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| Topic: Aren't you expecting too much? | |
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You do think different than most, and that makes it more challenging.
So what...do you really want to think like everyone else, don't you want one who LIKES the way you think??? I am digging that my man likes the way I think...most people don't! And ya are pretty hot in your sunglasses and without for that matter. damn, you just melted my ice cream. Just keep being you. 
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YOUR attracting them..maybe you need to think about why you keep attracting those who are wanting the idea of you, are you allowing yourself to be YOU..or are you attempting to be their idea? No, that's exactly not what is happening. I guess they have an idea..but when they meet me face to face, it's just seems like this isn't what they expected. Even though I'm the same as I am right now. I'm always me, and I can just feel the disappointment, I'm trying to figure out what they were expecting or what exactly they want from me or am I somehow I'm just too much or too strange.. One of those. Makes you feel weird to read it? It's not dehumanizing, just confirms me the fact that I will have hell of a time finding anyone who thinks the way I do or at least interested in me and not interested about how I look in sunglasses and without. |
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Edited by
Atlantis75
on
Fri 05/21/10 09:00 PM
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don't you want one who LIKES the way you think??? I don't think that woman exist really, even just looking back..past girlfriends who manage to stick around with me must had a lot of patience and were able to dismiss most of my ways of thinking as partial (but harmless) insanity. |
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don't you want one who LIKES the way you think??? I don't think that woman exist really, even just looking back..past girlfriends who manage to stick around with me must had a lot of patience and were able to dismiss most of my ways of thinking as partial (but harmless) insanity. I didn't think anyone could deal with my non logical, emotional way of thinking from the heart..my fires, meditations, energy healing's...with rocks, rattles, drums...my "moon" swings....lol all that is me. It happened in spite of myself. I didn't think he existed either...and I'm 15 years older than you. Don't be so pessimistic!!! |
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don't you want one who LIKES the way you think??? I don't think that woman exist really, even just looking back..past girlfriends who manage to stick around with me must had a lot of patience and were able to dismiss most of my ways of thinking as partial (but harmless) insanity. I didn't think anyone could deal with my non logical, emotional way of thinking from the heart..my fires, meditations, energy healing's...with rocks, rattles, drums...my "moon" swings....lol all that is me. It happened in spite of myself. I didn't think he existed either...and I'm 15 years older than you. Don't be so pessimistic!!! I'm not pessimistic, just talking out of experience and observation. Sure, there must be someone who likes me and possibly looking for me right now, there is no doubt. The way the nature works, if there is one, there must be another like that or an opposite that attracts like a magnet..so basically she doesn't have to be like me, but somehow attracted to me for me being me. But the usual way it goes down, that they only think they are attracted to me..but eventually they figure out they aren't after a while. It's usually just a moment of flameup or a sudden rush about one particular thing about me, but the rest of me isn't compatible. |
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don't you want one who LIKES the way you think??? I don't think that woman exist really, even just looking back..past girlfriends who manage to stick around with me must had a lot of patience and were able to dismiss most of my ways of thinking as partial (but harmless) insanity. I didn't think anyone could deal with my non logical, emotional way of thinking from the heart..my fires, meditations, energy healing's...with rocks, rattles, drums...my "moon" swings....lol all that is me. It happened in spite of myself. I didn't think he existed either...and I'm 15 years older than you. Don't be so pessimistic!!! I'm not pessimistic, just talking out of experience and observation. Sure, there must be someone who likes me and possibly looking for me right now, there is no doubt. The way the nature works, if there is one, there must be another like that or an opposite that attracts like a magnet..so basically she doesn't have to be like me, but somehow attracted to me for me being me. But the usual way it goes down, that they only think they are attracted to me..but eventually they figure out they aren't after a while. It's usually just a moment of flameup or a sudden rush about one particular thing about me, but the rest of me isn't compatible. There is someone there, actually she is already there. I have said this before and have been slammed for it. Timing really is everything and compatibility is over rated. There are a handful of core values and if they line up much else will. Each relationship in the mean time is another stepping stone, another experience, another lesson. I don't want to be with one who is exactly like me..just one that is open minded enough to allow me to be me. If he doesn't want to participate in my fires and my meditations that's fine as long as he is ok that I enjoy them. If he likes to fish and I like to read on a rock while he's fishing that's ok to. You don't have to be the same....and again, timing is what it boils down to. It happens when it should. If it's just a "flare up" it isn't the right time. |
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I think all people build up expectations on what they think they want or what they think the other person is like, even in some vague way. I'll even grant that books, both womens romance and some of the mens books don't help matters.
Heck, even in friendship situations that's the same. I've had plenty of people I have little to do with because as friends they aren't even compatible and the thought of any other relationship would be a joke. I think for all people are supposed to be social animals, either we aren't to the extreme some make it out to be or some of us are actually comfortable with the solitude. Of course, my personal view is that we are so overcrowded that we border on what should be a lemming migration but seems to be working towards a suicide of sorts. To much chatter on to may levels. I do think you will find someone Ferenc. I think the majority of people will. I don't believe we are all meant to have permanent partners, though, and sadly, I think I fall under that. My best thinking is when I'm painting or walking in the woods. My best time to shut it off is when I'm out with the horses. Thank goodness for them. |
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I think I have a tendency to see people as I'd like them to be...or as I think they are. I kind of get ahead of things...I form these ideas of the person before I've had time to learn who they are. When a person doesn't match the image I've made of them in my head, I am disappointed...not necessarily because I don't like who they are...just that they are different from what I'd thought. At this late date, I'm finally allowing myself the time for friendships to evolve and to learn about others at the natural pace. Funny, at a point in my life when I feel I'm running out of time, I'm finally learning to slow down and enjoy what is...
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EquusDancer, there is that time as the years, and pains go by that us/we, you/me have that light go off in our tired minds and somehow make it sound good to ourselves that we like solitude, are comfortable with it, best times in..."life" are when alone......But at least in my years of talking deep with my bestest friends that have said the same thing, they really are not happy, but just trying to make the reality of such a finality thing in there life seem...acceptible.
Well, I am suddenly feeling much better...blah |
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I really don't feel that I expect too much out of anyone. I normally look for those that I get along with and can talk to as well that can make me laugh. To me communication means the most to me. I have dated different types of guys at times I have had that instant chemistry then at times they just seemed comfortable to be with. But if anyone is looking for total fireworks they may be in for a let down along the way. For they may be passing up one they could really get along with.... 
BINGO!!! Communication...that's when you really get to be yourself and then if they still want to get to know you..well then maybe the fireworks are a possibility. I'm always impressed when one spends hours of conversation with me and wants more...most head for the hills after a phone call or two. Now I have one who calls every night just to hear my thoughts...now THAT is impressive. 
For sure the communication plays a big part for me since I'm a talker. If another can not get my attention and hold it then I tend to get bored real easy. I'm no more a mind reader then they are and if I must do my own research to find out about them then normally it is due to they are hiding something.... I'm one that is pretty open with my thoughts and if they can not be then it want work out... I'm not into mystery's unless it is a good book..........  
If they are ones that you must watch what you say or how you say it then they are not for me. For what you see and hear is whom I'm and if I can't be myself then they are not for me........
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Looking back on your past relationships, and just thinking about moments when you felt really happy (within and about the relationship), and yet you say that "it wasn't the real one" or..."It went bad because we weren't for each other" or..."not sure if i truly loved him (or her).. And yet essentially there were those moments when you felt content and satisfied how things were. Aren't you trying to get more of those moments or somehow trying to get into a relationship, which has those moments stretched out, expanded and multiplied? And then, let's say, you meet someone for a date or 2 (or 3) ,and suddenly you are trying to feel something, but it just isn't happening or you won't feel a thing. So next morning you wake up, and the whole thing time on the date runs through your mind and you have already made a decision not to go along, because you feel nothing so you dismiss and you are already on your way out of it anyway..you are getting back to your regular schedule and just the thought of going on to more dates with this person just feels like a distraction and ruining your daily habits and your way you run your days? Did you ever thought of, that you have overestimated and exaggerated and just wanted too much from a person who is really not much different from everyone else and this was a huge letdown for you? Perhaps if you would just prepare enough to meet someone ordinary, regardless of what your imagination and your fantasies making you all excited and curious, it's still the best thing to do is to step back from the big picture and analyze the whole thing before you do anything. The person you are to meet is single for a reason..either broke up, divorced or never had a chance or something else made him (or her) to be single and wanting to meet, and maybe that person has already placed his/her expectation too high about you, so both of you are looking for magic and something extraordinary, and when the curtain falls, both of you will realize that there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about the other and this whole thing makes you feel so sour, that you decide that this person is "just not for me?" p.s. Isn't it amazing how I come up with all this stuff, while spraying a coat of polyurethane clearcoat on a piece of plastic in the garage? 
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Expecting too much? Probably. But according to my all-knowing brother, I hate men and try to sabatoge every relationship that I get in. Not sure how he came up with that theory. I will admit that if I see any signs at all that the relationship is heading south I end it as soon as possible. Why waste my time or his?
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Edited by
Kings_Knight
on
Sat 05/22/10 08:21 AM
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Sounds like 'expectations' and 'validation' are being confused here ... if anyone ever looks to anyone else for 'validation', it's a lose-lose game - 'self-validation' is all we need ... as for 'expectations', the only ones that are important are the ones we have for ourself. Trying to live 'up to' or 'down to' someone else's is a fool's game.
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I gotcha......men, that look at the T&A, don't even care what's in my little head. As long as you look good.
I have chosen to love others despite the character flaws we all exhibit at some point or another, at least until my trust becomes destroyed. Then, I know I am the one that made the mistake, not them and walk away. Start over with renewed acceptance and decide to remain friends. |
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Looking back on your past relationships, and just thinking about moments when you felt really happy (within and about the relationship), and yet you say that "it wasn't the real one" or..."It went bad because we weren't for each other" or..."not sure if i truly loved him (or her).. And yet essentially there were those moments when you felt content and satisfied how things were. Very true. And the one remarkably consistent thing about all of those moments was that they always occurred within the first 3 months of the relationship, before they decided (or, at least, before they announced the idea) that I needed to be "changed" or "fixed." Aren't you trying to get more of those moments or somehow trying to get into a relationship, which has those moments stretched out, expanded and multiplied? Well, sure, at least on a hypothetical level. The problem is, I'm so aware of what's coming (and when!) that it makes it difficult to enjoy the "now" knowing that the "later" is going to be so damned uncomfortable. And then, let's say, you meet someone for a date or 2 (or 3) ,and suddenly you are trying to feel something, but it just isn't happening or you won't feel a thing. So next morning you wake up, and the whole thing time on the date runs through your mind and you have already made a decision not to go along, because you feel nothing so you dismiss and you are already on your way out of it anyway..you are getting back to your regular schedule and just the thought of going on to more dates with this person just feels like a distraction and ruining your daily habits and your way you run your days? I used to go into these things operating with the understanding that I needed to spend some time with the person, to get to know her as a unique individual -- to get to know who she was, what she wanted, where she wanted to go in her life, and so on. It takes a certain amount of time to do this. People generally open up to me fairly quickly and easily but I never saw any need to rush them. Two or three dates is really not enough for me to make a valid assessment of the person or of the potential of the relationship.... Did you ever thought of, that you have overestimated and exaggerated and just wanted too much from a person who is really not much different from everyone else and this was a huge letdown for you? I really don't think it's ever been an issue of overestimating for me -- all I've ever really wanted was someone different in the respect that she would not try to change me the way all the others have tried. Is that "wanting too much from a person"? I don't think so, but apparently I'm alone in this belief. Perhaps if you would just prepare enough to meet someone ordinary, regardless of what your imagination and your fantasies making you all excited and curious, it's still the best thing to do is to step back from the big picture and analyze the whole thing before you do anything. The person you are to meet is single for a reason..either broke up, divorced or never had a chance or something else made him (or her) to be single and wanting to meet, and maybe that person has already placed his/her expectation too high about you, so both of you are looking for magic and something extraordinary, and when the curtain falls, both of you will realize that there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about the other and this whole thing makes you feel so sour, that you decide that this person is "just not for me?" p.s. Isn't it amazing how I come up with all this stuff, while spraying a coat of polyurethane clearcoat on a piece of plastic in the garage?
Well, magic would be great, but it always seems to be strictly illusionary in the long run, regardless. I'd much prefer someone ordinary who could accept me for being as ordinary as I am, as well. |
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EquusDancer, there is that time as the years, and pains go by that us/we, you/me have that light go off in our tired minds and somehow make it sound good to ourselves that we like solitude, are comfortable with it, best times in..."life" are when alone......But at least in my years of talking deep with my bestest friends that have said the same thing, they really are not happy, but just trying to make the reality of such a finality thing in there life seem...acceptible. Well, I am suddenly feeling much better...blah You might be right, my friend. And that just scares the Hel outta me! 
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I used to go into these things operating with the understanding that I needed to spend some time with the person, to get to know her as a unique individual -- to get to know who she was, what she wanted, where she wanted to go in her life, and so on. It takes a certain amount of time to do this. People generally open up to me fairly quickly and easily but I never saw any need to rush them. Two or three dates is really not enough for me to make a valid assessment of the person or of the potential of the relationship.... Indeed, 2 or 3 not enough, hell...for me it takes a few months actually to be just "warmed up" about someone. The thing is..by the time I'm warming up, the partner is on her way out of it.."not seeing" anything happening, and takes it as that I'm not interested. And then if I try to explain, I come off as someone who is trying to make up excuses or something. My last 2 were such..they actually broke it off when I was just getting into the whole thing. That's why I made the title about expecting the whole world on a silver plate and deep deep love after meeting and hanging out a few times. That will not work for me. |
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Sounds like 'expectations' and 'validation' are being confused here ... if anyone ever looks to anyone else for 'validation', it's a lose-lose game - 'self-validation' is all we need ... as for 'expectations', the only ones that are important are the ones we have for ourself. Trying to live 'up to' or 'down to' someone else's is a fool's game. 
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Sounds like 'expectations' and 'validation' are being confused here ... if anyone ever looks to anyone else for 'validation', it's a lose-lose game - 'self-validation' is all we need ... as for 'expectations', the only ones that are important are the ones we have for ourself. Trying to live 'up to' or 'down to' someone else's is a fool's game.  
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I'm thinking you weren't wearing a respirator when you was spraying that poly watch a ma call it.
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