But is "close enough" not the same thing as settling?

I apply the term 'soulmate' to my wife who passed away. I don't think there will be another quite like her who I was happy with.

It's so nice to see this from a guy! The romantic inside of me still feels this way also...just very difficult to keep that person alive these days! *sigh*

Is Soul Mate anything like Soul Man with C Thomas Howell?

Ummmmm I don't think so?

I guess it's appropriate to share this here, since the topic is what this letter to a friend, who asked about soul mates, was all about.

You start with a person who knows himself; idiosyncrasies, strengths, weaknesses. You start with a human being who accepts himself; who does not put himself above others. You start with a breathing organism who is aware, with the sense to express that awareness; how he fears, when he is spiritually and emotionally strongest. You start with one life that identifies with other lives, and deems all precious.

When you find such a ‘life’, such a person, only then might you find the love you’ve never had before, the love you’ve always been waiting for.

It is not so hard to find such a person, such a soulmate. These people come to you, once you find yourself. In a world of darkness, light attracts light. Needless to say, such a meeting is only possible if the darkness does not overwhelm you first.

Logical, eh? One wishes it was all so simple, so cut-and-dried as words you will into being with the litheness of your thought.

Do you recall the oft-sung phrase, “…strange how, when love finds you, you start running too” ? It is the human way to run from any kind of perceived threat, the instinctive response a primal and atavistic thing. To permit yourself to love, is to go into a specific madness; to forget yourself, to choose to over-ride that primary drive for self-preservation, to willingly leap down into an abyss. If you find that you do not have this will to submit, then you will search; even wait longer.

This is not submission to another. It is to submit your selfhood to the duality that love demands. And truly, to know the measure of that submission, and to accept it as something you are unconditionally happy to do, is to know that you can ‘love’. Only then can a worthwhile ‘bonding’ be possible.

Did I find such a love? That, my friend, is another story, and it does not belong in this particular post.

I do believe that one is, in truth, awfully alone. When you know that, then all your relationships — even the most ephemeral — become most precious. To choose your relationships well; that, then, must be your objective. Do not lightly impose your life, your state-of-mind, on another. One’s imposition can very well be a gift. It can also be the cause of another’s unhappiness.

As candles in the wind are to lives, so do ‘falling stars’ are to relationships. We are there, we are gone. If you find yourself in an untenable ‘bonding’, and if you choose to leave, always try to leave with grace; even with dignity. Your failures in this are the lessons you must ever remember; if not for the sake of those you say goodbye to, then for yourself.

You start with someone who sets out to take on the obligation to know himself first. You start with someone who has learned to forgive himself, besides others; who has learned the value of acceptance, and its very real consequences. You start out with yourself.

Some things, in resonating, take on bigger meanings, and yet make the world a little smaller than it was before.

The hopeless romantic and the dreamer inside of me will not let me stop believing there is a soulmate. Each night I fall asleep, I see him, I see what I want, but then I wake up and he's not there. I have yet to find my soulmate, but I hope I will know when the time comes and I meet him. But then again, I'm too much of a dreamer...

Much as there can be soulmates in a persons life, there could be soul enemies as well.

I have had about 2 soul mates outside of my immediate family. At the latest count, I had about 10-15 soul enemies. The soulmates were 1 man, 1 woman. The soul enemies were 2 men, 10-12 women. (The "soul something" is not absolute, it comes in ranges. So there is a gray area where people can be soul mates, or soul enemies, but maybe not. Hence the inexact amount of soul enemies.)

There is also "soul neutrals." Their number hovers at around 6 billion. A little more women than men.

The six billion soul neutrals will contain quite a number of potential soul mates and soul enemies. The RC pope, for instance, I consider soul enemy, but it's quite possible that given we meet in a social setting, we'd hit it off quite nicely.

I enjoyed a 26-year-long friendship with my soul mate male, who then went insane, became suicidal and now is a zombied-down walking drug inspensary. The soul mate, female, I enjoyed a 27 year long relationship with, then she got three strokes in a row, and now she lives in an old folks home, screws all the guys there (she's quite attractive at 80) and the old folks' home is now a very happy home for all who live there (except for the other women).

I think the whole 1 Soul Mate out there thing is kind of depressing. I mean if that's not searching for a needle in a haystack nothing is. I prefer to think there are many women out there I could have a successful relationship with if we met under the right circumstances and shared the same idea of what a relationship should be and an honest emotional drive to make eachother happy.