HAHA to funny O but thanks! We are all so different with differnt
thoughts on so many different things, I dont always agree with people
and most of the time I dont, But I have learned to accept that I am not
always right and it is OK for others to think differently then I do. I
have actually been more open to listen to others thoughts and have
learned a few things. Again life is to short! I wasted many years in a
bad marriage but I am thankful for that as I now have learned to love
life for what it is and what I am able to make of it for myself.

Sure no problem.lol Thanks for the suggestion. Sorry but I couldn't stop
laughing. All of this was really funny. Like I said, sometimes you have
to put a smile or somthing for some people to understand what you are
typing. So in all of this. I did get something out of it. Take it easy.
:)

you to shadow

Sorry, the message that I left before this one was for Onterio.

It's all good man. :)

maybe i should just go find a country girl they seem good lol

Hey David there is nothing wrong with a good ole country gal. Here is my
advice. Make a list of what you want and one list of what you need in a
relationship. Then set them aside and just live look at them once a week
or so and you will be amazed she will walk into your life within the
next year. If you had several bad relationships its because you were
dating to date not because you were dating someone you had more then a
surface common interest with (more then likely). There is an upside to
that.. you now know what you dont want and that is what your 20's are
for. Someone had the idea of casual group hanging out thing and thats a
great idea use it as much as you can. You are cute and sensitive and
someone is gonna snap you up when you least expect it.
Karen

David, there are no quick fixes for a bruised ego and loss of self
confidence. We all experience it. It's a part of life and it's a
learning process. The only way I have found to get it back is by
spending time alone and taking a deep look at myself to find those
qualities about myself that I most admire. I concentrate on those things
and try harder to bring those things out. I spend time doing what I
like to do and what makes me feel good about myself. That's what self
confidence is really, just feeling good about yourself and who and how
you are. When you do that first, the rest seems to follow. I look at
myself as being sort of a "well" you can only go to the "well" so many
times before it runs dry. You have to continue to invest in it and
contribute to the "well" before you can really share what's in it with
someone else.

J

don't look at yourself as being a victim. alot of people have bad
relationships, you just have to get over it and move on. i have pretty
bad luck myself but if you start hiding from the possibility of getting
hurt you'll never find the one that is right for you because you aren't
going to let them in. i get tired of staying with a girl who is
insecure and who'll never trust me no matter how well i treat them, i
deserve better.

David:

Yes, there is something you can do. Stay true to yourself and be true
with yourself. You can only be a victim if you allow yourself to be.

"Bad" relationships are rarely that. Generally, the relationship ends
badly and that is what you focus on. The whole relationship wasn't
bad...there were good things and good times. It's human nature to focus
on the negative, especially when that's what happened most recently.
You have to remember what was good too, that's how you keep afloat.

I don't think that what you feel is truly "fear of girls". It's
probably more fear of being hurt again, and that's instinct. In time
the fear will fade into caution. You may be a bit more leary of females
and you'll probably want a girl to prove herself to you. That's an okay
thing because taking someone at face value can be a very risky thing.

I also think that you have to look at what role you played in the
situation. No matter what caused the end of the relationship and who
was at fault for that, if things had already started rolling downhill
and you chose to stay in it...you have to admit to yourself that part of
the hurt you feel is your responsibility because you decided not to end
it.

Sometimes matters of the heart are easier to figure out if you look at
it a little differently.

You didn't ride a bike the first time you tried to...you fell down and
it hurt, but you tried again. The second time you tried you fell down
and it hurt, and the third time and so on. Eventually though you
stopped falling down and your skinned knees healed...and it became fun.

Your first major car accident is a scary thing. Your car is totaled,
you're hurt and it terrified the hell out of you. Do you never drive
again? No, you may stop for a while...but you'll get behind the wheel
again. And the first time you do there's a sick nervousness in your
stomach and a thought in the back of your mind that the same thing might
happen. You're super cautious on the road. You drive slower, watching
feverishly for everyone else on the road. You leave extra space around
you...just in case. In time this "ultra-caution" fades, but you never
forget the accident and (for most) your driving habits change.

Life is rough and none of us get a crystal ball. You asked how to avoid
the "types" of girls who have hurt you. I'll tell you something I was
told myself (and I quote) "Maybe you need to make the decision that you
should surround yourself with a different class of people." It makes
sense really...change the pond and you'll catch different fish. Be
thankful for what you're feeling...and the wounds it has created. The
wounds will heal, but there will always be scars. Be thankful for the
scars too, they're given to us to remind us of the past. Take a look at
the scars from time to time and you'll remember what not to do.

ONTARIO:
You must be the reason that people say "Ignorance is bliss" because
yours is blatant.

So he's a "whiny punk" because he wants to avoid people that hurt him?
So I suppose a big "man" like you enjoys pain...must increase your
"manhood". Guess your next date should bring a baseball bat and give ya
a few skull checks...it's a sure way to make sure you'll continue to see
her. I can see you picking a fight with someone just to make yourself
feel better. Lame.

I'm a bit confused as to how someone else can take "your manhood" away
from you. Do you know what that word means? Let me help you out a
little bit:

According to Webster's Dictionary...
man·hood (măn'hʊd) noun

1. The state or time of being an adult male human. 2. The composite of
qualities often thought to be appropriate to a man. 3. Adult males
considered as a group; men. 4. The state of being human.

As far as I know, I can't take any of the above away from a man. Look
at definition number 4. Seems to me his manhood is still intact and
functioning.

And finally...let me clue you in on something. While it is possible to
"sweet talk some chick into the sack" it doesn't take much talent or
intelligence. Would you like to know who it works on? It works on
girls that would've slept with you no matter what you say...girls that
also would've slept with any other man that talked to them. Any guy can
bed a slut...and thankfully any guy can also get a prescription for
strong antibiotics.

Shadow:

I'm always happy to see a MAN'S sensitive side. It's comforting to know
that there are still men out there that see women in the way they
deserve...beyond just a piece of ass or something to be conquered
(although that isn't always a bad thing...being conquered LOL). I'd
like to thank you for being "man" enough to speak the truth. Men like
you are few and far between...a lot of us girls wait for a long time for
someome like you to cross our path.

Being someone who has been so very hurt and wounded, I can say that your
"sesitivity" makes it easier to look at the scars left by others. Kinda
makes it easier to talk about them too and share a little bit of myself.
I know how David hurts and I've been in his shoes. I understand his
fear and I know how hard it is to overcome it. Thank God for people
like you that are still willing to extend their hand and try to make it
a little bit easier.

Okay, that's enough of that...gotta stop when I start getting choked
up...

Peachie,
Thanks for support those of us who have been "bitch slapped" and left
out to dry. I don't think David's case is any different than mie or any
of the others I have seen on here. It's just we were raised to treat
women a certain way, and in the end it costs us. When we try to change,
something in our "programming", for lack of a better term, won't let us
change. SO we keep hoping and searching for the one woman out there who
will care for us at face value. We all react in different ways. For me
it's getting down on my self about my looks, and doing crazy exciting
things, like running into burning buildings. and jumping out of
perfectly good airplanes. It's all about how we handle things.

David,
I am still looking. I haven't found her either, but I am remaining
hopeful and patient. Keep your chin up.