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| Topic: Rubble | |
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Edited by
tngxl65
on
Mon 11/02/09 11:24 AM
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I wade through the rubble of broken dreams
lacking resolve to walk away sitting and struggling to see what it means when rivers of hope become barren streams without the strength to move on today Trying again to move on my own pulled back by the ghosts of the crumbled frame where my heart remains buried beneath the stone and I fear less the ruins than I do the unknown no matter the path it hurts just the same |
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The I wade through the rubble of broken dreams
^improper English, did you mean tho' it's obvious that you have the talent and the mind set for the craft of poetry, therefore learn to limit the overusage of "I', one can gather it being first person by the initial opening and thus the continuation only makes it a filler and juvenile. Even still, I enjoyed it, it's just a huge pet peeve of mine, and could make you a far better writer without using it so much |
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The I wade through the rubble of broken dreams ^improper English, did you mean tho' it's obvious that you have the talent and the mind set for the craft of poetry, therefore learn to limit the overusage of "I', one can gather it being first person by the initial opening and thus the continuation only makes it a filler and juvenile. Even still, I enjoyed it, it's just a huge pet peeve of mine, and could make you a far better writer without using it so much Not sure where the 'The' came from. Certainly wasn't intended. |
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I certainly relate to this-you expressed it quite nicely-particularly this line
"and I fear less the ruins than I do the unknown" 
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I wade through the rubble of broken dreams lacking resolve to walk away sitting and struggling to see what it means when rivers of hope become barren streams without the strength to move on today Trying again to move on my own pulled back by the ghosts of the crumbled frame where my heart remains buried beneath the stone and I fear less the ruins than I do the unknown no matter the path it hurts just the same Very impressed with your work... 
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I certainly relate to this-you expressed it quite nicely-particularly this line "and I fear less the ruins than I do the unknown" That's very kind, thank you.
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I wade through the rubble of broken dreams lacking resolve to walk away sitting and struggling to see what it means when rivers of hope become barren streams without the strength to move on today Trying again to move on my own pulled back by the ghosts of the crumbled frame where my heart remains buried beneath the stone and I fear less the ruins than I do the unknown no matter the path it hurts just the same Very impressed with your work... And thank you as well
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very good write as I can relate
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I wade through the rubble of broken dreams lacking resolve to walk away sitting and struggling to see what it means when rivers of hope become barren streams without the strength to move on today Trying again to move on my own pulled back by the ghosts of the crumbled frame where my heart remains buried beneath the stone and I fear less the ruins than I do the unknown no matter the path it hurts just the same We must keep on moving, or we shall always just be.  Nice write, and a hard walk,,,good luck.
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The I wade through the rubble of broken dreams ^improper English, did you mean tho' it's obvious that you have the talent and the mind set for the craft of poetry, therefore learn to limit the overusage of "I', one can gather it being first person by the initial opening and thus the continuation only makes it a filler and juvenile. Even still, I enjoyed it, it's just a huge pet peeve of mine, and could make you a far better writer without using it so much Listen to the Huckleberry! he,s got good advice? like it! |
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