Deep man really deep
good stuff

this is an interesting visual of peples reflections of others!

Haha. This plunged into utter chaos very quickly. I actually gave a critical response to the first thing you posted, iam, and then X'd out of Firefox accidentally.

I'll redo it. In the meantime, know that it consisted of, "That was really damned good!"

Thanks man,,I was thinking I may have passed, and GOD was letting me FIND that out,,,,,slowly,,,

It is amazing in here sometimes.
Works that really took a great length of time and imagination to make
GO by w/o any replies,,and works that took five minutes, get two pages of replies,
Many really GOOD WRITES,,by MANY different folks here,,sometimes
just totally miss ANYONE seeing them? THAT just blows me away when I FIND one floating back a week or so,,,,
When I first came into poems here,,there was about three people who TRULY thought THEY were REAL CRITIC'S,,and cut people down BAD,,,it was sometimes just all out fights in here over THEM,,,lol

naked eyes, bewildered thoughts, calculated motion, and dreary spells spin like tops. puzzled emotion, shattered hope, victom red skull doom, fits in motion. elevated care, wicked rage, melon sweet perfume, turn the page. Checkered grips, succulent feathers, tides of peril, stage on high, testy moral, puddles of lava, and what, when and how? Soil in the dark, knights with armor, silk on the canvas, mink fur to warm her. Valent energy, stumbling legs beat the concrete, staggering patrons, and kings of defeat. potion in the pantry, dazzling rays of musical heights, feisty creatures, and pest swarm in the night.

i tried.

you have put together some good images here. the problem is
the format in which you display it

try breaking it up a bit, it makes the work easier to read and
allows the thought (images) to sink in much more.

naked eyes
bewildered thoughts
calculated motion and
dreary spells
spin like tops....

...just a suggestion, nothing more, this is your piece, your words
and ideas, but how you present them can give can give more impact
and sometimes even greater understanding....

ok i know i posted this before, but i am curious...and i was thinking about a re-do, so....tear me to shreds!




My Coordinate System



tobacco stained nightmares in alcoholic sweat
the closet door pedophile is preening on the net
as laughing gas dentist yank teeth from a grin
he smiles through the picket fence of his, distorted sin

I’ m not sure what this about
just mental masturbation with a climax of doubt
pre-cum verses dripping down societies chin
lethal contraceptive impregnating spin

there’s a digital recording of a life you didn’t plan
kept in sight by the face on a clock without hands
this cell phone is a tether with invisible string
keeping us connected like the spice on a chicken wing


and I,
I am a miracle

I am superman
but,
without all the cool stuff

you,
you are my kryptonite
but, without you
I would die
anyway

it’s a tricky thing, this life

some die heroic, others live in strife
while this flat tire turnstile keeps me on the side
so I trade one for another and the other’s just the same
lessons never learned are destined for the flame

even the good girls sometimes get wax across the chest
and the bad boys swarm when angels need to rest
you trade one for another and the other’s just as lame
keeping with the theory of inertial reference frame

shadowboxer curser, blank computer screen
misfit island luau in honor of the queen
smoke signal drifters infiltrate the scene
corrupting all the produce and you’re a tangerine

but,
in a world of great disease
I am immune
running round the motor track
feeding on the fumes
catching glimpses of a life
through the eye of a monsoon
trying to avoid the cow
who’s returning from the moon


and I will
because I,
I am a miracle

I am superman
without all the cool stuff

but,
sometimes she lets me wax

poetic

The dotted lines converge on the amaranthine horizon, extending into the heart of the setting Utah sun like a rapid-fire laser; the canyon-gorged landscape passing before me knew my footsteps, it knew the mud-drenched tracks of the Mormon carts, it understood the toil of the settlers gracing its rugged features; the embers born out the friction and labor consumed the leper Juniper colony like a pandemic, the fire knew my eyes and I knew its warmth because nature enveloped me in a wintry cocoon and spat out a moth-eaten rebel who knew few restraints and fewer regrets, the life that began thereafter knew many pleasures and much disappointment; I luxuriated in the effervescent waters of the hottest spring and sought umbrage in the most sultry summer, I savored cocktails aboard luxurious Aegean yachts, I knew the exuberance of dallying with sexy Greek teens with a killer wingman, I appreciated the shimmering sun-scorched decks forged in the sweat of underpaid grunts, I learned in time to engage the depth deception, and volunteer for timeless moments in the periphery of human understanding, I knew the infinite depths of the altered sound, and the atmospheric rhythm compelling the ecstatic masses to piroutte through the haze like wild monkey engaging in a sexless copulation under the flickering pulse of the kaleidoscopic firmament, I had a taste for excess but excess jilted me, I know the throes of passion and the serenity of those mellow moments of respite, I have sinned against the totalitarian cross and voiced my dissent at the monolithic monuments to entrenched societal injustice and inequitable confinement, I lament the convicts of victimless crimes withering away into callous indifference for an aimless reform inside corrupted reformatories, in silent protest I staggered along the trail of adolescent hedonism until I crossed beyond the threshold of the final door, beyond this point I pondered how to skid and slither through the quagmires of pleasure and pain without venturing a gamble on my territorial claim; so I resigned from this quest and now know and cherish the presence of those who show me in the grace and consistency of their nurturing company how life’s joys defy the hidebound tomes and the monotonous parrots lifeless drones, I have headed nowhither and found direction


I already know I will get torn to shreds for using such 'grandiloquent' an inaccessible language but that's my style

Without even getting into the content I can tell you that this needs work. (not trying to be mean here)

People are lazy, especially when it comes to reading. You have to remember this.

Upon first sight this looks like a big block of words and not really inviting to the reader. You will lose 40% of them just on the appearance. You need to break this up and make it easier to read.

Also, try and end some of your thoughts here. Use periods to complete them and to give the reader time to pause. If you don’t do this it becomes just one long sentence and it will not matter what you have said because, it will all blend together. Most people will not bother to finish the write and if they do, your meaning, more than likely will get lost.

Ok, I hope I have not made you too mad, but you did ask and I am honestly just trying to help.

The smell of pumpkin moonshine filled the air. Fall was offically on it's way. Melissa was sooo excited she couldn't sleep a wink. To calm herself visually, she even went as far as to paint her room pink! But it didn't work. Nope, nothing seemed to work.

She tried everything, and I mean EVERYTHING! Herbal teas, aromatherapy, meditation, and exercise. Hell, even her granny's world renowned Tryptophan Casserole didn't work. None of them worked. It started to feel like all was pointless, and Melissa was doomed to never sleep again.

Was it something she could live with? She often pondered this question, and one day finally realized, of course not. Nobody can live without sleep! The moment she came to this epiphany, if was almost as if a small weight had been lifted from the endoplasmic reticulum of her nether region. Feeling better, she decided to go out.

Now mind you, Melissa lived in a very small town, and there's really not a whole lot to do there. If you ever find yourself there, you have two choices -

1) Go to Buttcrack Bayou and grab a beer.

2) Go to Skeeterpeters Pornographic Get-N-Go, and you know...

Being the girl Melissa is, she obviously chose...

Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn

To find out the answers to these questions, and more...

... tune in next week for the exciting conclusion of;

Diaries of a Pornographic Puzzle Farter

Soulmates

by Seakolony (April W.)

Standing there
The whole time
Listening to me ramble
About my life
It's in shambles
Holding my hand
And wiping my tears
Was in his arms
At 20 years
Living a promiscuous shuffle
Burying memories in male arms
Driving away
The sexual mental and physical harm
Oh no pregnant
She became
Marriage he offered
No she proclaimed

You must move on
Hoping for
Hearth and home of his own
Moved on he did
Marriage, kids, and divorce
Bringing him back
To the beginning
Of our course
Roommates we became
Me in a relationship
And him too
For many years
Friends we remained
Relationships failed
Therefore, we hung out
And raised a toast
For us both

Suddenly
It came back round
Realization
He always knew
Realization
I just grew
20 years wasted
My foolishness
Of youth
My soulmate
Stood by my side
All along
Loving me
Despite my pride
Destinies, agenda met
Standing together in kismet

You KNOW I don't want to do this.
But I will, the once, for you P_P.

Some background..
I wrote this for a feller I met on M2.
He had asked me if I knew what his
nick-name meant..I had answered 'Is it
about dental floss?'
It had the word 'glide' in it.
He was appalled, apparently the first
motorcycle by Harley was the Electra Glide
so I wrote this to show I grasped it.
I never finished it as it was over before then
so, the syllable matches are off...

Outlaw

He glides with electra, into the night
they ride as one at the wind
The righteous shy away in fright
like the devil himself has sinned.

He thunders into the darkening bend
trails of his dust flying high
He knows what he needs to defend to the end
and he knows what he needs to defy.

He flaunts his freedom in weathered chaps
as he haunts the home of the brave
He smiles behind his shades of glass
because the road to hell is paved.

very defiant, non-conformant, yet determined and intent.........

Screaming Nightmares by: JamieRawxx

Dying slowly in an endless sea
full of lost hopes and burning dreams
Drowning in my pain
I cut my wrist
release my misery
Beautiful are you
I sleep awake
In nightmares of your face
Reach for reality
I taste your ecstasy
Your eyes black as coal
your body dead and cold
what have i done
I took it all
Now im here all alone
skin pale
heart of stone
i hear your voice
like a angel singing
my tears of embers streaming
I have fallen never to awake
In blissful memories
Of your Face

I'm not crazy about the last stanza C- particularly the last line. There's not much more to say. You know I think you're brilliant...so carry on.

if it's shredding you want, put on some heavy metal.

i think you all
should take a bow.

where did he go?

deactivated at 5555 posts.
I hope he comes back.

Tribbles too.

an interminable vacation.

"psychological studies have indicated that an interest in answering questions denotes a general interest in the emotional undertaking of those you associate with."