Well, she married him and had kids with him, she's stuck with him. Those were her choices and she needs to deal with the consequences. As for her new beau, sounds to me like he's causing as much trouble as she is. If he can't deal, he needs to go. And, sometimes what others see is closer to the truth than what we'd like to believe about ourselves. She let him stay for 3 years? And answers her phone every time? Sounds to me as if he may just have a point.

Now, wait just a damn minute! If you were in this woman's position, you would have your kids for 4-1/2 days every week, as well as half of the holidays. The father would have his children 2-1/2 days every other week, and also half of the holidays. You would already be having the kids for an extra two full days every single week, and 4-1/2 days extra every other week -- days that their father would NOT have them -- and you'd still demand that you believe you're entitled to more time??

Again, it boils down to "damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't". He'd get b!tched at for not taking his kids, but he still gets b!tched at because he'd allegedly be having them for "too much of the time". Make a decision already!

I agree with you here. Just because it's "traditional" that woman have primary custody, doesn't mean it's right. Fathers have every right to have as much time with their kids as the moms. Sometimes they don't want to or can't but that should be an individual decision. My ex and I share custody 50/50, every other week, we split holidays and summers equally. If one has something going on, the other will take our son, no questions asked. We also split his expenses 50/50 and there's no child support. I realize this is an anomaly. We don't always like each other or get along but we made the decision to be parents and it's our responsibility to put aside our own personal feelings and do what's best for our child, regardless.

I have my girls every weekend. And that's the way I had it put in our divorce settlement. My ex wasn't working at the time an dit was the best arrange ment at the time. We talk about when she started working we would change the placement to hhalf the time. When she started working she doesn't want to do that now. But then she claims I get to do all the fun things with them because I have them on the weekends and she only gets to see them a few hours a day during the week because of school and her work. What does she think I'm gonna do with them on the weekends just stay in the house? She accuses me of trying to spoil them and wanting to get them to like me more than her. I work with her and let her have them on some weekends if she plans something. Then in return I had them more than half the time during the summer. She still doesn't want to go to court to change placement. When I talk to her about the child support that she was still recieving during that time she seems to think she still deserved it even tho she didn't have the girls. Now I see to her it's about the money. So I'm gonna have to go back to court now and get this changed.

Like Mr_Music said damned if you do damned if you dont!

Sorry for the rant but this topic hits real close to home.

I'm sorry you have to go through that. You can change a custody/visitation order without going to court, if both parties agree and you trust each other to live up to your agreement. If not, then court is necessary. It's also necessary for any adjustment in child support. Depending on where you live, there are father's rights attorneys who will help you out with this for little money down and monthly payments. Good luck to you!

Without knowing the guy, it's hard to make a determination what his motives are, but I go along with the majority here that at least he is spending time with his kids. If they are of teenage years, they can refuse to go with him if they wish. If he is just using them to show what a good father he is, the kids will figure that out, may have already, on their own and it's best to let them do just that....find out on their own.

I have mixed feelings about taking them on dates. Single people date..don't see the point of pretending they don't. If he is not introducing these women, or woman, whatever the case, as a possible stepmom and his sons are not being exposed to adult and/or intimate settings...or booty call, I don't see the issue. Dates like miniature golf, the park, fishing, bowling, skating, etc., I wouldn't have an issue with.

I wonder why the assumption is he's using the kids to show he's a good father? Why is it we don't assume he IS a good father and has nothing to prove at all?

Because that would go against "tradition".

and even if he really is just using them for show...isn't it the end result that counts?

actions speak more than the motivation behind them.

my ex sees mine one day a year.

Actually it is great that he is spending the time with the boys like he does and all. But...............some seem to fail to see what he is doing as well.

Why does he find the need to call her off and on all day long in order to ask questions or to say what they are doing? Excuse me the boys are both over the age of 13. Why does he need to call her all that time if is is not for a reason of his own?

Sounds to me as if he wants to have control of not only his life, the boys lives but her life as well.

Sure I wish my ex would have spent more time with my kids but not to the extreme of controlling my life as well.

Sorry I feel she has a point here if he is calling her that much I mean if the kids were little and something happened I could understand but not at the age the boys are now........

Sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyy something is wrong with this picture!~!!


The issue should not be how much he sees the kids for that is great the issue is the amount of phone calls he makes to her while having them with him!!!

Though I think its great the dad takes the sons every weekend and takes them to all those places....what is left for the mom to do when she has them??? What special thing can she do if he keeps spoiliing them?

Sometimes.....kids dont need mcdonalds and malls. They just need their mom or dad. Chill. Hang out with them.

Wouldn't being a good father be a good thing? What's he supposed to do? Stop wanting to spend all that time with the kids?

Here it is customary for the fathers to have the children every other weekend. The mom needs weekend time too. Those children should not be going on the dates!!

My kids got NO time, I got NO time off, NO child support, NOTHING...

This situation has got to be better than that..even if it isn't perfect.

Ya.....wouldnt that have been nice to have help. Instead she is b*tching!!

going by the visitstion of this guys schedule I have to say your wanting himto go down to only every other weekend is nothing but selfish, immature.... I wils top with that.

My point is, there's only 7 days in a week. she has them 4 or 5 days per week, depending on if they count friday as part of the weekend. He has them two days or two and a half days per week. As far as the half of all holidays, I dont know of a single state that doesn't already require that under normal circumstances to begin with.

he has obviously agreed to a very stable pattern and relationship with their children, and does extra while not receiving even what he SHOULD be getting by the sounds of things which is 50/50 custody.

He does not complain about only having them 2 times a week. He does their laundry while they are with him. He does stuff with them without leaving them to fend for themselves. As far as the issue of taking them on dates with him and his girlfriend, did it ever occur to anyone that MAYBE, the date itself is more geared towards a family outing and the girlfriend is invited along? Because maybe they are doing well and plan to be with each other for a very long time, and thus they kids would have the right to get to know a potential step mom at this point?


I am sorry for ranting here, but geesh, SOME women, not all but SOME just want to do everythign they can to punish their ex because they both screwed up enough that the marriage didnt work out.

I WISH my ex was more willing to be around our children, and a better part of their lives. I WISH she helped out with some of the common day issues like washing laundry.

So, stop sayiing yuo would not be content with him having the boys every weekend and half the holidays when it is obvious he is being a damn good parent, and providing for his children in every way he can.

As far as the regular phone calls to their mother; maybe, just maybe, she has caused trouble in the past and he has decided to call her regularly so that she can not cause the same toruble any more? just an opinion.

stupify-disturbed

How long have they been divorced? WOW,,, sounds like there are still feelings invloved. Taking the kids along on his dates is wrong, wrong, wrong.

The visitation arrangement should have been taken care of when the seperation was final. Usually it is just a starting point (minimum visitation rights) for the non-custidial parent.

My ex would let me have my daughter whenever i wanted her. I drove 60 miles 1 way almost every weekend for about 6 years. She finally moved in with me when she was 14 so it worked out for the better.

Any time that he spends with them is better then not seeing them at all.

going off of what you said about customary there, I woud say that if your area feels it is right for the weekends to be divvied up, then so should the weeks themselves. Time is time, period.
by saying hte father (or mother) should only have them every other weekend simply because the other one wants them on weekends too and not compensate for the lost time is nothing but vengeful, manipulative, and controlling of both the ex and the children.
Some people need to simply grow up and realize that they can not have both the cake and the ice cream, that they have to settle for half.


footnote: not saying this refers to you at all winx, just the laws in your area, and that they need to be changed.

They divide the weeks in a way. The opposite weekend that the Dads have the children....they have them that Wednesday. They alternate holidays. The Dad gets them for a few weeks every summer.

"Vengeful, manipulative,"? I don't think so. That's how most couples that I know split up visitation after the divorce. It's normal to me.

Btw, I have my child 24-7 since day 1.