lol......nice stories...

Watching Hasselhoff spank the monkey.

lol @ laugh....that image is going to stay in my head for a long long
time...

I do my best to leave people with a lasting impression, Libra. Scary
that I teach, isn't it? LOL.

not necessarily (did i spell that right?)

I'm off duty, Libra. Relax.

Goodevening folks, today has been another hot day in the east, few
clouds and we also had a few t-storms to deal with. Tommorow is looking
hot as usual with temps up in the high 80's with no clouds in sight.
Tonight there were cracksheads rallying in petition of why crack is
raising in prices and mariuagna stays around the same price! in
actuallity mariuagna has only had an increased 1 % within the last 2
years while crack cocaine has had an 70% increase within the last two
years. The cracke users vowed to go on strike, at least 'till next weeks
paycheck!

And in sports, David Beckam has come to America to play what he calls
football, we americans call the sport soccer, and gives us all another
reason to hate soccer and Tom Cruise! lmao

lol....just teasing

lmao!!

Mach, we didn't need a reason to hate Tom Cruise but thanks!!!

Now we will hear from animal expert Newt Dangwest!

Newt, when a dog is barking when they approach a human, what are they
trying to tell us?

Newt: they are simply telling us it's okay to pet them

I see, so the next time a angry looking dog is barking at my mailman I
should tell him to just bend down and pet him right?

Newt: As an expert for which i am, yes tell him to bend down and pet
him, gently now, very slow, almost like a slow masturbating stroke!

Oh ok, that sounds rather sick ther Newt

Newt: Dogs like to be stroked Mach!

Well I would imagine so, but a barking dog with teeth nashing and you
are telling me to stroke him??

Newt: Yes stroke him, stroke him baby! I'm from England Mach, and we
english pride ourselves in stroking our dogs!

Ok,ok, thanks for stopping by Newt, we'll see you again next weeke when
we will discuss your new book "CHOKING OYUR CHICKEN FOR DUMMIES"! more
to come folks, we will be right back after your local ads!

and now the weather with Al Poker! Goodevening Mach, well man i was
struck by friggin lightening today! It zapped me out of nowhere! I was
reporting clear skies ahead, kawham, nature made a lie of me! And now
everytime i sneeze the power goes out! But enough about my day, I hate
my life and this job sux a fat one! Tommorow is looking to be sunny all
day, it will be hot as hell ince again and once again my life is soo
sucky i have to be out in the heat reporting how friggin' hot it is as
if you idiots did not already know that! AAHHHHCHEWWWW!

Ok,ok, we lost Al, more to come folks, stay tuned!

This just in, "THE LAST PERSON TO POST WINS" thread has caused an
breakdown of several jshers as they try and try to get the last word in,
who will win this exciting new post? and better yet who will survive
this thread? We will be on the scene to get the latest on this
breakthrough thread, stay tuned, Mach News, where the News is on time
everytime! lmao

In totally awesome news, Allen's solo debut, entitled "Lets go play some
corn hole!" opens at #2, just behind the song "Turd Nuggets flushed down
my goldfish" by the band "The Crack Heads"

singer and recording artist Allen has checked himself into tehab todat,
when asked why, his publicist had this to say: Allen feels he is causing
harm to himself and has made a decision to improve on himself so that he
may be a better person and as an entertainer! Allen is addicted to
cornholing, an act or addiction if you must has to do with homo acts and
alot of porn was found in his tour bus, homo pron! Allen I hope you get
better, Cornhole On!

wow....that sounds serious

BREAKING NEWS! The singer Allen was recently arrested for assault
against Justing Timberlake and Timbaland. They were recording a new CD
next door to the corn hole rehab center. Witnesses say Allen went into
a rage screaming "Justin and Timbaland must die for crimes against music
and humanity!" By the time police got to the scene, they found both
Timberlake and Timbaland lying on the floor knocked out with Allen
destroying the recording tapes.

BREAKING NEWS! Singer and pop star Allen has confessed to both molesting
and assaulting timbaland and justin Timberlake! When asked why he did
it, he had this response: I can not resist their bodies, but they don't
want me, nooo, they want all those lil' ladies with hair exstensions and
makeup, not a real guy like me! Why I could not take it anymore! More on
this report tonight at 11! lmao

mach funny!

This just in....Mach25 had totally lost it....That's right...LOST
IT!!!!! He had to be carried from the news set in a straight jacket
earlier this evening while shouting...I AM LEGION as his head twisted
around backwards just like a scene from the Exorcist!!!!!!!!! He was
last seen being dunked in a bucket of holy water inside a North Carolina
Institution!!!!!!