Alright, so I'm married but our relationship seems to be love/hate. When its good its great, but when its bad it leaves me confused as hell. Recently, I moved out and we don't really see each other much. Everytime I tell her that we should end this, she tells me that she loves me and she will work on her trust issues. She is goin to school so that is her excuse for not having time for me right now and I understand that, but lately she doesn't seem to want to spend time with me even when she doesn't have school. She seems content to just talk to me on the phone and if that's the case, then I think that we should just end this and just be friends. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Okay, so you are married. And, you have moved out. This implies that you are distancing yourself from the relationship. You are the one telling her, "We should end this." Again, this implies you are attempting to distance yourself from the relationship.

You state that your wife has 'trust issues'...and how do you think your behavior is helping her heal from those issues? Do you think demanding more time with her is helping? Do you think bouncing back and forth between the "let's end this" routine and the "spend more time with me" routine is making her feel as if she can fully trust you?

Try to walk in her shoes for just a moment. Pretend to understand what it's like to have trust issues and then hear your partner tell you the things you have listed here. That can't possibly be helping the situation, Darlin'.

Pick a side. Then work towards your goal. If you are frustrated and confused about it...spend a few days alone. Relax. There is no "time frame" on your decision, is there? Don't take another step towards her or away from her until you are at peace with the decision you make.

Dead on!

Seems to me that you are leaning more towards ending things with her. Which, if that is what you truly want, then you should not allow her to talk you into staying. Going by your email, you don't sound happy at all with how things are with the relationship. Now, if you have tried to work on things, have asked her to try, and nothing seems to be working, then do what you feel is right.

However, if you do love her, and you want to make this work, then do the work it will require to do that. I say this because I don't want you to think that I feel that you should just leave because things aren't honky dorey. Relationships take a ton of work...especially when things are not so good. But if you are truly done with the relationship, and you know you are, then I would say that you need to just accept this and tell her. She needs to understand this.

I moved out but it wasn't my idea. She seems to go back and forth on whether she wants me around or not. As a far as her trust issues, I have shown her for the last 3 yrs. that I don't want anyone else and I love her very much. All I do is go to work and come home. Her attitude and demeanor towards me seems to switch from loving and affectionate to emotionless from one week to the next. I have always told her how much she means to me and that I want to spend the rest of my life with her and she will tell me the same thing but her actions don't show it. That is what confuses me.

Goofball73, that is my problem. I want things to work so badly because I love her with all my heart. That is why I keep stickin around. We have been through so much together, but I just don't know if I can take it anymore. I don't really want to go into our past because it would take a day or more to cover everything, but let's just say it has definitely been love/hate.

I can sit here and spew out a list of potential reasons for why your wife is behaving in the manner you describe. What will that do to help you? Well, probably not a dang thing.

Nobody can tell you when the relationship is over but you. You have to decide if you even want to put any more effort into it.

Break it down and figure out what it is that you Need in the relationship. And, give her time to come up with her own list of Needs too. Then sit down with her and explain what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable. Whatever you do, do not use anger as a tool to mend the relationship.

It seems to me .. please, forgive me if this appears harsh, it's not intended that way. It seems to me that you are attempting to force your wife to behave in a certain manner. Well, you can keep trying to do that but it hasn't worked for you yet, has it?

Ditch the, "Why won't you behave the way I want you to?" attitude. Let her be herself. Perhaps you could think about preparing yourself for the worst case scenario..and the best case scenario. That way, no matter what happens...it will fall right between those two and you will be pleasantly surprised.

In Speech class we were taught, "You can not not communicate." It means that you do communicate. You have the oral speaking and you have the body language speaking. When the two are in harmony you don't send mixed signals. For instance, when you are given the cold shoulder body language but they tell you that they love you that is unharmonious. When the mind and the body are in sync you can give and receive clear transmission of your message. But you have to look for the same in them with who you are communicating with. Does their body language sync with their oral speaking? Speech class is all about communication.

Sounds like you two are enjoying the drama and games.

Good call. I think that is why trial separations can sometimes work for the better. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If it doesn't grow fonder then a real separation might be just the thing to restore harmony.

I personally don't believe in seperations, legal or not. I think it's an excuse to screw around, see if one can handle the world, and if not, they can run back to the spouse. If they bring in an STD or get pregnant, or someone pregnant, oh well, it was all okay.

Just get the divorce.

Well, there is always the shortcut, too.

Gee, you really don't care for drama at all. I have heard that TNT does drama well. Makes sense. TNT is explosive.

In Speech class we were taught, "You can not not communicate." It means that you do communicate. You have the oral speaking and you have the body language speaking. When the two are in harmony you don't send mixed signals. For instance, when you are given the cold shoulder body language but they tell you that they love you that is unharmonious. When the mind and the body are in sync you can give and receive clear transmission of your message. But you have to look for the same in them with who you are communicating with. Does their body language sync with their oral speaking? Speech class is all about communication.


That is exactly what is happening, but it changes for short periods of time. Whenever we separate, she makes an effort to get me back and tells me how much she loves me, but once I'm back things go back to the way they were after a few days. As far as the drama and games, I don't enjoy it at all, I just love her too much to let go, but I want to know how she really feels.

She just needs her fix then she is okay for a while. Hmm, sounds like an addiction. You are wanting commitment in a marriage. What a novel idea.