'What A Bunch Of Losers,' Researchers Say
September 9, 2010 | ISSUE 46•36
MANAUS, BRAZIL— Archaeologists working in a remote section of the Amazon Rainforest announced Tuesday that they have discovered the ancient remnants of what they claimed may be the lousiest civilization in human history.

According to Dr. Ronald Farber, a professor from the University of Minnesota who is leading the excavation, the "half-assed" culture existed from about 450 B.C. until 220 B.C., when it abruptly disappeared—an event he said was "honestly no big loss" for our understanding of human culture.

"From what we've unearthed so far, it appears this pre-Columbian civilization was pretty much just copying what other, more superior groups nearby were doing—albeit to a much shittier degree," Farber said. "They sucked. You should see the useless mess of a calendar these dumbasses came up with."

"Uh, hello?" he added. "Did these nimrods even try observing and recording the positions of the constellations in the sky right above their freaking heads?"

http://www.theonion.com/articles/archaeologists-unearth-lousiest-civilization-ever,18049/

Are you sure he wasn't just talking about the French?

Not sure. I just read it.

"I think we're probably just going to cover all of this back up," Reagan added