Can we look at ourselves through our exes eyes? Can we see that side?
Are the ones left "behind" in a better "position" financially,
emotionally, or spiritually?

Does your ex have nothing but hatred for you? If so...why? If not...why?

I personally would invite any future interest of mine to contact any one
of my exes to ask their point of view about the type of man that I
am...and how much of myself I put into that particular relationship.

I am on a friendly basis with them...however they are part of my
past...and that is where they stay...in other words, if I see them in
public...it would be a short and polite conversation with genuine
concern on how they are and how life is treating them...however, I would
not "hang" out with them either...

Is this an unhealthy way to be...or just unusual? Most posts that I have
read seem to place much negativity on the "ex"...I however, do not hold
onto negativity for very long...I have never been able to hold a
grudge...

Looking for all thoughts and opinions...please.

I don't have a problem with my ex. What happen in the past was finally
worked out we do see each once in a while and always very pleasant to
each other we actually laugh and joke with each other. The past is the
past. Over and done with. What happen happen.

My 'ex'..partner, and I are the best of friends, so ummm yep, ask him
for references.. I guess because we have always been friends,
nothing has changed except, the romantic, sexual, part of the
relationship.

Am I a better person, for having had the relationship I did with him?
Yes.

Am I better than him? Nope.

AM I better off with out him? I am not without his friendship, so
nothing has changed.

As to the father of my children, I don't know if he hates me, I don't
even know if he is alive...we haven't heard anything from him for 7
years...stepped on a plane to Canada, to start a new life..and never
heard from him again.

Who am I now, compared to the person I was then?

I feel I have grown a whole lot more, and have 'honed' and refined the
me that I am.

Do I have hatred for him? Nope, I wish him well, and he did what he
needed to do for him.

A hard one Michael, I can't answer for the father of my children, as we
have never had opportunity, to 'debrief' our relationship...and find the
gems in it.

I don't know if this is 'normal' or unusual, I have no animosity for any
of my exs, even one who took what was not his to take, in violence, I
only saw him as ill, and needed some serious counselling.

I don't have a problem with my ex either. He's been out of my life for
over 11 years haven't see or heard from him. Only complaint I would have
is he doesn't want to know his son and it's his loss cause he's a great
kid!! If he did come around he probably woulkd break the little guys
heart cause he would not keep coming.

Thank you Tx...and Lee...

I personally would place value in someone who has an ex that has moved
on with their life, and would have positive things to say about that
person...it would indicate good communication to me...There are always
circumstances in which this may not be as easy as others...

I would not consider myself better than anyone...Lee, perhaps that was a
poor choice of words for me...lol...I meant are those exes a more
complete person...did they walk away being more complete...or content
within maybe...I have a hard time finding the concise and accurate
words...lol...

After my younger daughter came to live with me her mother cut herself
out of her life completely. Can't say that my ex is better off, she
struggled with depression for many years. Some people have to help
themselves. Her attitude was always support me while I shred you and if
you leave me I'll just die and drag the kids down with me rather than
make a life. At least now almost two years later she has a job.

No I am great friends with my ex and i adore his wife......


I am so appreciative she married him


phew********


we attend all my daughters functions together just the introductions are
hard lol.


um this is my wife this is my ex...etc..

I do get along with her now, i guess we grow up, but yes, the marriage
end in the bad way, but we have talk and we get along well.




Izzy

hey izzy

Creative....

My first EX, I talk to him all the time, he is the father of my sons. He
is a great guy, just could not live with him anymore. He had a lot of
problems that he needed to deal with and has after all this time, but
could never go back with him. I know him 30 years this year....a long
time.

My future EX ( divorce whould be final in 3 months ) we talk, and things
are ok between us. He would blame the divorce on me, but he was not
willing to compromise and did not consider my feelings on alot of
different issues. All I say is that he calls me....much more than I call
him. I'm not sure how I feel about all of his phone calls, but we are
cordial to one another and civil when we see each other.

Beleive me, I did not think....that I would be leaving ANOTHER marriage
at this stage of my life. I definately "settled" this time around....and
I should have felt better about myself and treated myself with more
respect...and NOT married him

No, but I did beter me & my son.
Nasty, nasty divorce, even the court ordered counselor said "No future."
We made a baby, in high school, she was a junior.
38 yrs later, she is still BLAMING me for getting her pregnant & ruining
her life. Still feels I OWE her. Thought it took two. Son's house for
last xmas, she explained to son's friends how I ruined her life. Son
had to ask her to drop subject. Been divorced since 1983. Really feel
sorry for her; lonely, bitter woman. She did remarry but he died a few
yrs ago.

My ex and I get along well cause shes remarried and we hardly ever see
each other. We decided after the divorce was no need to fight, thats why
we got divorced, she still sees my folks, which is great and now that my
kids are all grown we have nothing to argue about!!

I have grown a tremendous amount merely by stepping outside myself and
honestly listening to and trying my best to understand other people's
perspectives in life and love...including my exes...

The world looks different only when one can look at it differently...

The exes can provide a wonderful insight to one's self
sometimes...lol...depending on how accurately they "see"...There are
always the exceptions....

While I don't exactly have the warm fuzzies for my ex (otherwise he
wouldn't be my ex) I don't exactly hate him either. He is a decent guy,
but we just didn't have the same long term goals and values. Live and
let live and move on, that's my motto. :)

My ex hates me. Why? Because I have the kids.

Me. I'd just as soon she stays gone. Why? Because she is the one who
destroyed what we had.

I think I'm gonna skip this question... Meeting new people and talking
about ex's just seems like a bad mix to me...

Did I better my ex?? Yes. He was alcoholic, and smoked, was violent,
and an absentee parent. He couldn't hold on to a steady job because of
his drinking and fighting.

I don't drink, don't smoke, don't intentionally hurt people, and raised
my daughter by myself since she was 5 y/o without any child support
because he wouldn't pay. He told me I was worthless and couldn't get a
job - wrong. I worked in the prison system (for 17 years) and was
secretary to an associate superintendentent for 9 years and
superintendent of a prison for 4-1/2 before I quit, he couldn't hold on
to a job.

We had a rocky relationship before he died because he was a compulsive
liar, would call our daughter and promise her all kinds of things and
not follow through, was a very dangerous man. Were we friends - NO,
could never be friends, but was afraid of him and what he was capable
of.

He drank himself to death at the age of 45, I am still alive. So did I
better him??? I would say yes!! Even had to help pay for his funeral.

Sorry if this sounded arrogant, didn't mean it to, just stating the
facts.

This was merely an exercise in self-examination...stepping outside of
yourself to see "you" from a different perspective...

If one's ex can say good things about you...or if both are better people
because of the relationship...then would that not be a success...in some
way, even though it did not work out in the long run?

Of course there are some situations which could not begin to be used as
a good example of "adding" to each other...I just wondered who could say
that they have grown better as a person as a result of their
relationship...and would the view be so kind through the other's eyes.

I believe Im a better person after the divorce if for no other reason it
opened my eyes to my faults, weaknesses and assets!

Oh nono, I didn't say it was a bad topic in general, just bad for me