not shure what to do my sister and her boyfriend broke up she has no where to go at the moment she got layed off from her job she asked me if she could stay with me my husband doesn't like her for some reason heck we all make mistakes in our life the problem is he told me if i let her stay with us he is going to leave so i am stuck not shure what to do can anyone please help me i love my husband and i love my sister i want help her but i don't want to lose my husband either even though he has hurt me in the past i have forgiven him but at the same time i can't turn my back on my sister
please help

To vague, I guess it would depend on the reasons he doesn't like her. If there have been problems in the past etc...but at the same time family is family. I personally think it is unfair that you have to choose. But I'm going out on a limb and guessing that there is other circumstances involved that you're not making us aware of....so any advice is going to be one-sides...jmo

we lived with her when we decided to move to tennessee only for a few months she met a man who didn't want to come to her place because we were there
so she asked us to leave
so we found us a place
i understand where my husband is coming from but at the same time i can't turn my back on my sister

That is a toughie. Do you have any other family or friends she could stay with while she straightens things out?

Pay for a cheap motel & keep your marriage.

It is called a "compromise".

gotta go with the husband... most the time one month turns to two and three and goes on from there creating problems. I sure your sis will find something, but your husband should be a little moreunderstanding also.

So, your sister took you and your husband into her home until
such time y'all could establish your own place? And after a few
months she asked y'all to move out because she met a man
who didn't want to come over because of y'all?

Did I get that right? If so, why is it her [ex?] beau didn't want
to come over while y'all were there? Do you think she was using
"him" as an excuse to ask y'all to leave?

Why not give her a specified window of time to stay with you?
Maybe your husband could tolerate a short time-span with her.

imho: Not wanting a relative to "camp" in your house for an undtermined amount of time is understandable, however -- threatenting to end your marriage over it sounds a bit extreme, if not a bit on the emotionally abusive side...

$.02

maybe she could found another relative or a friend to stay with for awhile.

This is probably what I would do it the same situation.

I don't like ultimatums, and would probably have her stay just to call him on it.

As far as my sister goes; I would explain the whole situation to her and see if the two of them would be willing to sit down and work it out, and possibly make compromises that would allow her to stay for an acceptable time period...

...that is if he still lived with me.

As others have said, since we don't know the entire story, we can't really give great advice. However, I can say that if your husband is willing to walk out on you simply because of this, it doesn't sound like he values your marriage very much. I've never been married, never will be married, but from what I've heard of it, you're supposed to compromise and work through things.

Unless your sister poses a great bodily threat to him or his family, or she is committing crimes that will cause him and his family grave danger, I think what he said is extreme and cruel, making you choose between him and her. A solution would be for the three of you to sit down and openly talk, set up ground rules, make her sign a contract, everyone in the house agrees to it. Give her a specific time period in which she needs to be actively looking for a job or enrolling in school, searching for her own place, and respecting the rules and boundaries of your home, maybe helping out with chores, so she's being of some use to the family.

None of this seems unreasonable to me. If she can agree to that, and holds to it, it shouldn't be a problem. If she can't, then she needs to make other arrangements. I hope this works out for you, you sincerely have my sympathy.

i tried talking to him when he came home for lunch
but he didn't want to hear it i know that my sister has issues
heck we all have issues i love my sister and i love my husband
my heart is breaking
because if i let her stay my marriage is over and if i don't and something happens to her i will have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life and that is something i don't want to have to live with i am hoping that maybe he will change his mind but i don't think he will

If he leaves, would you be able to support yourself financially?

If your sister ordered you guys out of her place AFTER first saying it was cool for you two to move there???
THAT would be my question,,,,as if SHE ordered you guys toleave because of some NEW dude she just met,,,THAT was wrong of her to do,,,and I would feel the same way as your husband about her,,,lol,BUT I would NEVER put the question to YOU,,like he has here,,its me or her,,,THATS wrong on your hubby to do as well...

IF she didn't order you guys out of her place and you both just decided to get out,,because of her new man,,,then,
I would set down and talk with him,,,tellhim YOU will NOT pick between which one to LOVE HERE,,as you love them BOTH,,,and say Hey LOK,,,she HELPED US OUT,,,and even though it didn't work out there,,,WE STILL OWE HER,,for letting us come there,,,
Then say I will give her three weeks to find something,,,then SHE WILL HAVE TO MOVE ON and OUT,,,,pLEASE HUNNY,,,DO THIS FOR ME,,,WINK
try that??????

When you married, you vowed to forsake all others, right? That means, you consider your spouse before others.
That's just my opinion.

Go with your heart.

That must have been one heck of a blow-up if he's still holding a grudge against being asked to move out. Unless there's still more to it.

I can certainly see both sides, both not personally liking ultimatums, and family, versus the spouse and possible issues if she doesn't get out within a certain time.

Good luck.

In our family it's blood

blood comes before anything

including all boyfriends,husbands,etc!!

And they know it!

don't be like your sister, don't choose the penis over blood, besides if your husband was family oriented he'd understand this, a man should be loyal to his wife, in love you accept who she is and all that that entails. Nobody should be forced to choose between family.....help him pack, and then ask yourself if he'd leave me over something so trivial is he worth it, I mean seriously, sounds like a control freak to me....good luck with whatever you decide...