Exactly, Lex. They're just pissed because they take it as a rejection of them personally. If you say you don't date men with kids, and they have kids or want kids, they get mad- "What's wrong with kids???" If you say you don't date fat men, and they're fat, they get mad- "There's nothing wrong with a bigger man, I thought all women preferred a bigger man, you're just a shallow b!tch, and it's your loss."

If you don't date certain races, and they're of that race, you're a racist and a separatist- "How can you say that, people are people, there's only one race, the human race, of course I'd date outside my race (yet they never seem to, hmmm, not sure what's up with that)."

And if you say you don't date ignorant people, uneducated people, common people, illiterates, and those who use bad spelling and grammar, and they're of that persuasion, again you're being a bad person- "Not everyone had a good education, some people are doing the best they can, he can be a great guy and not know how to communicate properly, just give him a chance." Um, yeah. No thanks, dating isn't a charity, I have no idea when it became a popular thought to date those you find undesirable, just because they "deserve it."

I'm glad you put this out there, people seem to respect your opinion, so hopefully it will do some good.

Thanks. I just don't really understand how it goes from "Here's what I want" as a simple statement of what one person finds appealing or attractive, to "You're a horrible person" just because my version of "what I want" happens not to include a particular type or types.

I can't seem to get this across to people -- but I've never said that people who drink, or people who have kids, are bad people. How could I make that kind of assumption? If you look at my friends list here, I'm pretty sure that most, if not all, of them have kids. Maybe they all drink, too, I don't really know.

But there's a huge abyss between "I don't want to date anyone who ______" as opposed to "Anyone who _________ is a bad person and is now somehow beneath my notice."

I think we all need to realize that none of us are going to have a universal appeal to the entire world. That doesn't make anybody right or wrong.

I agree, but I think most people aren't even capable of that. For some reason, so many people have become conditioned to personalize everything, whether it has anything to do with them or not. I'm not sure if this is due to arrogance, insecurity or a mixture of both. I guess it's the ego at work, when the whole world revolves around you, and anytime you can't have what you want- or when someone doesn't want you, whether you want them or not- it's like a blow to the solar plexus, and they feel this huge need to validate themselves and their choices, simply because they feel attacked.

And yes, I wish people would accept the fact that not everyone is interested in them, nor should they be; if no one had any standards or preferences in this world, it'd be even more mucked up than it already is.

Yeah, I would actually prefer that 99.99% of everybody NOT be interested in me -- there's no point, there's no common ground.

Exactly!

Within my dating experiences, there have been many "types" of guys that I've been attracted to -- that off-hand was not my "norm"; however, something about them did it for me!

I think on dating sites especially, we seem shallower because this is all on "paper" so to speak. On a computer screen the person has no animation, personality, or realism so their physical appearance is more of a precursor.

When we meet people in real-life the first time (rather than online), the chances of chemistry and the unexplained attraction has a much better success rate.

I was discussing the very same thing with someone the other day, how to get rid of the majority of my viewers, and those who have the courage (misguidance) to email me. So far it's working...crosses fingers....

I guess I jinxed myself, some weirdo just viewed me. But at least he didn't email. Maybe I shouldn't write that down????

I'm shallow, and I am fine with it.

Nothing you can really do about that, except try real hard not to think about all the other oddities that are viewing you in Stealth Mode.

Oh that made me feel tons better....

As long as they don't write me, it's all good. Well, except for that one weirdo, but he shall not be named....

It's funny, this thread seems to have really jacked up my profile views -- none of them have sent me a complaining e-mail yet, though.

Bet the inbox will be jammed with misspelled gripings tomorrow though!

I told you, people value your opinion, maybe you've finally shown them The Way. I swear, this looks really good for the new religion, proves you can change minds and affect behavior...

You know, if I really could change minds and affect behavior, I wouldn't be in this mess!

Patience Oh Great One, all good things come to those who wait. Or some such bs as that...

Apparently, you and I have radically different definitions of "good things"....!

Well, my idea of a good thing is a guy who answers my emails and doesn't mind if I use his pic as a desktop wallpaper.....

Yeah, I see your point.

It is what it is.

I've come to grips with it. I'm shallow. And superficial and judgmental and picky and overly selective and whatever else turns up in the thesaurus.

And that's OK.

I used to be one of those guys who didn't want to come across as too hung up on the physical stuff, the material stuff, the outward basics, even though those things mattered. Those things were never ALL that mattered, but they mattered to some extent, to varying degrees, and I saw how, on dating sites, people were just so DOWN on that perception.

"Shallow" meant you were bad person.

And I thought about that.

Why?

Why does knowing what you want -- and perhaps more importantly, what you DON'T want -- make you a bad person?

And then I figured it out.

Well, I had some help. A lot of people wrote me scathing notes (usually badly misspelled but often decipherable!) blasting me because I admitted I had deal-breakers, I had standards.

And all of my critics were people who wanted to give me a hard time because my deal-breakers, my standards, excluded THEM.

They weren't doing it out of any sense of fair play or equanimity or detached moral outrage -- they were doing it because they took my deal-breakers and standards as personal insults towards THEM -- people I never even knew existed until they wasted their time and bad spelling writing to me.

Well, whose problem is THAT? Not mine.

Look, I've read 4,893,218 profiles of people (men and women) claiming they want someone "decent" or "intelligent," saying "Looks don't matter" and "It's what's on the inside that counts," and I'm calling BS here.

Because, at least most of the time, it's clearly BS.

Embrace your shallowness, your superficiality. Deal with it. Don't go on pretending to be some Paragon of Virtue just because you can lie about what you're looking for.

Save us all a lot of time.