1 2 4 Next
Topic: need some advise
no photo
Sun 06/20/10 01:45 AM





Honestly, considering that you seem to have the right ideas ( but not the best luck ) it wouldn't appear that you actually need a " role model " Drew.

It would seem that past experiences have left a " bad taste " and that kind of thing can take a while to get past.

It took me a LONG time.

But now, I am happier than I have ever been.
actually, i know what many of my personal hang-ups are. change however, is very difficult. especially, behavioral and perceptional.


. . .


Well..I can definitely relate.

It took me 4+ years to change the perceptions. Behaviors...some I am still working on and will be for a long time to come.

The woman you see in my picture changed my perceptions in a big way.

I was ( and just about anyone that knew me when I started here ) pretty bitter about the things that happened to me.

Up until about 8 months ago...I would have been the LAST person to think there was someone out there for me that wouldn't do all the same crap.
I leave in two weeks to be with THAT SAME disbelief,
that you said here,,,wink, and really,,about the same times involved,,,lol,life is filled with what we thought,could never be...

no photo
Sun 06/20/10 07:57 AM




Then you are miles ahead of where I was.

But...how much of it is actually YOU....and how much is expectations of behavior??

Just curious.

it's all me. the majority of my self worth is tied up in my appearance, which is nowhere near where i'd like it to be. no matter how many people tell me that i'm not as bad as i think i am, it really is only my opinion that counts in that circumstance.
because of that, i don't approach any women because i have preconceived notions on what their responses would be. so, i guess there is a little behavioral expectation, but it's not that i want them to react a certain way and they won't, it's that i expect them to react a certain way and it's likely they will.


. . .


Well, if you're trying to meet women, then it's not only your opinion that counts. I'm not a skinny girl, as you can see from my pictures. That doesn't stop me from meeting men. While I know there are some men out there who will only date someone skinny, there are many others who aren't bothered by it. Women are the same way. Once you figure that out, you'll be much better off.

74Drew's photo
Sun 06/20/10 08:52 AM





Then you are miles ahead of where I was.

But...how much of it is actually YOU....and how much is expectations of behavior??

Just curious.

it's all me. the majority of my self worth is tied up in my appearance, which is nowhere near where i'd like it to be. no matter how many people tell me that i'm not as bad as i think i am, it really is only my opinion that counts in that circumstance.
because of that, i don't approach any women because i have preconceived notions on what their responses would be. so, i guess there is a little behavioral expectation, but it's not that i want them to react a certain way and they won't, it's that i expect them to react a certain way and it's likely they will.


. . .


Well, if you're trying to meet women, then it's not only your opinion that counts. I'm not a skinny girl, as you can see from my pictures. That doesn't stop me from meeting men. While I know there are some men out there who will only date someone skinny, there are many others who aren't bothered by it. Women are the same way. Once you figure that out, you'll be much better off.


people keep telling me this but it doesn't sink in. it's not that i dismiss it entirely, it just doesn't get through to the part of the brain that controls behavior.


. . .

no photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:11 AM
Perhaps because you've said you're one of those men who will only date skinny women, so you assume women are the same?

74Drew's photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:15 AM

Perhaps because you've said you're one of those men who will only date skinny women, so you assume women are the same?

could be. i know what it is that i'm not attracted to, and think most would feel the same way.


. . .

no photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:17 AM
It's your preference and that's fine. But, either you need to listen to other women when they tell you that not all women only date skinny men, or continue assuming they won't date someone like you. That's up to you. But like I said, when you figure out women have different preferences when it comes to men, you'll be better off.

74Drew's photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:22 AM

It's your preference and that's fine. But, either you need to listen to other women when they tell you that not all women only date skinny men, or continue assuming they won't date someone like you. That's up to you. But like I said, when you figure out women have different preferences when it comes to men, you'll be better off.

but, it's been my experience that many women don't have different preferences. on the sites that do allow you to state the body types you're looking for, more and more are stating that they're looking for someone athletic or thin.


. . .

no photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:25 AM
So because of the experiences you've had with some women, you're assuming ALL women have the same preference? No matter what any others tell you?

74Drew's photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:30 AM

So because of the experiences you've had with some women, you're assuming ALL women have the same preference? No matter what any others tell you?

not all, but the numbers are growing. and we all know that what we learn from experience teaches us more than what we learn from being told.

it's not like i'm depriving anybody by not approaching them.


. . .

willy_cents's photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:32 AM
Edited by willy_cents on Sun 06/20/10 09:32 AM


So because of the experiences you've had with some women, you're assuming ALL women have the same preference? No matter what any others tell you?

not all, but the numbers are growing. and we all know that what we learn from experience teaches us more than what we learn from being told.

it's not like i'm depriving anybody by not approaching them.


. . .
I disagree with that..there are certainly some ladies out there that you are depriving,pitchfork

no photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:33 AM
Whatever works for you, go for it. If not approaching women and not meeting anyone new makes you happy, great.

74Drew's photo
Sun 06/20/10 09:33 AM



So because of the experiences you've had with some women, you're assuming ALL women have the same preference? No matter what any others tell you?

not all, but the numbers are growing. and we all know that what we learn from experience teaches us more than what we learn from being told.

it's not like i'm depriving anybody by not approaching them.


. . .
I disagree with that..there are certainly some ladies out there that you are depriving,pitchfork

they seem to be doing just fine without me.


. . .

1 2 4 Next