....of a significant group of women in the world, so I can have a good pool of females, who changed their mind to choose from (or they choose me). I'm still without success (I'm still single for 2 years now), it's a very difficult task to accomplish, but a glimmer of hope here and there flashes up in the utter darkness of confusion and aimless masses. Not the results I'm looking for, but surely these are good signs, I just have to fight more and change tactics more often. Only a fool would do the same thing over and over and expect different results.

Insanity:Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

~Albert Einstein

Before someone goes too far into psychology or calls 911 to send me to an insane asylum, here is what basically I mean.

You gotta go in babysteps. Here is the master-plan. Good opinion is the first, you can't expect miracles to happen and neither Hollywood is a good example.

The mindset that "it's just gonna happen one day out of the blue" (someone find you interesting enough to get to know you better) is not depending on luck.

Yes, luck pays a role, but it's not all pure luck and chances.

Just like a professional work, like for example painting, you must have a good foundation or repaired as best as it can be.

The foundation in this meaning, is you and your life and who you are.

Many tries to jump from a broken foundation, (life isn't arranged, there are other issues etc) and expect to appeal good enough for others.

So, once the foundation is repaired ( in this case, the foundation cannot be replaced, since you can't kill and re-clone yourself and start from day 1, but unlike a rotten window sill, we are able to repair ourselves from 0 back to 100 percent)it's time to prepare the surface.

In this meaning, you and your past is patched and smoothed out to a point, where all it needs is a bit of dusting off to apply the final finish coat.

Your "finish coat" is your appearance and the way you conduct yourself front of others. Sure it can be deceiving, since we can just throw the finish coat on a rotten window and try to sell it but upon closer inspection, we'll see that the "finish coat" is made to hide a rotten window sill underneath and the paint will peel off within months and all the rotten wood will show within a short time.


The other important part is quality. Meaning, I am not buying the house because it looks good right now, I want it to last and I have a mental image of how the house is going to be in 5, 10, 20 years.

This is very important, because while you show yourself to be someone and somewhere, the perception you must radiate isn't just who you are, but what you can be and that other, who is looking and reading you want to know if how you most like will conduct yourself within a relationship. This is actually more important than what you are right now.

The person checking you out is looking into the future, not the present. Of course, it doesn't mean that if you are unsuccessful, than you must be doing something wrong, but it just might be the fact, that the person looking at you is not thinking ahead.

For a symbolic comparsion, Ferraris and Porches do not grow on trees. So to make a car, that looks good and sounds fantastic to drive, it has to go through a process, where the material (steel, iron, plastic, rubber) is gone through a process of shaping and melting to a form, that does not look like a truckoald of raw iron ore anymore, but it has gone through a transformation into an entirely different thing than it was.

(I wonder how many will understand that)

So back to the point of dating, it is crucial to understand the fact, that what you see and read in the profiles is the past. Even if i make a picture of myself right now and post it, or even if I re-read what i wrote in my profile, that's the past, because since then, I had new thoughts and new ideas and some has changed me already or in the process of changing me to an entirely different person.

continued...

People don't change. They might pretend to change their mind for you for a little while, but they will always revert.

Also, I like what you wrote and agree with some of it but most women (including myself) don't really get metaphors based around construction, cement and/or rotten wood.

imo

Mikey

U say wood SO well!!

i gotta agree with row, unless you're trying to appeal to a male audience, all that handyman stuff is a little difficult to take. for me, keep it simple, no master plan. i don't analyze or have pre-conceived notions or expectations, i just look for a like soul, connection, and we grow...together....like a garden.

As the old saying goes don't dwell in the past learn from it correct the things that need to be corrected and move on. Be yourself don't be who others want you to be. Don't live with regrets instead look forward to what you have before you but don't overlook what is here and now...................

I've been single much longer sure it would be nice to have that one that curls my toes and makes me smile just to hear their voice. But I'm who I'm I can improve who I'm but I'm still me.

But.........if I have to be something that I'm not then I would rather stay single..........

As far as changing people can change the way they see things in life and how they let them effect them. Myself what I thought was so important when I was younger no longer seems as important to me anymore. And many of the things that I took for granted I now enjoy more then I thought I ever would.

So true. You always have a way with words Bastet

Hey I am handy with my.....tools!!

you too row!

and mikey

U outta see what I can do with long shafted wrench!!

Solid foundations and a keystone are the basics for a solid construction...

...of any kind...

I read your post and felt plagarised.... I am sure I posted something similar two or so years ago...

glad to know there are like minded folk out there in the world.

Not everyone thinks the same, granted. But do not blanket "people" with a statement such as "people won't change". People do change. Even if you just have read what I wrote, it might or might not have changed your perception, or at least you get a sense that not everyone thinks and does the same way.

People do change, because the life changing events they go through. You do not have the same person anymore, once he or she experienced life changing events. And in reality it's not only those "life changing events" change people, but pretty much everything.

Sure, there are people who refuse to change also. They live in denial, so to speak, they refuse to adapt and go on.
It would be ok not to change, but everything else around everyone changes. And if someone refuses to go along and run the same tape ran 5 months or a year ago, that person is living in the past.

At the end, sooner or later he or she has to adapt.

Now, what do i mean by changes? Pretty much everything. Circumstances for living a life changes all the time. Depending what kind of life you want to live and what is required to achieve it changes almost by the day.

You can't expect to re-run a tape that has been ran already, it's not going to be the same and the requirements have changed, or there are different requirements required (lol, same word 3 times).

For example, I can't re-create the same way of living of how I lived when 2 years ago I had a girlfriend, even if the new girlfriend (if i would have one) would be very similar to the previous one , meaning having a similar point of view and want the similar things from life etc.
It's not going to happen. The biggest obstacle is that I'm not the same person anymore and the world aren't like it was 3 years ago.

I can try to force things to be the same way, but my mind opposes me and the world we live in won't let me do it, plus i got older and due to the changes that have occurred in my life and around me, my goals have been altered or even completely changed and even if i want to re-create a way of living together with someone, the tasks I have to accomplish and things that the way I have to prepare for it as well as the current situation is entirely different.

This might not be true for everyone, since everyone is in a different situation and has a different past and so on.

The most important thing ( I think) for everyone is do to take a few steps back from the big picture and analyze both the current situation and their past lives and their future goals.

If your goals are still the same, you must be sure that they are achievable and you are able to reach it. You must be working toward this goal already, but you must also leave some space for someone, if you are looking.
If you don't, then that person might feel like an intrusion into your life and you are less accepting, even if you wish to be with someone.

continued...

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”

~Oscar Wilde

True. I'm not forcing anyone to change, I am only providing an alternative. It really comes down to the person to accept. I'm not holding a gun to anyone's head, I'm giving my opinion.

How true Bastet, let it flow, don't push the river...It goes where it wants to go.....If all goes well the path will lead you to the right place in life...Over analyzing gets a person nowhere. When both souls are deep and connected that garden will grow beautiful flowers

Good luck with that, I've come to the conclusion that the only person you can change is yourself, and even that can be difficult.

Yes that's the whole point Atlantis, what Leigh said. You can only change yourself.

I do agree that experiences can change your life and people do adapt.

I'm not trying to argue with you Atlantis