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| Topic: How do you cool a woman down? | |
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She's movin from Texas to California and we've moved past that dating phase. She lives about 90 miles from me for about 16 more hours, so we tried living together as a fun expieriment for about a week. Honestly I think she's a lot more into me than I am into her. When she told me that she loved me I told her I was worried she was on the rebound, and that once she got to California there would be all kinds of men to meet and that she would forget all about me. With all due respect, what are you thinking? 
Do you see the train barreling down the track towards you? Get out of the way! You asked for advice -- and got wonderful common sense replies -- but you are making excuses and trying to justify your situation. Why not take some of this advice? Stop being a doormat! You seem to be a glutton for punishment. You are the oldest EMO kid I’ve ever seen!  
Please do not refer to me as an EMO. My ex-mistress was an emo and I thought the music,and fashion, as well as the very idea is gay as hell. I just want to be able to maintain the whole "cool being friends" since we are great as friends and try not break her heart. Her Husband died less than a year ago and I really don't want to drive her into a deeper state of depression EMO is a modern term for "whiner". I can't put it any nicer. If you want to change the way people perceive you, take charge of your life. I meant not disrespect, I was only trying to be playful -- seriously though. You are not making smart choices. So I wanted to get laid by somebody I liked for a moment. O.K. maybe not the wisest decision, but I am trying to extract myself from the sticky situation. How does me not wanting to crush a widow make me a whiner Melody? If you can answer that, I'm gonna start calling you Knowledge. |
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Melody......how many people do you know that will settle for the most horrendous disaster, simply because it is presented to them, when they are in a very vulnerable place? Lee, I really don't understand the magnitude of not being in charge of one's life. I have no empathy, sympathy or association to this in any way. I’ve always shut the door on dependent people. 
All I can do is try tough love and wish him well but I am not one to sooth, coddle and say “it’s OK” when it’s not Ok. Snuff -- good luck 
Hahahaha ...and I am? LMAO! I am tough love in motion.... however.... I can empathise.... I can feel the vulnerability... I work with people in Snuff's place he finds himself in... he is asking for guidance, possibly a little strength, when he is aware of how vulnerable he is.... it is so easy to collapse back into dependency, to conning yourself, lying to yourself.... Snuffs has put himself out there to be admonished.... by posting this thread.... it takes a while to get your equilibrium, when you are first clean... it's a new and raw skin you have to learn to fit. You are a wonderful person Lee! 
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Edited by
Jess642
on
Mon 10/19/09 08:25 PM
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So I wanted to get laid by somebody I liked for a moment. O.K. maybe not the wisest decision, but I am trying to extract myself from the sticky situation. How does me not wanting to crush a widow make me a whiner Melody? If you can answer that, I'm gonna start calling you Knowledge. Snuffs...... what did you learn at rehab? What is one of the first tools you are given? To learn to refuse instant gratification? Ok... so you blew it...now step up to the plate, and ring this woman.... and share with her, your remorse, at allowing both of you to collapse back into the instant gratification game. Share with her that you are serious about becoming WHOLE again, and for that reason ONLY you must refuse to see her again for a year.... set a date next year Oct 19th, to meet, to have dinner, and an outing, and a debrief of what your year has been like.... make it a celebration. If you are not serious about wanting a WHOLE life.... then you won't. My challenge to you.... Are you MAN enough? |
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I don't want to be alone for a whole year. I'm definetely not saying I want to be with her, but I don't want to be lonely for that long. Drugs took the place in my life where a serious relationship should have been and now I want to settle down. I just don't know who with. You can call me a whiner or emo for feeling that way, but that's where I sit. A year all alone sounds like a year of misery to me.
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hmm. much i have considered. In the frailness of weakness and secluded in the darkness as u seek the light for reconciliation . As the Phoenix represented death-and rebirth a new so did u both unconsciously did. A new birth a new strength , not one that is fortifies with the vesture of emotions but one that when the veil of darkness is lifted u realize your true strength, your true nature through rehabilitation through the parallels of the rebirth of the phoenix. whittle not yourself in your new form with the residual energy of the weakness that drove you to the parallel of the phoenix
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You seem like a nice guy--I said it before and I'll say it again--Find a woman that has never used drugs!!--Much better But if you want to stay with this one, don't wear that shirt if she was an acid user!
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She's movin from Texas to California and we've moved past that dating phase. She lives about 90 miles from me for about 16 more hours, so we tried living together as a fun expieriment for about a week. Honestly I think she's a lot more into me than I am into her. When she told me that she loved me I told her I was worried she was on the rebound, and that once she got to California there would be all kinds of men to meet and that she would forget all about me. With all due respect, what are you thinking?
Do you see the train barreling down the track towards you? Get out of the way! You asked for advice -- and got wonderful common sense replies -- but you are making excuses and trying to justify your situation. Why not take some of this advice? Stop being a doormat! You seem to be a glutton for punishment. You are the oldest EMO kid I’ve ever seen!
Please do not refer to me as an EMO. My ex-mistress was an emo and I thought the music,and fashion, as well as the very idea is gay as hell. I just want to be able to maintain the whole "cool being friends" since we are great as friends and try not break her heart. Her Husband died less than a year ago and I really don't want to drive her into a deeper state of depression EMO is a modern term for "whiner". I can't put it any nicer. If you want to change the way people perceive you, take charge of your life. I meant not disrespect, I was only trying to be playful -- seriously though. You are not making smart choices. So I wanted to get laid by somebody I liked for a moment. O.K. maybe not the wisest decision, but I am trying to extract myself from the sticky situation. How does me not wanting to crush a widow make me a whiner Melody? If you can answer that, I'm gonna start calling you Knowledge. Snuff, I can answer you but not necessarily to your satisfaction. I also don't need you to call me "Knowledge" or anything else. I don't need your validation. I referred to you as EMO/whiner because you constantly post "beat me up" threads. Some may be in jest but it gets old. Since you have now admitted that you used her for your own selfish reasons, I really don't have nice thoughts about you. I think you took advantage of her weakness. I no longer think of you as weak but as a predator of sorts. Pull up your big boy pants and make better decisions. I realize it's nice to have a sounding board like Mingle but stand on your own once in a while too. Take my comments as respectful even though I a stated them with conviction. 
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I don't want to be alone for a whole year. I'm definetely not saying I want to be with her, but I don't want to be lonely for that long. Drugs took the place in my life where a serious relationship should have been and now I want to settle down. I just don't know who with. You can call me a whiner or emo for feeling that way, but that's where I sit. A year all alone sounds like a year of misery to me. And that, Snufs is exactly why you should not get involved with someone. Until you can learn to like yourself enough to NOT be miserable alone, you will find no more peace when you are WITH someone than you do when you aren't. |
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She's movin from Texas to California and we've moved past that dating phase. She lives about 90 miles from me for about 16 more hours, so we tried living together as a fun expieriment for about a week. Honestly I think she's a lot more into me than I am into her. When she told me that she loved me I told her I was worried she was on the rebound, and that once she got to California there would be all kinds of men to meet and that she would forget all about me. With all due respect, what are you thinking?
Do you see the train barreling down the track towards you? Get out of the way! You asked for advice -- and got wonderful common sense replies -- but you are making excuses and trying to justify your situation. Why not take some of this advice? Stop being a doormat! You seem to be a glutton for punishment. You are the oldest EMO kid I’ve ever seen!
Please do not refer to me as an EMO. My ex-mistress was an emo and I thought the music,and fashion, as well as the very idea is gay as hell. I just want to be able to maintain the whole "cool being friends" since we are great as friends and try not break her heart. Her Husband died less than a year ago and I really don't want to drive her into a deeper state of depression EMO is a modern term for "whiner". I can't put it any nicer. If you want to change the way people perceive you, take charge of your life. I meant not disrespect, I was only trying to be playful -- seriously though. You are not making smart choices. So I wanted to get laid by somebody I liked for a moment. O.K. maybe not the wisest decision, but I am trying to extract myself from the sticky situation. How does me not wanting to crush a widow make me a whiner Melody? If you can answer that, I'm gonna start calling you Knowledge. Snuff, I can answer you but not necessarily to your satisfaction. I also don't need you to call me "Knowledge" or anything else. I don't need your validation. I referred to you as EMO/whiner because you constantly post "beat me up" threads. Some may be in jest but it gets old. Since you have now admitted that you used her for your own selfish reasons, I really don't have nice thoughts about you. I think you took advantage of her weakness. I no longer think of you as weak but as a predator of sorts. Pull up your big boy pants and make better decisions. I realize it's nice to have a sounding board like Mingle but stand on your own once in a while too. Take my comments as respectful even though I a stated them with conviction.
WOW!!! That was great!!!--Where were you when i was a young guy looking for a woman I could respect!! 
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She's movin from Texas to California and we've moved past that dating phase. She lives about 90 miles from me for about 16 more hours, so we tried living together as a fun expieriment for about a week. Honestly I think she's a lot more into me than I am into her. When she told me that she loved me I told her I was worried she was on the rebound, and that once she got to California there would be all kinds of men to meet and that she would forget all about me. With all due respect, what are you thinking?
Do you see the train barreling down the track towards you? Get out of the way! You asked for advice -- and got wonderful common sense replies -- but you are making excuses and trying to justify your situation. Why not take some of this advice? Stop being a doormat! You seem to be a glutton for punishment. You are the oldest EMO kid I’ve ever seen!
Please do not refer to me as an EMO. My ex-mistress was an emo and I thought the music,and fashion, as well as the very idea is gay as hell. I just want to be able to maintain the whole "cool being friends" since we are great as friends and try not break her heart. Her Husband died less than a year ago and I really don't want to drive her into a deeper state of depression EMO is a modern term for "whiner". I can't put it any nicer. If you want to change the way people perceive you, take charge of your life. I meant not disrespect, I was only trying to be playful -- seriously though. You are not making smart choices. So I wanted to get laid by somebody I liked for a moment. O.K. maybe not the wisest decision, but I am trying to extract myself from the sticky situation. How does me not wanting to crush a widow make me a whiner Melody? If you can answer that, I'm gonna start calling you Knowledge. Snuff, I can answer you but not necessarily to your satisfaction. I also don't need you to call me "Knowledge" or anything else. I don't need your validation. I referred to you as EMO/whiner because you constantly post "beat me up" threads. Some may be in jest but it gets old. Since you have now admitted that you used her for your own selfish reasons, I really don't have nice thoughts about you. I think you took advantage of her weakness. I no longer think of you as weak but as a predator of sorts. Pull up your big boy pants and make better decisions. I realize it's nice to have a sounding board like Mingle but stand on your own once in a while too. Take my comments as respectful even though I a stated them with conviction.
WOW!!! That was great!!!--Where were you when i was a young guy looking for a woman I could respect!!
Ummmm, I was busy learning to be the kind of woman you could respect?   Thank you
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I know I shouldn't date junkies, but what I'm looking for is a way to save her emotions over the phone You should have thought of that before you played at being room mates and then had another sexual rendevous that only met your needs knowing her emotional ones were a complication. The fork in the road is going to be the one you are going to stick in her heart when you finally tell the truth. For her sake the sooner the better. I have no doubt at least part of her desire to come to California and stay in touch is because she is carrying a torch for you that is quite likely to destroy both of your sobrieties. While I am no chapter and verse proponient of AA some of their Rules make a lot of sense. I think you just trashed a big one. |
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I know I shouldn't date junkies, but what I'm looking for is a way to save her emotions over the phone You should have thought of that before you played at being room mates and then had another sexual rendevous that only met your needs knowing her emotional ones were a complication. The fork in the road is going to be the one you are going to stick in her heart when you finally tell the truth. For her sake the sooner the better. I have no doubt at least part of her desire to come to California and stay in touch is because she is carrying a torch for you that is quite likely to destroy both of your sobrieties. While I am no chapter and verse proponient of AA some of their Rules make a lot of sense. I think you just trashed a big one. (Probably not the best emoticon for THIS thread but we don't have a thumbs up one!)
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hmm. who am i to give u advice when u already know the answer.
your strength and weakness are yours and yours alone.. see u in a hundred years |
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What makes you think that any of the decisions she made weren't self motivated Knowledge?
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OHHHHH Wait a sec. I JUST read where her husband died LESS than a year ago??? YOU should have thought about that before you "wanted to get laid by somebody you liked for a moment" !!!!! You got her at a MOST vulnerable time, not to mention the entire rehab stuff. Shame
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I know I shouldn't date junkies, but what I'm looking for is a way to save her emotions over the phone You should have thought of that before you played at being room mates and then had another sexual rendevous that only met your needs knowing her emotional ones were a complication. The fork in the road is going to be the one you are going to stick in her heart when you finally tell the truth. For her sake the sooner the better. I have no doubt at least part of her desire to come to California and stay in touch is because she is carrying a torch for you that is quite likely to destroy both of your sobrieties. While I am no chapter and verse proponient of AA some of their Rules make a lot of sense. I think you just trashed a big one. Her telling me she loved me happenened AFTER the sex during the playing at roomates towards the end of the week. I didn't toy with this chick, you're beginning to make assumptions. |
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She totally came after me. I was just a willing participant.
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Edited by
auburngirl
on
Mon 10/19/09 09:13 PM
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She totally came after me. I was just a willing participant. 
Uh yes you did. You toyed with her in that she is newly widowed, that alone makes one off limits. Secondly you slept with her, she moved in for a time...if that isn't toying I don't know what is. |
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OK I'm ending this dumb thread---NOW
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My last comment is that mine was an error of naivity not malicousness, and I would not sleep with a woman if I knew it would hurt her.
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