ok, here is the situation,
my 5 yr olds"dad" left when I was pregnant with our son. We were never married. He has now in the last 5 months(one weekend a month, no overnights) has come up to see "our" son...just this year establihed child support so it was all brought through the courts. This last weekend he flew in from TN(thats where he lives) and got a hotel room and was to spend time with our son. He went trick or treating with me and our son and then when it was his time to see our son, he invited me to go along. Went to the mall and he was so polite and nice to me. He bought me a couple things and I didnt even ask. He wanted me to stay at the hotel room even with him with our son(there was an extra bed) and he seemed disappointed when I declined to. He asked me to go along to eat out(both days) and go to chuckie cheese with them...he would sit near me to help me on my puter and was joking and having fun like it was years ago...when I asked him why he was being nice to me, he seemed almost offended. He kept asking me if I wanted anything...to drink eat, ect....even to go getme ice water. When I thanked him for allowing me to be there during "his" time with our son , he said anythime, this is the way it should be. He never gave any indication of being together, as I know it isnt what he wants , but in not spending time with him in so many yrs it scared me, yet made me sad at the same time. (He was abusive last time I saw him when we were together)
Am I just being paranoid or what??

Sounds like maybe he managed to grow up a bit in the last few years.

Keep a close eye on the situation, but don't look a gift horse in the mouth either. Don't push things with questions like " Why are you being nice ". Just accept the fact that he IS being nice. It may or may not last, but for the time being, just go with it.

No he just wanted to get laid.. been doing this for 12 years now..


Im sure he was nice when you first met too.


You dont need stupid gifts. Youve been living THIS long without him.


Abusers dont just stop abusing.


Just keep on ignoring him.

I understand what you are saying, but no, it wasnt like that at all

I concur.

Sounds like he's decided you and he can be friends, since you share a child together.

Actually, I will agree with what earthly is saying...to an extent. I do feel people can change. It is rare, but it can happen. But at the same time, you have to see that he could be setting you up for a letdown. Now, he obviously is trying to do right by his son, and I am sure he does have a longing for you. But, when you mentioned that he was disappointed when you declined to stay at the hotel, my first thought was that he was hoping to maybe get a little intimate with you. Not sex, cause your son was there. But he was hoping to keep connecting.

Yes, he might have grown up, and he wanted to show you he had. And, perhaps he realizes he missed out on a great thing with you, because of his past actions. But, it is easy to be nice when you are trying so hard to show that you are. What happens if you let him back in and he gets mad? There is a high probability that he could revert to his old self.


I think you have to just be cautious with him, and watch the things he does and says. If any red flags come up, then you know that he is not being sincere. If he really wants to mend things with you, and take care of his son, then he will stick with that. But if all of this is to just win you back, then his true colors will show.

Watch what he does, as opposed to what he says he is going to do.

Are his actions consistent over time?
Is he putting the needs of the child first?

Wait and see.

Good Luck