERISIONS

NO WAY OUT

DICED INCISIONS

VOICELESS SHOUT

LEFT IN THIS VISION.


*written in my high school days


kc0003's photo
Wed 11/03/10 08:36 PM
welcome to our corner of the site...flowerforyou

huniboi's photo
Tue 11/09/10 08:05 PM
* thanks.. so waddya think * :smile:

kc0003's photo
Tue 11/09/10 08:38 PM
it left me with the feeling of isolation,
which is a good thing, because it did inflict
a sensation. that is what it's all about after all.

let's see more...

WallyWest's photo
Tue 11/09/10 11:10 PM
Not sure how to analyze this-- seems to be more filled with confusion, then a stereotypical morose tone.

huniboi's photo
Thu 12/09/10 09:00 AM
thanks for checking it out! ya never realy got input fm frends so i appreciate it!! okay ill put more up ;)

huniboi's photo
Thu 12/09/10 09:13 AM
*LOST CHILD*

FEARS FROM A BOY
NO SENSE OF JOY
TEARS ARE FALLING
FEELINGS ARE CALLING
REACHING ARMS
BODY FILLED OF HARM
BREATH IS QUIET
CAVED INSIDE SILENCE
SURROUNDED BY DIRT
FEELINGS ARE HURT
INNOCENCE FILLED THE AIR
WISHING MOM WAS THERE.

ANY THOUGHTS IS WELCOME ON MY POEMS.. ADVICE MAKES IT BETTER! THANKS

Sharris's photo
Thu 12/09/10 02:28 PM
This begs the feeling of alone and missing cohesive connections. Intense, I like your style here.

Sharris's photo
Thu 12/09/10 02:31 PM

*LOST CHILD*

FEARS FROM A BOY
NO SENSE OF JOY
TEARS ARE FALLING
FEELINGS ARE CALLING
REACHING ARMS
BODY FILLED OF HARM
BREATH IS QUIET
CAVED INSIDE SILENCE
SURROUNDED BY DIRT
FEELINGS ARE HURT
INNOCENCE FILLED THE AIR
WISHING MOM WAS THERE.

ANY THOUGHTS IS WELCOME ON MY POEMS.. ADVICE MAKES IT BETTER! THANKS

When a child knows of being unprotected, vulnerable is the feeling here. You have chosen well, your words. Perhaps you might try not capitalizing all the words.

Sharris's photo
Thu 12/09/10 02:32 PM
May I say, welcome.

kc0003's photo
Thu 12/09/10 06:38 PM
i think sharris said it best...vulnerable...

short but with power, nicely done.