When my ex husband left, I never thought he'd leave our kids too. But after almost two years and the hit or miss every other weekend, my kids told me they didn't want to see him anymore.

This past weekend, they spent their time with a neighbor of his playing with their kids while he and his new wife stayed home. He is not involved with their school, life and when he does get them, spends his time yelling or not interacting with them at all.

I just don't get it and I don't know how to truly explain without talking badly about him. I say things like "some people don't make the best choices" or "he's doing the best he can" but it isn't enough. They just want their dad back, his attention, his love. And I can't help them.

This sucks and thanks for letting me vent.

chrissy............I know where your coming from!
My sons father doesnt have & hasnt had anything to do with him
for over 7+yrs!!!!! He never comes by to see him, he never calls, he's LUCKY to even get a card at christmas time.
Needless to say, my son HATES his father & dont want anything
to do with him......ever.....and honestly, i cant blame him
one bit......for there is alot to his story that i will not
mention!
Its a sad thing that fathers are this way, & I keep hoping
that ONE DAY.....they regret it deeply!

my answer is something like ' we both love you '...'ur dad does his best,,,,'

Well..My sons mother sounds like your childrens father.And it hurts me more that i trusted her to be a good mother.And the fact that she isnt even a bit concerned about him(call how is he ...none of that)just makes me hat.her more.But i just be the dad i can and enjoy every moment of it too.I said hat..cause i hate no one.but she is very close to it

MsHarmony....Another wise bit of advice!!

I went thru the same thing with my father. The worst thing was my mom bashed him. It made me feel bad about myself. Now I am raising a child on my own. I never want my daughter to hear anything negative out of my mouth about her dad ( no matter how hard that is!!) She is half him. I dont want her thinking she is half "bad"

Good luck to you Chrissy! I do believe he will regret his actions one day. My father has....23 years later

Wannacuddle........I want to hate my ex but I refuse to let him have that power over me!

My boys were abandoned when they were very young...it is so hard and painful to watch. After all these years I have to say I am still amazed how wonderful they have turned out. Do they have their issues..yes..they know their loved and I give them the freedom to be who they need to be. That is more powerful they we realize.
Just keep loving them....and let them know that they were created truly out of love, love just changes and takes on different forms. It is NOT about them...if that learn that they will be alright.

My real father has never had anything to do with me, my mom and stepdad raised me. No phone calls, no visits, not even a question through someone else. My mom told me how she became pregnant wth me, and my father knew about me, but she never knew how to tell me he wasnt interested. She never bad-mouthed him, she let me decide for myself how I felt about him. I am 33 going on 34 and have never seen my father.

My Dad passed away recently and as far as I am concerned he was my father.

"Any man can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad"

Wise words I heard from my meme many years ago and tehy have stuck with me to this day.

I wish you the best of luck and hope it doesn't turn out the way my "father" did.

my daughters father told me while i was pregant hed be there for both of us he took of during my 5th month havint heard from him since my daughters almost 4 months old and i dont want his child support all my firends are like u need the money and she needs her dad i relized my daughter and i are better off shes my love and i know she know s i love her shes got me my mom my grandma brother sis my aunts unles and cuzions and my dad and when the time comes if she askes bout her dad not sure wat im gonna say but my thing wat cant hurt u makes u stronger just keep reamber u love them they love you ur doing watever u can for you and them

... (((Chrissy))) ... No words, we feel one another ... You KNOW ...

Thank you all. Please notice I didn't specify father or mother because I guess either could act this way.

I don't talk badly about him to the girls but when he hurts them I think they can feel my reaction. I am so close with my dad and the girls are very close with him too. They know what a father is supposed to be and they want that kind of relationship.

I just tell them that sometimes people make bad choices but it doesn't make them bad people.

I'm sorry you all are going through this too. Being a parent is heartbreaking and heartsoaring all at the same time.

...

Its definitely a difficult situation. My son's father hasn't seen him in almost 5 years. He considers him and the child support payments 'just another bill he has to pay every month'. Gotta love that!

Been there done that all the same stuff. Use to tell my kids your dad loves you he just shows it in a different way. I never made my kids go to their dads. He very seldom would pick them up my son took it the hardest but......through the years he finally seen it was not me that it was his dad that was making the choices he did. It was tough but all you can do is be there for them and show them your love has not altered for them just because of the divorce. In the end they will understand and make their own choices as well let them. If they don't want to go don't make them just maybe he will wake up and see what he is doing. It is doubtful that will happen so just stay strong and get through it.

It is tough for then you may have to make the choice of putting your life on hold in the end. As far as relationships ect in order to give them more time. Believe me that is a tough one for I did to a certain extent. But have never regretted it to this day...

I LOVE those last three sentences,, very very insightful ,,,,,thanx

I'm not a parent,
If i was goin to become one, I'd & my potential partner make sure the relationship is solid, and that take time, far longer than most people think and exists for the relatiopnship, not to have kids...the latter is a optional next step, not the first step

Let's not make the divorced adults of tomorrow

~sc

To ensure to avoid those who don't read properly, This isn't aimed at any posters, it is a genral comment.

~sc

I would feel heartbroken about that, too, if I was you. Too many people out there are just too selfish to be good parents,,,,very sad.

i can relate to what u r going through i have my grandson who is 14 and i have had him since 3wk's old.and the oven he baked n nor sperm donor is n his life and it does suck but he want 's notta to do with them.

I sympathize with you all. My ex moved 1200 miles away, and I had no way to see them on the standard visitation scedule. Christmas or Thanksgiving, not both, and half the summer. If I called to talk with them, I nver got them, the female would not let me talk to them. When they turned 12/13, she shipped them off to me, with all the ltrs cards and presents I had sent them, minus any cash I had enclosed. I had to try to answer the question "Why didn't you call/write us?' Well, when they opened the box of stuff, they hated their mom for lying to them all those years, and still have nothing to do with her 20 years later. Just tread lightly when you get into this situation, because what you say/do to them as kids could feasibly blow up in your face when they become adults.