I guess at this point I would simply say he just wasn't that into you, and something trivial made his escape easy. If someone "doesn't have time for us" it says to me they don't really want there to be an us

you mean you didn't mean to call her a whore?

They probably looked cranky because this habit is hot as hell and binding around the neck ...

I haven't called anyone a whore.

yes you have...why do you think this has taken this kind of turn?

that must be it

You are right ... slutty with low standards does not mean whore.

so i guess your apology was simply meant to pacify

Wow, this thread went south in a hurry, didn't it? I've went over this about four times now and I honestly do not see how David was judging the OP.

I see that he was asking questions that would get her to think about the chain of events that led up to the relationship troubles she was having. It is all about the choices we make. Correct?

I mean, if I choose to sleep with every man that crosses my path...well, the odds of my catching some sort of an std will greatly increase, right? And, if I live with a man before getting married...the odds of the relationship getting into trouble and we go our separate ways increases too, doesn't it? (Seriously, if a person is married they are more likely to attempt to work things out than if they are just living together, at least that's what I've read anyways).

Another little thing I noticed about this thread is that things went from David making a comment about the OP 'allowing pre-marital sex' (I'm paraphrasing, forgive me please) to people thinking he called her some sort of slanderous name (ie harlot, whore, etc). Well, for goodness sakes people!

Please, put it into perspective here. The OP was asking for help in the opening statement. We can't help the gentleman she is with (ie educating him, etc.) but, we can at least attempt to help the OP ... providing the thread doesn't degenerate into some big, ugly argument (sigh).

I think the paraphrasing helped in lessening what Dodo actually said.. I read it over an over as well and when he re-read it he realized how it sounded... I doubt very seriously that so many of us just "misunderstood" the use of "opening your legs and living with a guy" as good advice..

Wow, Ms. IndnPrncs, I certainly didn't mean for any one person to take what I said personally. So, please accept my apologies if I have managed to offend you or anyone else.

My entire point was that we can't help the OP unless we do our best to keep our emotions out of it when we offer advice. That is all.

From reading the posts, it's obvious that David took a verbal beating for the words he used. He apologized for it and people are still continuing to talk about David instead of offering the OP any useful information. Of course, now that I'm thinking about the OP again (looks around) I haven't seen her in what? Three pages? (lol) Perhaps this thread has served it's purpose and is finished.

I was not offended by why you said.. I was however, quite surprised that you totally missed what was actually said by David... People jumped at the defense of a woman that didn't deserve to be addressed the way she was.. Perhaps her not being here in pages is b/c she may be completely offended by what was said..

David did apologize and that's great but perhaps some are still upset at what was said and do not feel that was enough.. I am good with a "oops" in most cases and cannot speak for anyone else but saying that nothing wrong was said and that everyone else is jumping the gun is completely negating what was actually said and is why I addressed it...

Final thoughts before I retire for the night:

For several millennia thoughout the myriad of human cultures, a sexual relationship has been seen as being the zenith of a permanent bond between a man and a woman. A woman could feel free to have sexual intimacy with her man because she knew that the man had made a permanent commitment to her.

Now, plenty of people no longer see sex and a permanent commitment as being things that should go hand in hand. Sometimes when a man establishes a sexual relationship with a woman, he no longer feels as if he needs to make a personal investment into improving his relationship with the woman, because he has already obtained what he wanted, and he can leave any time that he wants.

I believe that such a situation is what Divine faced. After she gave her boyfriend the sexual relationship that he wanted, he had no incentive to improve his relationship with Divine. She took care of him, but he felt no need to reciprocate.

In one of my earlier posts, I stressed the value of refraining from sex until after marriage because it is a way to prevent the disaster that Divine experienced. In my own life I had to learn this lesson the hard way. As I stated before, I once was in the same situation that Divine was in.

Is Divine somehow immoral because she had sex outside of marriage? No. She is no less moral than I am. When it comes to morality, Divine and I are equals.

My hope is that Divine will learn the same lesson that I learned after I was hurt in my own bad relationship.

Sexual activity did not cause Divine to have a bad relationship with her ex-boyfriend, but the sexual activity made it difficult for Divine to leave the relationship. It would have been much easier for Divine to leave the relationship if it had not progressed as far as it did.


[P.S. A word of thanks to IndnPrncs for the gentle critique of my previous posts.]

Wasn’t judging? Maybe I read the wrong thread here. Did he not say that the root of her problem was the fact that she moved in with him and spread her legs for him, before marriage? How can this statement be construed as helpful advice? Since when has marriage been the fix all for people’s relationship problems?

And with the extremely high rate of failure, what makes marriage the mark for a successful relationship? The fact is that many people have long lasting relationships with and without having the nuptials. Just as it is true, that they fail regardless if the two people are holders of a license or not.

As for his apology…well it would have meant something if he actually understood what the problem here was. Simply saying it doesn’t mean one really gets it, does it?

I was attempting to bring the thread back around to a place where it would help the OP. I certainly didn't mean for it to appear as if I was negating what happened. We all have chosen to word our statements in a poor manner from time to time. It happens. I know I'm guilty of it.

And, if the person reading that statement is in a foul mood they will often assume the author was writing from an accusatory place. It's the biggest flaw that I've seen within the written word.

I understand..or, at least I'm trying to understand what people were doing. But, how can yelling at David be of any help with the OP's relationship issue?

Well 1) I am not in a foul mood.. I read what was in black and white.. I'm sure you read KC's response to your post which was similar to mine and we are certainly two different people...

2) No one was yelling at David, those of us that took issue with it merely pointed out what he said and how and why we took issue with it.. The funny thing about threads and online is "just as you can say something wrong, insensitive and irresponsible, people can also call you out on it.. Which is what we did.. We took issue with it and if it got off topic it was b/c of what was said it was only in defense of the OP.. I'm assuming that in reading my comment you also read David's which twice he's stated he said what he said incorrectly and it sounded bad and he even thanked me for nicely critiquing him...

If you wanted to bring it back on topic you only needed to respond to the OP's post NOT what we were discussing which mind you was "defending" the OP!

There have been a lot of posts here, so perhaps you missed what Dodo actually said.



That may have been the part that people had issue with the most. I'm not quite sure how you could say that he wasn't judging her or anyone else who has sex outside of marriage. Maybe you're ok with someone talking to you like that, though.

because they know you won't leave.....but perhaps the question should be...why do you stay with someone that hurts you?

please don't say because you love him

don't forget this little gem...





or this none judgmental statement...



how does he measure what is long enough? she says she was with him for three years, is that not long enough for one to at least think they know someone?

and of course this...



now tell me he wasn't being judgemental or projecting his own "high" moral standing...
why else would he assume that their relationship was built solely on sex?...and not just sex, but sex without the piece of paper that makes it more virtuous.

Yet you judged her that way. Or are you saying that you just assumed that other men would see her that way?