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| Topic: So, what are the signs? | |
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So, after making poor choices in the past there comes a time when you must question how honest you are being with yourself. I know, that in the past, I have had the tendency to take the 'noone is perfect' approach and focus on someones strengths while all but ignoring their 'weaknesses'.
In the future, I think I will pay MUCH closer attention to 1.how the person treats their family (and if family is even important to them) and 2.how they deal with stress(do they play victim, ignore it, or face it and deal with it,,etc,,,),and 3.whether they have a BALANCE of responsibility and privilege in their life( as opposed to always playing or always being serious), and 4. how they handle disagreement(are they respectful and considerate, or tacky and low hitting) What signs did you possibly overlook in the past that you would pay more attention to now that you have had more experience? |
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You seek some excellent qualities, I'd agree that I also seek in friends and partners across the board...
To answer ... I consider more what I seek, not what I am repelled by - or what I might have overlooked previously! That being: Verifiable Integrity and Accountability Impeccable Communication Skills Warmth/Compassion/Kindness/Understanding/Empathetic A Rockin' Sense of Humour Spontaneity Intelligent/Talented ~ Out of the Box Thinker An Essence Given to Being Deep/Spiritual Someone ALWAYS Striving to Evolve/Grow/Understand/Reach Higher/Challenge Their Self Anything BUT Cookie~Cutter Positive/Optimistic/Adaptable ... Always w/ an Easy Smile Artistic and Lover of the Arts At One w/ Nature ... And, yes, even more ... 
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You seek some excellent qualities, I'd agree that I also seek in friends and partners across the board... To answer ... I consider more what I seek, not what I am repelled by - or what I might have overlooked previously! That being: Verifiable Integrity and Accountability Impeccable Communication Skills Warmth/Compassion/Kindness/Understanding/Empathetic A Rockin' Sense of Humour Spontaneity Intelligent/Talented ~ Out of the Box Thinker An Essence Given to Being Deep/Spiritual Someone ALWAYS Striving to Evolve/Grow/Understand/Reach Higher/Challenge Their Self Anything BUT Cookie~Cutter Positive/Optimistic/Adaptable ... Always w/ an Easy Smile Artistic and Lover of the Arts At One w/ Nature ... And, yes, even more ...
Were perfect for each other... 
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You seek some excellent qualities, I'd agree that I also seek in friends and partners across the board... To answer ... I consider more what I seek, not what I am repelled by - or what I might have overlooked previously! That being: Verifiable Integrity and Accountability Impeccable Communication Skills Warmth/Compassion/Kindness/Understanding/Empathetic A Rockin' Sense of Humour Spontaneity Intelligent/Talented ~ Out of the Box Thinker An Essence Given to Being Deep/Spiritual Someone ALWAYS Striving to Evolve/Grow/Understand/Reach Higher/Challenge Their Self Anything BUT Cookie~Cutter Positive/Optimistic/Adaptable ... Always w/ an Easy Smile Artistic and Lover of the Arts At One w/ Nature ... And, yes, even more ...
Were perfect for each other...
... 
...  ... But we knew that, Lover ...
But, enough about US... 
... 
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In the future, I think I will pay MUCH closer attention to 1.how the person treats their family (and if family is even important to them) and 2.how they deal with stress(do they play victim, ignore it, or face it and deal with it,,etc,,,),and 3.whether they have a BALANCE of responsibility and privilege in their life( as opposed to always playing or always being serious), and 4. how they handle disagreement(are they respectful and considerate, or tacky and low hitting) 
I would only add that I'd look to see how shallow they are (how they balance and place importance of "looks" with "substance") and how compassionate/empathic they are towards other people too. I want to see what's in their heart. That's the real person that you'll be living with... 
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Discernment, and understanding yourself, are vital to being capable of making good choices for ourselves in life.
me personally.... I'm all full up.... I have no space for relationships of a romantic nature....so have no 'list'.. 
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In the future, I think I will pay MUCH closer attention to 1.how the person treats their family (and if family is even important to them) and 2.how they deal with stress(do they play victim, ignore it, or face it and deal with it,,etc,,,),and 3.whether they have a BALANCE of responsibility and privilege in their life( as opposed to always playing or always being serious), and 4. how they handle disagreement(are they respectful and considerate, or tacky and low hitting)
I would only add that I'd look to see how shallow they are (how they balance and place importance of "looks" with "substance") and how compassionate/empathic they are towards other people too. I want to see what's in their heart. That's the real person that you'll be living with...
GREAT suggestions, I will add them to my list,,lol |
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Great post... but since I see myself as a beginner in the "starting over" thing I don't have much too offer in the way of advice
 so I'll just take notes... good stuff.
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Discernment, and understanding yourself, are vital to being capable of making good choices for ourselves in life.
me personally.... I'm all full up.... I have no space for relationships of a romantic nature....so have no 'list'..
Yeah, Babe ... 
... I'm not in the 'Lookin' or Market' kinda thang either! Mine is more a tried and true Road Map, than a list, of the only terrain I care to traipse in this precious time we call life ... ...Roadmap to/in ALL my personal interconnections ... Be that friends, biz partners, romance at a later date ... ...
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So, after making poor choices in the past there comes a time when you must question how honest you are being with yourself. I know, that in the past, I have had the tendency to take the 'noone is perfect' approach and focus on someones strengths while all but ignoring their 'weaknesses'. In the future, I think I will pay MUCH closer attention to 1.how the person treats their family (and if family is even important to them) and 2.how they deal with stress(do they play victim, ignore it, or face it and deal with it,,etc,,,),and 3.whether they have a BALANCE of responsibility and privilege in their life( as opposed to always playing or always being serious), and 4. how they handle disagreement(are they respectful and considerate, or tacky and low hitting) What signs did you possibly overlook in the past that you would pay more attention to now that you have had more experience? Great things to look for. I mainly watch and see how they treat others, how agreeable they are (too much is a red flag), do they have dreams or goals, how pushy are they?, and most importantly are they fun to be around. |
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Now this is a wonderful thread.
Right now I am focusing on what kind of person I am and what I want to be. I am hoping that will allow me to better discern what I will eventually look for in a friend/lover. I seek to be an open communicator with both thoughts and feelings. I seek to be accountable and responsible for myself and to myself. I seek to have reasonable boundaries with regards to how I wish and deserve to be treated. I seek to know my own self-worth and revel in it. I seek to make the world a better place through my actions. I seek to always take inventory of myself and change the things I don't like or limit me. Hmmmm after a little thought, it might be a while before I think about what I want in someone else. 
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I'm noticing more that the qualities: Funny, Intelligent, passionate and responsible are all harder to find in one person.
Ha! and I used to think that everybody was capable of these. Boy was I naive |
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So, after making poor choices in the past there comes a time when you must question how honest you are being with yourself. I know, that in the past, I have had the tendency to take the 'noone is perfect' approach and focus on someones strengths while all but ignoring their 'weaknesses'. In the future, I think I will pay MUCH closer attention to 1.how the person treats their family (and if family is even important to them) and 2.how they deal with stress(do they play victim, ignore it, or face it and deal with it,,etc,,,),and 3.whether they have a BALANCE of responsibility and privilege in their life( as opposed to always playing or always being serious), and 4. how they handle disagreement(are they respectful and considerate, or tacky and low hitting) What signs did you possibly overlook in the past that you would pay more attention to now that you have had more experience? Wanna know about me? Fine, here goes: 1. My family is very important to me. However there are some serious issues in my family, and I accept things for the way they are, but would love for them to change for the better. Pride and arrogance have taken over, and I am not a part of that. But I am always here if anyone needs my council. 2. Stress, run Forrest run! I avoid stress when ever I can, I don't seek it out, but when I have to deal with it, I use logic and rationale, not emotion. 3. Responsibility: I will always own up to whatever I'm responsible for. What I will not tolerate is being the scapegoat for everyone else's problems. 4. Disagreement. The prelude to wrath and anger. If you disagree with me, fine. It's like a tennis match, we compete and sees who wins the game. Life would be quite boring if everyone agreed with each other all of the time. Sometimes we need to see another person's point of view. Who knows, we might just agree with it. And if you don't, that's okay too, some people believe it or not have a different set of values than you, and that does not make them wrong, only different. |
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Wow
you people are serious my list: he dosnt beat his mother he's good in bed He's got a great car stereo he knows and understands the world revolves around me a great communicator with his mouth full JUST KIDDING!! I agree a little bit of everyone!!!!
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So, after making poor choices in the past there comes a time when you must question how honest you are being with yourself. I know, that in the past, I have had the tendency to take the 'noone is perfect' approach and focus on someones strengths while all but ignoring their 'weaknesses'. In the future, I think I will pay MUCH closer attention to 1.how the person treats their family (and if family is even important to them) and 2.how they deal with stress(do they play victim, ignore it, or face it and deal with it,,etc,,,),and 3.whether they have a BALANCE of responsibility and privilege in their life( as opposed to always playing or always being serious), and 4. how they handle disagreement(are they respectful and considerate, or tacky and low hitting) What signs did you possibly overlook in the past that you would pay more attention to now that you have had more experience? ONE quick impression made,,,can CAUSE YOU,,to close your eyes and minds to them...When THAT IMPRESSION was miss-read,,or felt,,as to NOT how that person really is at all.... I am aware of the type of lady I would call a friend,, but that very OPEN,,and as that is,,so is ALLMY UNDERSTANDINGS to listen and try and really talk with them,,and the only for sure way of FEELING their truth and heart,,is through meeting them,,face to face.SO I don't rule out many as to have that chance to really see. Just my thoughts here... 
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So, after making poor choices in the past there comes a time when you must question how honest you are being with yourself. I know, that in the past, I have had the tendency to take the 'noone is perfect' approach and focus on someones strengths while all but ignoring their 'weaknesses'. In the future, I think I will pay MUCH closer attention to 1.how the person treats their family (and if family is even important to them) and 2.how they deal with stress(do they play victim, ignore it, or face it and deal with it,,etc,,,),and 3.whether they have a BALANCE of responsibility and privilege in their life( as opposed to always playing or always being serious), and 4. how they handle disagreement(are they respectful and considerate, or tacky and low hitting) What signs did you possibly overlook in the past that you would pay more attention to now that you have had more experience? ONE quick impression made,,,can CAUSE YOU,,to close your eyes and minds to them...When THAT IMPRESSION was miss-read,,or felt,,as to NOT how that person really is at all.... I am aware of the type of lady I would call a friend,, but that very OPEN,,and as that is,,so is ALLMY UNDERSTANDINGS to listen and try and really talk with them,,and the only for sure way of FEELING their truth and heart,,is through meeting them,,face to face.SO I don't rule out many as to have that chance to really see. Just my thoughts here...
I agree, when making friends. And I can see that you would be that type of person ( I could be great friends with someone with your outlook , btw,,lol). When chosing a life partner though, I have learned from my past mistakes what are priorities for ME. I dont overlook anyone for FRIENDSHIP, but I will probably be more honest with myself about the likelihood of a successful LIFE PARTNERSHIP with someone (based upon certain personal priorities). |
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