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| Topic: Why does it have to lead to something other than friendship? | |
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I fail to see what the problem is; several women on here have indicated they wouldn't mind being friends with you. Obviously other women in real life wouldn't mind being friends with you. My suggestion is to find those people and strike up a conversation that leads to friendship- problem solved. You're never going to convince everyone to agree with you, so to keep trying is an utter waste of your time. Kind of like the old saying "You can please some of the people sometime but.......ya can't please all of them all of the time.... Or "Your beating a dead horse" ..... Which ever it is as long as your honest with others you shall find what you seek................ |
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I fail to see what the problem is; several women on here have indicated they wouldn't mind being friends with you. Obviously other women in real life wouldn't mind being friends with you. My suggestion is to find those people and strike up a conversation that leads to friendship- problem solved. You're never going to convince everyone to agree with you, so to keep trying is an utter waste of your time. Kind of like the old saying "You can please some of the people sometime but.......ya can't please all of them all of the time.... Or "Your beating a dead horse" ..... Which ever it is as long as your honest with others you shall find what you seek................ Exactly. 
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I fail to see what the problem is; several women on here have indicated they wouldn't mind being friends with you. Obviously other women in real life wouldn't mind being friends with you. My suggestion is to find those people and strike up a conversation that leads to friendship- problem solved. You're never going to convince everyone to agree with you, so to keep trying is an utter waste of your time. Your point is well taken and I wanted to send you a message yesterday following what you said about guys only wnting to ....you. The fact that I lied when I we wrote married to please the forum when I am divorced stopped me from emailing you, so I will say this, I am sorry that the only men in your life only wanted to see that one side of you. You must be a lovely girl and you do deserve better that that! As for physically making friends on the sight I don't know how, or which button to press, I know what is obvious for one might not be for all On each person's profile there is an add friend button. Click it and if they want to be friends with you, they will accept. Several women in this thread have indicated they don't see anything wrong with what you're looking for, Singmesweet and Xenomorpheyez, and I forget who else, but you can check the comments to see. As I said, I don't see the point in being friends with a married man or even one who is living with a girlfriend, and I have my own personal reasons for that, which I choose not to share, but that's just my point of view. As someone else said, I don't speak for every woman, nor would I ever try to. I am unique, and I never want to be like anyone else. My point is, there are many different types of people in the world, and not everyone thinks the same, you can't decide all women think this, or all men think that, even a small sampling of women here who might agree with you can't speak for an entire gender. The trick is to find those who view the world as you do and try to establish a connection with them, not try to force your views upon others, who either can't or choose not to see your point. Thanks for your comment, that's nice of you. I wish you good luck finding whatever it is you seek. 
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On each person's profile there is an add friend button. Click it and if they want to be friends with you, they will accept. Several women in this thread have indicated they don't see anything wrong with what you're looking for, Singmesweet and Xenomorpheyez, and I forget who else, but you can check the comments to see. Well...I said it was okay to be friends with the opposite sex...I did not mean that I want to be friends with ALL of the opposite sex. 
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On each person's profile there is an add friend button. Click it and if they want to be friends with you, they will accept. Several women in this thread have indicated they don't see anything wrong with what you're looking for, Singmesweet and Xenomorpheyez, and I forget who else, but you can check the comments to see. Well...I said it was okay to be friends with the opposite sex...I did not mean that I want to be friends with ALL of the opposite sex.
Ha, you know what I mean, silly girl. 
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I don't see the big deal, he's just looking for friends. There is nothing wrong with that, and whatever his profile heading says in his OP he just said he was looking for friends he did not say looking for female friends only.
He is just looking for someone to chat with and play internet chess with, theres no harm in that, it's not like he's asking for friends to do the horizontal mambo with him lol. 
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Actually this site is considered a Social Site as well even though many try to make it a Dating Site Only it is not and has never been just that. This site was created for all no matter what sexually preference they have nor if they are here strictly for friendship as well. But at times those that are here strictly for dating and sees others that are here and married or with someone they automatically assume they are here to cheat on their partner. So if one does not make it clear within their profile who's fault is it but the one that created the profile. One always needs to make it very clear what they are here for from the beginning. I have no problem with just having friends and have made several since I have been here that we are strictly friends only. What bothers me are those that do have a partner and disrespects that bond and are actually on sites to find someone else. Even though this site is for all it is still consider a Dating Site as well. So one must be very clear if they are not here for that as well..... 
Thank you for stating this. And personally speaking, If in a serious relationship., married or not, why are people seeking 'friends' of the opposite sex to begin with? Those to me are the little 'red flags' that another thread was posted about. As a society on the whole, things always happen that never were meant to, and people blame it on the heat of the moment, we had a few drinks, it was just a kiss, etc. Sounds very old fashioned yet marriages fall apart these days as soon as they're created because it's just so okay to have good friends with the opposite gender. Why aren't we putting the same energy we have for a new friendship into the ones we have made already? We're such a instant grad world, that as soon as things get a little hard...off we go to find someone who 'understands' us. We all goof around here, and call people our friends... most are in other states, and it's all on paper- as they used to say, yet friends really is a word, to me, that we know each other, have been through lifes times and made it through to the otherside. that's pretty hard to do on a computer. Close acquaintences would seem more appropriate. If it gets to phone calls more than a couple of times a year and regular meetings then it's friends. These are just my thoughts about it, and am not saying this is how it is. So when a person is on herewho is in a commited relationship and say they are looking for friends of the opposite...especially if they are new and haven't been on here for years....then i really wonder. It's not a judgement call I just wonder. Okay...thats my rant for today 
(actually my 2nd- 3 more days and then 3 days off  . will try to be quiet until then .
When you're in a relationship, do you stop making friends all together? Do you stop being friends with those who are men? I think a bigger red flag would be if someone I was dating wanted me to stop being friends with men. That's a bit too controlling to me. No, I don't stop making acquaintenances. I'm not a controlling person, but you wouldn't know that unless you got to know me. What I wrote wasn't a judgement, and I just wondered. Anytime I've met men and we start to be friends- in person- the q has at one time or another- come up. or suggestion. Being from a different era, and the 70's were pretty wild, we just had a repsect that if a guy was seriously involved there was a no touch and minimal flirting. If a married guy or one in a serious relationship was on here and he wanted to meet up with you in person, would you go? I wonder about the ratio of women vs. men here that are in relationshps, thats all sweetie, JMO.
And I've seen a marriage fall apart, because 2 people were just talking, they decided to meet, she was in deep...left her husband for this guy and after 3 months...that fell apart and she was left with nothing after a 23 yr. marriage. Just experience speaking. |
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Edited by
Mclintock45
on
Fri 01/01/10 07:34 AM
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Once again thank you all for the kind and not so kind words that were said on their forum. I would like to thank Folief for his comments, I do love to talk to women but the only people I play chess with are men, it would be fun to match wits with a lady for a change. I would also like to thank Calleigh for setting me straight, Xenomorphez for ..well being herself, Singmesweet for her two cents, Seamac for making me laugh and Shasta for stating facts that are sometimes very a propos, (and unless you are really sincere and true to yourself and your better half you don’t go meet anyone), basically everyone who participated.
So I wish all of you A Happy New Year and remember: New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. lol |
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I fail to see what the problem is; several women on here have indicated they wouldn't mind being friends with you. Obviously other women in real life wouldn't mind being friends with you. My suggestion is to find those people and strike up a conversation that leads to friendship- problem solved. You're never going to convince everyone to agree with you, so to keep trying is an utter waste of your time. Kind of like the old saying "You can please some of the people sometime but.......ya can't please all of them all of the time.... Or "Your beating a dead horse" ..... Which ever it is as long as your honest with others you shall find what you seek................ why would you beat a dead horse?if it's dead,it's not going to do what you tell it too,no matter what.... oh....wait....i get it,nevermind..... 
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My husband had several friendships with women while we were married. He had sex with at least 3 of them that I know of.
No, I don't think people of the opposite sex can be "just friends" for very long. But, that's just my opinion. |
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Edited by
Mclintock45
on
Sat 01/02/10 11:07 AM
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My husband had several friendships with women while we were married. He had sex with at least 3 of them that I know of. No, I don't think people of the opposite sex can be "just friends" for very long. But, that's just my opinion. My dear Ruth, I am very sorry that this happened to you, most women in your case deserve better. Unfortunately in some cases (maybe even most cases) you may be right but there is always an exception to every rule. The way I read your post you simply want to warn and reason the forum, this based on your own experience and that’s ok. But as the man once said keeping score of old scores and scars, considering to getting even, can and might make a person less than she or he is. I saw your profile, you are a lovely women, (that picture with your legs cross in the light bleu dress, nicely provocative) so you can keep on smiling and trust that some of us are what they seem to be. I guess you are what you seem to be aren’t you? |
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Actually this site is considered a Social Site as well even though many try to make it a Dating Site Only it is not and has never been just that. This site was created for all no matter what sexually preference they have nor if they are here strictly for friendship as well. But at times those that are here strictly for dating and sees others that are here and married or with someone they automatically assume they are here to cheat on their partner. So if one does not make it clear within their profile who's fault is it but the one that created the profile. One always needs to make it very clear what they are here for from the beginning. I have no problem with just having friends and have made several since I have been here that we are strictly friends only. What bothers me are those that do have a partner and disrespects that bond and are actually on sites to find someone else. Even though this site is for all it is still consider a Dating Site as well. So one must be very clear if they are not here for that as well.....
Thank you for stating this. And personally speaking, If in a serious relationship., married or not, why are people seeking 'friends' of the opposite sex to begin with? Those to me are the little 'red flags' that another thread was posted about. As a society on the whole, things always happen that never were meant to, and people blame it on the heat of the moment, we had a few drinks, it was just a kiss, etc. Sounds very old fashioned yet marriages fall apart these days as soon as they're created because it's just so okay to have good friends with the opposite gender. Why aren't we putting the same energy we have for a new friendship into the ones we have made already? We're such a instant grad world, that as soon as things get a little hard...off we go to find someone who 'understands' us. We all goof around here, and call people our friends... most are in other states, and it's all on paper- as they used to say, yet friends really is a word, to me, that we know each other, have been through lifes times and made it through to the otherside. that's pretty hard to do on a computer. Close acquaintences would seem more appropriate. If it gets to phone calls more than a couple of times a year and regular meetings then it's friends. These are just my thoughts about it, and am not saying this is how it is. So when a person is on herewho is in a commited relationship and say they are looking for friends of the opposite...especially if they are new and haven't been on here for years....then i really wonder. It's not a judgement call I just wonder. Okay...thats my rant for today
(actually my 2nd- 3 more days and then 3 days off . will try to be quiet until then .
When you're in a relationship, do you stop making friends all together? Do you stop being friends with those who are men? I think a bigger red flag would be if someone I was dating wanted me to stop being friends with men. That's a bit too controlling to me. No, I don't stop making acquaintenances. I'm not a controlling person, but you wouldn't know that unless you got to know me. What I wrote wasn't a judgement, and I just wondered. Anytime I've met men and we start to be friends- in person- the q has at one time or another- come up. or suggestion. Being from a different era, and the 70's were pretty wild, we just had a repsect that if a guy was seriously involved there was a no touch and minimal flirting. If a married guy or one in a serious relationship was on here and he wanted to meet up with you in person, would you go? I wonder about the ratio of women vs. men here that are in relationshps, thats all sweetie, JMO.
And I've seen a marriage fall apart, because 2 people were just talking, they decided to meet, she was in deep...left her husband for this guy and after 3 months...that fell apart and she was left with nothing after a 23 yr. marriage. Just experience speaking. I haven't met a married man on here that I've become friends with and wanted to meet, so I can't answer that question. However, I do have a very good friend who is married. I have spent time with him without his wife around. She was completely fine with it. Nothing wrong happened. If you were friends with someone before they were married, would you stop being friends (more than acquaintances) with them after they got married? Would you stop hanging out with them just because they got married? Just because you've seen a marriage fall apart because two people who were friends decided to be more doesn't mean all marriages will fall apart because of that. |
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Edited by
Shasta1
on
Sun 01/03/10 01:45 AM
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I hope you didn't get from what i was saying that if a friend marries, you can't be friends with them still, and that i judge all friendships with a married persons spouse as problematic, ...I just don't think a married man or woman should be going out to eat or activities with a new (or old) single person opposite of them consistantly. My ex was iniating new friendships all the time with women and developing 'friendships', going out to lunch, etc. By the time he got home, he was tired from work and fun and didn't have the energy to put quailty time into our relationship. My patience wore thin for his selfishness and self centeredness that his happiness came first. And not all his 'friends' saw it as friendhip, maybe it would lead to something more. He said he never cheated physically, yet I said but you cheated emotionally. He has since apologized a few times, and with his new spouse is much more aware of his behaviors. If this happens to you at some point, you may be able to grasp what I am saying, experience is the best teacher. (and no, that is not why we broke up, it was just a contributor that did do damage- and we are very good friends now, like we were the first ten years). Each's relationship and life is different.
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I'm sorry your ex caused such problems because of his friends. Not all men are going to be like that, though. So hopefully the next will be better.
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I'm sorry your ex caused such problems because of his friends. Not all men are going to be like that, though. So hopefully the next will be better.
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After reading some here as to the OP's question and thoughts.
It would come down to this, IF your truly just looking for friends. Then their should be no problems on here with much of anything and THIS is and ALWAYS has been a dating and friends place to meet and become friends with dating being made through some of the friendships made. As to you married, single, divorced? If YOU show your truth in your profile, YOU would never open a door to questions...as for me, THATS always been the best way to not have any others THINKING about whats missing in answers in your profile. You could say your divorced and still write down your living situration, and that your just here for friends and nothing more. Simple really... If you wanter to your header on your profile could say it all,wink.. Good luck, and welcome back.. |
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Point well taken my dear Watson, I mean my dear Iam4u and the readjustment suggested had been completed.
Cheers! and thank you. |
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