Boy!the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant *uckin' Mark Twain $hit.'Cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone. The Devil's Rejects (2005)

Linus: [Shatner has given them the access codes to Skywalker Ranch] How did you score all of this?

William Shatner: Are you kidding? I'm William Shatner; I can score anything.

Eric: How about Jeri Ryan's panties?

- Fanboys

"take my eyes but not my shirt!!!!"

Saving Sarah MArshall

"Machete don't text"

-Danny Trejo as Machete-

That STILL only counts as one!

Gimli, LOTR Return of the King (SQUEE!!!)

Nee!

I think the real obscenity comes from raising out youth to believe that sex is bad and ugly and dirty. And yet, it is heroic to go spill guts and blood in the most ghastly manner in the name of humanity. With all the taboos attached to sex, it's no wonder we have the problems we have. It's no wonder were angry and violent and genocidal. But, ask yourself the question, what is more obscene: sex or war?

William Parrish: Don't blow smoke up my ***, it will ruin my autopsy.

"Meet Joe Black"

"When life hands you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall" ...Get him to the Greek

Gimli had all the best lines!

Aaron Green [taking a hit]: Uh, guys? What is this stuff? My heart's going really fast.

Aldous Snow: Oh, it's a bit of this, a bit of that. It's called a Jeffrey. It's mostly weed, with a bit of opium as well... ground-up E's... heroin... Chlorox...

Aaron Green: Why the fuc~ would you call that a Jeffrey?!

Aldous Snow: Who would be scared of a Jeffrey?

John Herod: All I hear from you, you spineless cowards, is how poor you are; how you can't afford my taxes. Yet somehow, you managed to find the money to hire a gunfighter to kill me. If ya got so much money, I'm just gonna have to take some more. Because clearly some of you haven't got the message! This is my town! I run everything! If you live to see the dawn, it's because I allow it! I decide who lives and who dies!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kid: The Smith and Wesson Schofield .45. Just meat and potatoes. Me and Jesse James think it's the best handgun in the world. Had the trigger guard removed, it saves drawin' time. Don't ever wear it when you're drunk, or you'll kill your feet.
The Quick and the Dead (1995)

Martin: Where have you been?

Roy: Where the **** did you get a machine gun from?

Vegard: Well... I've been busy.

- Dead Snow

When we get to the country, we are gonna piss up all the trees to mark our territory, then we are gonna find a pub and get so drunk we can't remember how to speak, and we'll communicate in grunts like neanderthals, before passing out in the woods!

- Doghouse

I'd rather be his whore than your wife...

Titanic

Richard: There are no bears in Hungary. Unless we've crossed the border into Romania, in which case there ARE bears. If we're in Serbia, then... I don't know.

Harris: That's really interesting, Richard. Tell me something: are bears required to stop at borders? Is there some sort of, I don't know, passport control for bears?

- Severance

Coach Keel: Little lady, you'll get the machete.

Gwen: But I don't know how to shoot a machete.

- Dance Of The Dead

Penn: Oh, yeah. We're dead and there's no way out. I mean, it couldn't be a gag, it couldn't be a joke. We're not gonna have one of the characters wake up from a bad dream; you'd hate us for that! I mean the movie is called 'Penn & Teller Get Killed.' We HAD to get killed at the end, there's no way out of that. We were married to that ending from the moment we thought of the title, and now we've actually killed off ourselves, and there's no taking that back. And this whole pullback, this is not us going to heaven. We're just dead. I mean, those were suicides, frowned upon by every major Western religion, and Atlantic City is in the Western world, so... Penn & Teller are dead. That's it. Thanks. Hope you enjoyed it. You can imagine the sequel thing is kind of a bytch.


- Penn & Teller Get Killed

Monty: I must say theres nothing more attractive than tainted youth.
Yes, I am indeed a pervert. Does that offend you?
Natasha: Nope, I think most tainted youths end up being perverts.
Monty: Good ****ing answer!
Natasha: Oh and Monty, just so you know, Im only a minor for another
week. I turn eighteen on Wednesday.
Monty: Well, then I guess I better hurry up then. I dont have much
time.

--Waiting (2005)

Is that your Boulder? Thats a nice Boulder! from Donkey on Shriek