"I do not respond to men older than 45. Don't bother me. Don't waste my time."

Can you imagine writing, without apology, that you would not respond to any "Negro" addressing you on this site. Of course not. Public opinion would excoriate you. Why? Because, that's an anachronistically charged remark and a politically incorrect view to hold for a present-day American female, even though in the 50's that was quite a normal response for white women. They just would not respond to a black man. Now we recognize that such a response, regardless of her personal preferences, is racist.

Yes, there are women on this site who do not want to have relations with black men, but they would not have the temerity to say it, as if they could get away with it without a good scolding and a reminder of the evils of discrimination. Yes, you do not want to have relations with a man older than 45, but you shouldn't say that so blatantly in such an ageist fashion, as if you're just too good to even consider someone who is older than your ageist yardstick allows. For that reason, your profile is as objectionable as if you'd said:

"I do not respond to Negroes. Don't bother me. Don't waste my time."

What's wrong with preference? I've seen profiles where men my age that only date up to 30.

so what, who cares....

Well, LadyLid, if that's the case, as you see it, then I'm sure you wouldn't mind if the men on this site added this remark to their profiles:

"Don't bother writing to me if you're an old broad over 40 and overweight to boot."

It's the same thing, except now it's been turned around from a particular young woman's preference to a particular young man's preference. There's nothing wrong with preferences, as I made clear on my post, but you shouldn't be so callous as to state it so bluntly.

OP I agree, tact goes along way. There are so many ways to say something and yet not offend another.

But if the person needs constant reminders that they do not meet the other parties wants or desires, then bluntness is needed.

she could always restrict her email to a certain age..

I'll agree tact is a quality some lack. Some feel theirs thoughts are pretty darned important no matter who it hurts or offends.

As to this..
"Don't bother writing to me if you're an old broad over 40 and overweight to boot."

It wouldn't bother me...I wouldn't take that personally since I don't consider myself an overweight old broad. Someone may have that perspective of me, it's about them, not me. It would stop me from writing them simply due to the lack of tact and kindness...and their need to judge.

and you are neither overweight nor old - ya got it going on Ladylid

Political correctness should be outlawed.

Personally I never use the term Negro, or ANY N word as for an African American,,I use Brother or sister or black as MY TERM?
Growing that has been my pratice,,but,,regardless THAT...
Everyone on here WILL have their likes and dislikes, I also have read profiles asking solely for a RACE other than their own, and the SAME RACE ONLY on some other profiles.
Many people on here through the ONLY PREFRENCE I had, (which was very Large women) not sexually aroused by them?
I LOST many friends through THAT STATEMENT,,YET,,thats MY TRUTH,,no surgar coatings no mis-leading ways as for THAT FEELING..
My reasoning behind that, has to do with my childhood and a lady who hurt me who was a BIG LADY,,well,,it STUCK,,and THATSD ME.
NOW,,would I want to lie about THAT,,,hell no...
SO,,I am left with,,thats my prefrence and my thoughts on that.
SO,,w/o being able to address THAT in my profile, I WOULD NOT BE TELLING MY TRUTH?
So it would seem to me that EVERYONE no-matter their words, should be HONEST in ALL that they wish to find on here or through here as a friend or more.
As to NOT speak of their LIKES and or WISHES, they would have to explain ALL of THEM to each person who one or more would THEN find that a waiste of their time involved,,and SOME maybe even SUGGESTING that they SHOW,,that prefrence IN THEIR PROFILES,,so as NOT to have others do that...
WE all our different, and in THAT, we all feel our needs to post personal things about us liking or dis-liking in our profiles,,,
This is all just my experiencing this issue on here and through my own profile...

ah, doing alright yourself there Frannie

Would you remind me when I turn 50 in a few months???

Well said, Terry. For the most part, I agree.

I most certainly will

We're not mature enough as a society to survive this.

I have seen many women's profiles stating that they would only date white men, or black men, or Hispanic men, or whatever. Or they would only date someone over 6 feet tall. It's a preference, and everyone has them. Maybe some people's preferences are stronger, more iron-clad, than others. That's up to them.



I think the problem is in your perception of the comment, not necessarily in the intended message.

If someone won't date men over 45, how does that imply she thinks she is "too good" for them? All I get from it is that she has set a limitation for herself. "I'm not interested in anyone over 45" does not have to equate to "I'm too good for anyone over 45."

Look, I get hassled about preferences all the time. I won't date anyone who has kids and I won't date anyone who drinks. And plenty of women have gone out of their way to tell me that I only set up these preferences to exclude them, personally even though I never even knew any of them existed until they wrote to me to complain!

You know what? That's their problem. If they can't distinguish between my own standards and someone deliberately singling them out to belittle them, then they've got bigger problems than I can solve.

In the end, it's just what someone is interested in. If you take it personally, you're needlessly being offended by the words of someone you really wouldn't want to get mixed up with anyway.

There are more important things to deal with in life.

Now now, some mature faster than others and I'm sure our survival instincts will kick in.

Personal responsibility is what I think is lacking in society.

Some people have no tact..the way others word their their opinions isn't about us. I do feel tact is an important quality...it's falls in line with integrity, is a part of having intgrity.

I've seen profiles where it's said..."I hate kids, I don't wanna hear about your brats".

A simple.."I prefer to date, meet women/men without children." is sufficient here, yet one feels it's important to stress the dislike as if the message isn't clear enough without it.

I don't believe that the woman was acting "ageist". I don't believe that she considered herself to be "too good" to even consider someone older then herself. I do believe that she ruffled your feathers a bit though.

Yes, she could have been more tactful. I'm wondering if she's been getting emails from older men and has grown tired of them. It does happen.

I don't want to date a man a lot older than me. That doesn't make me an ageist. It's my personal preference. It's what is right for me. I would like to be with somebody closer to my age.

Thanks? for the invite to your thread... hope it's not specifically directed toward me.

I have many friends in their 40's and 50's but it is my preference not to date anyone my parents age. I think I was direct while not being rude in my profile, although I have received some not so pleasant responses from older men (which led me to restrict my age limits for email). I absolutely have no problem with men or women of any age, race, creed or sexual orientation and I not think that having a preference for dating makes me an "ist" in any of these categories.

What about those that are way over the age they portray, what would you say about that? Ageism originally added due to employers firing people they had to pay a higher salary to in lieu of higher someone out of college to pay them less for the same job. Now am I kicking an older man out of my bed for a younger one. No, I do not think so.
Your particular post shows hiring someone for the job over a younger version. Now as to this concept the twenty to thirty year old age group could be considered more active maybe more fun for some. Then, you have the oldeeer 50-60 generation that has more life experience, gained patience, and a bit more understanding.
Now when looking for a relationship or date, if looking, I would tend to look for commonalities, but would not necessarily go for someone below the age of 30. Is that just as much ageism as someone wouldnt go for someone the age of 50, yes. Why would I not? Because we are at different satges of life, which may complicate the issues and views of life at different stages.
Samething for me for someone over sixty, going through different stages of life and understanding.
I am grateful for what I have learned at the age of forty and cannot wait to see my understanding at 50 compared to forty. I am also not embarrassed by my age, even though, some are surprised I am 40.

Exclusions are always limiting.
They reduce the available pool of prospects
until you swim alone.

You can drown that way.