i waas married for 17 years and am now seperated for reasons to long to explain, but we still live in the same house for convinace for her to help me with my kids. she want s me to go to her 20 year reunion and i dont know what to do

Well your only separated depends on what kind of a relationship you still have .Go as friends and introduce yourselves that way .

even though you live in the same house
you dont have to do everything she ask.
do what you feel you want to.. not because of her.

I guess it depends on the type of relationship yall still have? If there is tension or either of you is seeing someone else, then I would say it wouldn't be wise to go with her. Also, is she wanting to appear that everything is fine and dandy and yall are still together? Or does she just want you to go so she doesn't have to go alone? Either way it seems kinda awkward considering the circumstances? But if yall are still good friends then who knows?

well that is the problem we where highschool sweethearts and everyone knows we r married but i dont want to put our business out

i feel like she is trying to pertray that everything is ok. she has always been cocerned with what other people think of her

If thats the only reason then do'nt go.No use in pretending .

The TRUTH always comes out.

I'd go to the reunion & let things happen as they may.

Why are they "your kids", isn't she their mother.

Sounds like we are being to asked to make a decision with very few facts.

Why are you both afraid of the truth?

well ill tell you what.. yrs ago i had the same situation.. i had 3 kids one was his... we did this for about a yr... i did not want to go do anything with him and nor did he with me... we shared the bed.. just not at the same time... he worked out of town during the week.. on the weekends he came home and i left as much as possible.. most all of the time.. if not i slept on the couch.. i took care of the kids all week and he did on the weekends. to me even though that was my situation to me a separation is when you part from each other.. sure i did not date during that yr. then i filed for divorce. we both paid for the house payments... and since he was out of town there was no reason really to let the house go at that time..

If you don't want to go to the reunion then don't. Even if you weren't seperated. If you are not going to feel comfortable. I know I wouldn't............

to me and i know not to many.... my thoughts are a separation... is just that. its time to figure out how to be individual again and work in all the quirks for both your futures.. figure out what is best..

to me going to a reunion with her is not doing this.. it is leaving the option open... giving her hopes that it may work out.. its not letting go .

now if neither are ready to let go why is there even a separation?
would that not be still a couple and working on issues? a separation is not needed for that..

You could do what this feller did:

My wife begged me and begged me to go to Hawaii.
So on our 10th anniversary, I took her.
On our 20th, I went back and got her..

So, take her to the reunion and leave her there.
Get that "tongueartist" a shot at some new
mouth canvas.

well the seperation is by the state if we have kids under 18 divorce is not final for a year r u seperate for a year and then file

No offense bro but it doesn't sound like you have alot of seperation....

ours was a verbal separation... not legal however it was a separation decided by both parties and a separation that came from the hearts.. a true separation... the divorce we let go for the full amount of time as well for 2 yrs... the factor for this was.. insurance reasons for all 3 of the kids... since i had none.. and it covered me too the mother of his child...that gave me 2 yrs to find a job with insurance benefits since i only just went back to work during the separation to a part time job with no insurance.< i was made to be a stay at home mom during the marriage>. he did not have to pay anything for our insurance anyway.. he was a good loving father to my other two kids... as well as his own child..whilst in those 2 yrs i made all the house payments and he gained the equity off of it.. and did nothing to the home... i pretty much got reamed in the divorce lol i dont care im glad it was over

Hummm your separated but still living in the same house you say it is to help you with the kids.......I'm confused for do the kids not belong to both........Then yet she helps you but you refuse to return any favors for her.........

I'm sorry but seems to be it would not hurt to go for one night to the reunion. I mean ya still live in the same house and went to the same school. Sure if your friends with any of the ones from school still they know what the situation is. And if not it is none of there business. I really don't see what the big issue is she seems to still be helping you out but then your not willing to do the same.....

If you might know some people there, besides the ex, which might make your time enjoyable, go for it. If you think you'll be uncomfortable babysit.

Separation/divorce happens to the best of us, some of us more than once, and i'd be willing to bet many of her former classmates have experienced it as well. Why not go, but be honest about your situation.....if it comes up...folks, seeing you together, may assume all is well with you and not question it.

It sounds like drama.

Living together for convenience has to be challenging enough (and not recommended). If you start blending your lives again you are only asking for trouble.

Why invite that into your already complicated life? I can’t imagine anyone wanting to date either of you under the circumstances. If you engage in pseudo dating with your live-in EX then you might doom yourself even more.

I gently suggest you guys stop living together. You can effectively co-parent without living together - financial support is not a good reason either; get a roommate. Keeping the current arrangement will not allow either of you to move on in life.