Quickie #1
>>
>>One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in
>>a very
>>sexy nightie.
>>
>>"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
>>
>>So he tied her up and went fishing.
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #2
>>
>> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>>into the
>>house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
>>"Honey,
>>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
>>
>> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>>mountain
>>stuff?"
>>
>> "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>>
>>
>>
>> Quickie # 3
>>
>> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
>>and the
>>other is a husband.
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #4
>>
>> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
>>license. First,
>>of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed
>>him a card
>>with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?"
>>the
>>optician asked.
>>
>>"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #5
>>
>> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
>>must tell
>>you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
>>
>>"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>>chardonnay."
>>
>>
>>
>>Quickie #6
>>
>> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>>
>>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
>>
>>"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>>You're
>>cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>>need more
>>butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>>going to
>>STICK!
>>
>>
>>
>>Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>>you're
>>cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>>your
>>mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to
>>salt them.
>>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
>>
>>
>>
>>The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>>think I
>>don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
>>
>>The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels
>>like when
>>I'm driving."
>>
>>
>>
>> Quickie #7
>>
>> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man,
>>was
>>drafted by the Army.
>>
>>On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
>>
>>That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
>>
>>On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That
>>afternoon the
>>Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
>>
>>On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has
>>been
>>looking for Herman for 51 years
>>
>>

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At
>the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when
>they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint
>moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She
>lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held,
>and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
>As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch
>that wall!"
>

WhipperSnapper,