I really don't like to make waves because I have always have tried to be a people pleaser. By the way they told me in treatment that people pleasing can actually be dishonest at times. Lately at work they have been messing with my schedule to make better on others. I am the strong silent type so to stick up for myself was a real dilemma because it meant I have to say something in my own defense. Some of my good friends had told me that if I didn't that nothing would be done. The perfect opportunity arose when the nurse who makes the schedule heard me bitching about my schedule. She asked me point blank if I was angry about the schedule. Being the person I am I usually have to think it over. So I said I wasn't really angry but would have preferred to have been asked. Evidently, it made a difference because they have given my old days off back.

Don't ever be afraid to raise hell with people who are taking advantage of your go with the flow style. If you don't let them know that in some cases you DO MIND then they will walk all over you.

Yeah. A friend was pointing that out to me.

I agree with Bored. I've found this very thing out the hard way & I'm still learning to say 'no' or that I do mind. I'm finding this kind of difficult since I'm a people please too & like to keep the peace whether it be friends, family or whatever the situation. This is no good for us 'people pleasers.' The anger or dissapointed we have just keeps building up in us which is absolutely no good. You keep working at it, Rainbow & so will I. Good luck!!

If you have energy to complain about something, you can take that same energy and talk with the source of the complaint.

I once had a breakdown because I was unable to tell anybody "NO". After going thru that, I learned to say "NO" and not let people use me...

I have finally just learned to put my needs above someone else's (depending on the situation). It is very hard because I have alot of family and they all want to see me happy and sometimes they don't agree with me.

It is very hard but when it comes to work sometimes it doesn't hurt to speak up. As much as you don't want too you can't be walked all over either.

Good for you!

Society 'socializes' us from our earliest days to get us to 'play nice' with others ... it took me years to UNLEARN that behavioral conditioning. I no longer give a rat's asss about whether I 'play nice' or 'hurt someone's feewings' if I tell them 'NO'. Matter of fact, 'NO' is my new learned default setting. Saying 'YES' as conditioning tried to train me to respond got me in trouble more often than not, so now I make anyone who wants me to do anything justify their request by telling them 'NO' as my default answer. You'd be amazed how much easier life is when you don't try to 'please' everyone (a euphemism for allowing yourself to be used) and instead try to please yourself. I like my new default setting ... the world and its demands can go screw off ... I will not worry about it.

i say just be yourself... you might have to look at the source of the anger, just so you don't snap at the wrong person... but yes or no, people will respect you if your pleasant about it.

The idea of trying to please others is nice, but you can't please everyone. If you try, you're just not being yourself.

To steal a line from a Ricky Nelson tune ('Garden Party') ...

" ... Y' know you can't please everyone / So you better please yourself" ... "

Words to live by ...

I usually over complicate things. For example, if I'm unhappy with things at work, instead of talking to the boss, I will find a different job. Things aren't going good at home, I pack up and find a new home.

I am a woman with a big mouth and a loud voice

if I have to defend myself, voice my opinion, or feel passionate on a subject

I don't shut up

I personally can't comprehend the type that is meek and doesn't speak up for fear of rocking the boat or the feel the need to be accepted

they only get all stressed out or suffer heLth problems keeping everything bottled up

" SiHOUT IT TO THE ROOFTOP"

Patience & tact only go so far-then you have to lower the boom.

Wow sorry bout all those spelling errors. Lol

Wow. I can see that we have that in common. "No" is a difficult word; Unless I am really pissed. The counselors at the treatment center and it took five of them to finally break me down coming at me from five different directions at once could see I had some deep rooted problems with anger. I had inherited my father's rage and my mother's timidness. I was one of the nicest and sweetest postal psycho you would ever want to meet. Thanks to the nursing home I have had been forced to vent. One nurse had to take baby steps with me. At first it was the cussing, yelling and rage when I communicated with her. And later she even admitted to me that I terrified her. Of course, the only person I would hurt was me. She first got me to communicate without yelling because that scared her. Then she got me to communicate without cussing because that offended her. Then she would take me by herself alone to try to deal with the rage. She kept saying calm down. And that helped my stuttering. She found out that I was defensive and she said that was okay. It was nice not to cry when when I got mad because that embarrassed me. Eventually, we could even have a normal conversation. It was like, wow, so this is how it feels to feel normal.

I hear that. All I was doing was bitching to people who could not do anything about it mostly until I actually accidentally bitched to the right person.

I have had a lot of breakdowns.

Thank you. As you can see it was a big deal for me.

Yeah. I usually had plays well with others because I stuffed all my anger.