downtown philly..middle of the night
standing on the balcony making wishes on city lights

the rain is pouring down
its cleanses is what im told
i let the droplets hit my face
in hopes to cleanse this dirty soul

standing in the middle of a city
based on pure brotherly love
yet i am all alone
wondering why i am never good enough

the clock on the calvary temple church strikes midnight
and the few bystanders start to stray away
and just like this heart of mine
tonight the skies are cold and gray

a storm is moving in
the wind begins to increase
tonight ill be weathering my own storm
whether to continue to move on, or to join the deceased

Hey beautiful

Great write

But hope ya really don't feel this way!

This would be a beautiful first line in a short story.

(Not say that this piece is wonderful, but these first two lines are a perfect jumping off place for a story...)

nah, just thinking outloud ya know..thanks

maybe ill run with that idea...and see what becomes of it..thank you for the suggestion.

Actually, after reading this over a couple of times...if you fleshed out the whole thing you'd have a pretty interesting story. Your poem reads somewhat like an outline. You could keep true to the poetry of the piece but add in some structuring and dialogue...and voila.

i'm not such a great writer...and def not a poet by any means...so any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

I'll tell you the same thing I tell my Creative Writing students...everyone is a writer. Let's put this into a bad analogy, shall we? Let's consider any piece of work a rock. And in order to bring out the beauty in some rocks we have to tumble them for hours and polish them. Sometimes we even have to have other people lend a hand in polishing them in order to bring out their natural beauty. Other rocks are beautiful with a few rough spots, a jagged edge...Writing is the same way.

Don't sell yourself short. This piece is beautiful just as it stands...with a little polishing or reworking it could really be something to be proud of and say..."Hey, I'm a poet."

maybe i should enroll...

A creative writing class really helps you pinpoint your strengths as well as your weaknesses and a good teacher/professor can help you work on both. And a lot of communities (and public libraries) offer free creative writing classes/seminars/workshops...you should look around and see what's being offered in your area.

Very nice !

thanks sweets