Whoa!!!!!!!! If you are mixing up getting sex with someone as keeping yourself from being lonely then you are on a fast track for misery for sure. Sex will not make a companion out of anyone. Maybe for a few hours but not the kind of companion that will make you not be lonely.

You might want a serious relationship but your actions suggest you didn't want a relationship with this woman which also suggests you don't have the maturity to take responsibility for friendships or your sexuality. You are lucky this woman is not pregnant or exposed you to an STD with such careless choices in sexual partners. Being with and addict you are definitely asking for problems and so was she.

Drugs took a lot more from your life than where a serious relationship should have been. Drugs stunted your ability to have a relationship and you have to work on developeing those skills that you may never have had or forgot during your addiction.

Believe it or not not having sex for a year will not kill you. And won't even suggest you are gay which you seem to have a big issue about which might be a good place to do some introspection. What it will do is keep you from burning down the friendships and peer relationships you need to get a sound foundation in your sobriety. Then you might actually have a chance at not only true friends that will truely keep you from being lonely but give you an even chance at a successful relationship.

Asking for help how to tell someone you messed up not only your own life but theirs is probably not a bad idea. But taking something to and open forum, with very specific identifiers, before you take it to the parties involved shows a major level of immaturity and selfishness. I will only hope that this woman has a strong support system to help her get over being publiclly humiliated.

Yes totally willing to ignore what you have been told in treatment about fratenization, willing to ignore several of your AA tenants, willing to jump bones of someone who was not only vunerable as a recovering addict but as a widow AND a friend when you could have just said no. Nobody forced you. Least not by what you yourself admitted. This was consentual sex so you had responsibilities too.
Now you are facing the consequences. Not very heroiclly I might add.

Blameing others and passing the buck is submissive aggresive behavior that unchecked will cut you off at the knees.

The consequenses are telling a sweet girl that we don't have the proper chemistry, but our personalities go together great? Please tell me how to do that heroically..

You don't have to be a hero to be kind and honest.

Just say it honestly. There is no formula.

I agree with Pacific Star that you are still playing the "blame game". Don't sit back, make bad choices, and then say "oh well".

Isn't it recommended that one shouldn't get involved with people right out of rehab? AA/NA recommends no relationships for a year. That gives the person time to work on themselves.

This is taking time away from working on yourself. People new in recovery sometimes do that. Concentrating on other people is a distraction from working on yourself.

okey dokey

A year won't be lonely if you're attending meetings and working your steps with your sponsor and doing other NA activities. They say it's good to do 60 meeting in 60 days. There's friends to made there too.

Have you considered a half-way house or a clean house? They help keep people from being lonely that first house.

I didn't go to a 12 step hospital. They did frown on the patients hooking up after treatment, and they did suggest attending NA meetings however.

reminds me too much of a group home

Somebody I know has lived with 2 other men in recovery for the past year and a half. It's a good support system and helps him save money while he's getting back on his feet again.

He originally spent 5 weeks in a cognitive therapy rehab. Then he stayed 5 months at a 12 step half-way house. Now he has the 2 clean roommates and he'll be clean and sober for 2 years next month.

I spent a fair amount of time in a group home as a juvenile and I've never had the desire to go back. All I really want to do is not use heroin, or ecstasy, or weed, or coke. I'm one of those that the Big Book says will most likely not make it, but there's a chance and dammit I'm gonna try. I still believe that mescaline is sacred and hope that Ibogaine treatments might work.

Are you saying that having 2 roommates is a group home to you?

I had two roommates when I was young and in college.

basicly its the old 13 step debate. Let her recover man and walk away. People change a lot in recovery.

I had two roomates and all my **** got stolen.

Were they clean and sober or jerks?