ok. remember. don't allow him 2 dig up stinky dirt. he will try if he comes back.

Wishing you well and hoping things will STAY calm in your house. I know it is hard for you and the decision itself to have him leave must have been very difficult. I will keep you in my prayers! Hang in there, girl! One day at a time! Jen

Been down this road and it sure is not fun. Heartbreaking often.

Congratualtions on getting him out of the house. Hopefully the brother will be able to cope with him. I think you have to expect that there may be yet another blow up and hard feelings with your brother (and his family if he has one). Hopefully if he is kind enough to step up you will not undermine him in his efforts. I am not saying you would mean to; just seen this happen in many families so try to see it if it is something you are doing.

I really think you have not seen how much you have enabled him and reading back through your posts might be halpful. Or how much you have denied the harm he is doing to you. and your daughter. Stealing from you is a crime not to mention the verbal abuse and intimidation of a minor.

I think you have to be prepared for that to flare up between you and your daughter at some point. Not knocking her again that is just typical sibling response.

I know a mother's heart wants to believe her child will not hurt her but Duffy is right you need to have a "safe out" plan because from the behavior you are describeing it is not a matter of "if" but "when" that one of his temper tantrums leads to you or your daughter being hurt. I would definitely encourage both of you to take a self defense class. You have to get it through her head she can not out think irrational behavior. Trying to put it in the frame that he would never forgive himself for hurting her is maybe a way of preventing the unthinkable.

I would actively treat the hang over that is going to hit when the new peace wears off and the greif and anger set in for you and your daughter. Most people honeyingmoon for a while then often want to kiss and make up to have a kid around for a special event or even a crisis. Sometimes it is just hard to see them do well once the reality strikes but they want to play the guilt trip on you and give you the silent treatment. Many churches have Tough Love groups or Prodigal Children Groups's for parents to help get through this.

The idea of NarcAlon is a good one but I doubt you will want to face that your son is a drug addict. Just pot doesn't usually make a person Nasty when they can't get it. But you don't have the right to his medical info anymore even if he agreed to show it too you.

The Alliance For the Mental Ill can give you and your son help and free materials to understand his health issues. Volital Anger bursts suggest there is some kind of mental health issue. Perhaps a collection of issues from allergies, to ADHD, BiPolar, Manic Depression, Addiction, to Abandonment issues. Good Will stores often have great self help books. And there is always the Public Library or online.

A good possibility your son is going to end up back in jail. To catch seven years he has to have done something faily serious so he has a lot leaning against his future. He is fortuneate that he is out before he is 27. Many programs cut off at that age so I would encourage him not to coast and hope everything is going to turn out ok but to actively seek resources whill he is not too old to get into to them.

Chances are he knows three ways to Sunday how to get into your house, without you even knowing it, so I would make a serious effort to change the locks and beef up security. With his size you really need to go heavy duty or he will just kick down the door in a rage. Putting a steel door on your bedroom, bath, or pantry so you and your daughter have a safe room is not a bad idea. Keep a cell phone or some kind of alarm so you can get help when the time comes.

I would recommend not even allowing him to visit for at least three years of good behavior. Being your son, and allowing him to claim it as his residence after prison, you need some form of paper trail that he no longer lives there. Otherwise it will be his word against yours that you have not allowed him to move back in and unless you have proof you "evicted" him you are not going to get a lot of help from the cops if he just comes back and squats. Especially if you have not filed a restraining order. Many domestic violence centers will NOT take parents of abusesive kids even if they are adults.

It does help to make sure you have removed ALL his belongings, even if you have to pay for a small public storage locker. Make sure you do not co-own the space because if he brings in drugs or stolen items chages could be filed against you. Probably a good idea to make reasonable effort to document the condition and inventory of his stuff. Then when you turn it over have him sign off so you do not end up in court. Send him a registered letter telling him where his stuff is and how long he has until he has to pay or loose it. As his previous "landlord" you may be obliged to give him thirty days to claim it so check your local laws. As long as it is secured and he has reasonabale access (Agreeing to a set time when you will meet and remove your lock and allow him to take over the contract in his name only ( you can still be nice and pay a couple extra months if you want but he can make enough picking up pop bottles to pay for a storeage shed so don't help too much).

Also do not allow him to recieve mail at your residence. Especially his food stamps; it is fraud if he doesn't live there. Having them switched to another address would give you some leg to stand on that he is not allowed to live there. If you want to be a nice Mom, and make it not seem so harsh provideing him a prepaid United States Post Office box for 6 mos. or a year will give him a safe place to store his birth certificate, state ID or driver's license, (Mail it to himself and leave it in the box or other important papers even cash if he doesn't have bank privileges. If you pick a post office in a better neighborhood it will help him with his job search, might save on his car insurance, but be sure he can get there by bus. True it will probably mean you won't have and excuse to see him as often it also gives you a private way to send him holiday greetings, a small gift card if he starts flying right, or and a place to forward his mail to. Do not accept the duplicate key. He can leave it in the P.O. Box itself and simply have the Postmaster give Him the contents by presenting and ID. Do NOT use a commercial mailbox because when he stops paying there they do not have to return his mail and he could loose tax refunds or other important mail. Once he is officially out report by registured mail he no longer can use your residence or phone for credit or collection to all three credit beaureas. This should stop their collection efforts through you. Do NOT cosign anything and if he is on any accounts remove him. You might want to monitor your own credit since his next stop is probably going to be Daddy dearest and they both probably have your social security number.

Having a calm chat with the Public Services Officer at your local police department so they know the situation before a crisis occurs is a very good idea. It will tend to help you keep your resolve when you really start missing him.

Or he pulls the inevitable "calf in a rainstorm" on you. Generally when adult-children can not get their way by bullying they sometimes resort to sysmpathy showing up in bad weather, right before a holiday, or when they are injured; even if it is self inflicted. If you have gone to your local county mental health and gotten the name and number of their emergency services intake worker then you will know how to tell him to get genuine help 24/7. They have help lists and even board and cares he can live in. If he ends up in the street is is because he wants to.

I hope this is helpful. A mother always has that special power to touch a child like no other but I have found no matter how we try to be tough there is that pain that has no equal than the one we feel when our children are failing. You are doing right finding strength in your peers. You are not the first nor will you be the last. Just keep in mind when people judge you,sadly there is no escapeing that, know you are not alone and people are praying for you holding you close in the foot prints in their hearts.

Hopefully things can be worked out without having to involve the cops or courts anymore. Sounds like he's starting to realize that he has to make some changes.