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Topic: Parent or Hanger-On?
Winx's photo
Sun 09/20/09 10:53 AM

I WISH my ex was more willing to be around our children, and a better part of their lives. I WISH she helped out with some of the common day issues like washing laundry.





Aren't you the same one that complains about your ex when she's with the children?

daniel48706's photo
Sun 09/20/09 11:12 AM
I have already stated my reasons for the innapropriateness of their mother being around Winx, as you well know. And yes, I do wish she was aorund mroe, but ai also wish she was a better example. Which was my point in my response here.

This father is taking the time to be with his children. overall nothing inapropriate is being done to or around the children. As far as taking them on dates, I never saw any clarification as to what said dates were, or what they involved, how long the father had been seeing the lady, if they were engaged etc etc etc, all of which makes a very major difference in the end. As far as the telephone calls, several of us have asked now whether the lady has made trouble in the past somehow, and if he calls regularly now in order to avoid said trouble.
And one other point I just realized: This lady is complaining about the father "taking the kids out on dates" without clarifying what the date is. From what I read, her boyfriend either lives with her, or spends enough time at her house as to make no difference, which goes to suggest that the mother is allowing rgular contact between the children and her boyfriend. one word: double-standard.



I WISH my ex was more willing to be around our children, and a better part of their lives. I WISH she helped out with some of the common day issues like washing laundry.





Aren't you the same one that complains about your ex when she's with the children?

Ladylid2012's photo
Sun 09/20/09 11:14 AM


I WISH my ex was more willing to be around our children, and a better part of their lives. I WISH she helped out with some of the common day issues like washing laundry.





Aren't you the same one that complains about your ex when she's with the children?


hummm..yep!


daniel48706's photo
Sun 09/20/09 11:26 AM



First let me applaud you in being a single parent. it is not easy, nor is it fair.

however, back to what you said, let me make sure i understand correctly so theres no confusion.
weeks "A" and "B".

Week "A"
mother has children during the week (five days)
father has children weekend (two days)

Week "B"
Mother has boys m,t,th,fr saturday and sunday (6 days)
Fatehr has boys wedsnday (three or four hours max during school year)

holidays are divided evenly
summer dad gets kids for about three weeks (about 1/3 of the summer)

ok, so during week "A" mother has children for five days, and father has them 2 days

week"B" mother has 6 days, father has 4 hours.

add these two weeks together, and the mother has the kids over 10 , father has the children for less than 3 days.

he gets less time in the summer, though other holidays are divided evenly.

My math may not be very good, but this sure as hell doe snot come out to even closely being fair to either the father or the children. And yes, I understand this is how it has been done in the past, and is the normal routine in your area. That doesnt make it right. For countless centuries, women were possesions of the father or husband with absolutely NO rights at all unless granted by said father or husband. They HAD to do what the husband wanted no matter what, and it was not considered wrong in the least for him to force the issue if she tried to deny him. If by what you suggest, that it is right for the father to be so grossly refused time with his children simply baecause of "tradition for a lack of better word" then women should still be the property of their father or husband, unable to say yes or no if they want to.

disclaimer: I in no way at all approve of any such thing being allowed. Women are not property, they have every right to exactly the same thing as any man. but to sit there and claim that it is right to AUTOMATICALLY deny a father and his children an equal amount of time together, simply because traditionally that's what has been done, is just as wrong.


going off of what you said about customary there, I woud say that if your area feels it is right for the weekends to be divvied up, then so should the weeks themselves. Time is time, period.
by saying hte father (or mother) should only have them every other weekend simply because the other one wants them on weekends too and not compensate for the lost time is nothing but vengeful, manipulative, and controlling of both the ex and the children.
Some people need to simply grow up and realize that they can not have both the cake and the ice cream, that they have to settle for half.

footnote: not saying this refers to you at all winx, just the laws in your area, and that they need to be changed.


A divorced friend of mine has two teenage sons (15 and 13) her ex husband insists the boys spend every week-end and half of all of their holidays with him. During the week-ends he takes them to the "usual dad's places" Mcdonalds,shopping mall, and has even taken them on his dates noway

My friend and I are of the opinion that he is using the boys to show what a "good father" he is...............Opinions please.

*Footnote* I posted this topic here because I know not a lot of people go into the "parenting" forums.


Here it is customary for the fathers to have the children every other weekend. The mom needs weekend time too. Those children should not be going on the dates!!



They divide the weeks in a way. The opposite weekend that the Dads have the children....they have them that Wednesday. They alternate holidays. The Dad gets them for a few weeks every summer.

"Vengeful, manipulative,"? I don't think so. That's how most couples that I know split up visitation after the divorce. It's normal to me.

Btw, I have my child 24-7 since day 1.

no photo
Sun 09/20/09 11:39 AM
He sounds like a parent to me.

God, my kids would die for their Dad to take them to the mall and mcdonalds every weekend. This woman needs to get her head on straight. She's bitching about him taking the kids on dates, yet she lives with a man? A lot of hypocritical stuff going on here. She may have agreed to every weekend in the beginning thinking she would have more time with her man, and now regrets doing it. There's no way I would ever agree to have my kids only on school days. Both parents need fun time with the kids, IF you have a father who's willing to participate. She should be thanking the lord she has that for her children.

Not directed at you OP in any way, but this story has me pissed off. Pissed off because of my own situation and pissed off for the men that try so hard and get no respect at all from women like this. Talk about double standards! Sigh.

daniel48706's photo
Sun 09/20/09 11:47 AM
exactly, and thank you. And heaven forbid someone in my situation, where I have our children due to reasons I am not gonna mention any more, as I don't want my head chewed off again, yet I am an a$$hole for going into court, or intending to, in order to prevent what little contact she has, AFTER GETTING THE BACKING OF A MINIMUM OF TEN DOCTORS AND PSYCHIATRISTS AND SOCIAL SERVICES. I am the one who is wrong and having double standards, because I am all for this guy in the post who is being a good and responsible parent, I am all for 50/50 custody to begin with, but because there are reasons for my childrens mother to NOT have custody or even visitation, I am an abusive and controlling, manipulative ex-husband (who happens to be the one hwo filed for the divorce int he first place).

Sorry for going off topic a tad. but I figured this was a good place to shwo those interested in what was going on between winx, lady and I concerning ther questions about my complaints against my ex.



He sounds like a parent to me.

God, my kids would die for their Dad to take them to the mall and mcdonalds every weekend. This woman needs to get her head on straight. She's bitching about him taking the kids on dates, yet she lives with a man? A lot of hypocritical stuff going on here. She may have agreed to every weekend in the beginning thinking she would have more time with her man, and now regrets doing it. There's no way I would ever agree to have my kids only on school days. Both parents need fun time with the kids, IF you have a father who's willing to participate. She should be thanking the lord she has that for her children.

Not directed at you OP in any way, but this story has me pissed off. Pissed off because of my own situation and pissed off for the men that try so hard and get no respect at all from women like this. Talk about double standards! Sigh.

earthytaurus76's photo
Sun 09/20/09 12:15 PM

My friend says when he has the children he phones her constantly........... For the most mundane things, she feels he is spying on her. I can only say what she has said, but I do know he is beginning to irritate her.



uh huhhhhhh....

earthytaurus76's photo
Sun 09/20/09 12:16 PM


Damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't. The boy can't win for losing.


Yep, something like that. I did point out to her the benefits of having every week-end to herself, especially as her ex does the laundry for the children (school clothes) I think what she doesn't want is the running commentary of where he will be taking them and phone calls when they arrive at their destination. She has told him that the boys are old enough to tell her what a lovely or shoddy time they had on their outing.


mmmm hmmmmmmm... wierd.

no photo
Sun 09/20/09 12:32 PM
taking the boys on dates is a big no-no noway
if he is just using them to make points with women, shame on him!

Rockmybobbysocks's photo
Sun 09/20/09 12:36 PM


Damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't. The boy can't win for losing.


Yep, something like that. I did point out to her the benefits of having every week-end to herself, especially as her ex does the laundry for the children (school clothes) I think what she doesn't want is the running commentary of where he will be taking them and phone calls when they arrive at their destination. She has told him that the boys are old enough to tell her what a lovely or shoddy time they had on their outing.


tell her to stop answering the phone. if its an emergency she'll get a text that says 911.

or they will leave a message. seriously she can enjoy her free time a little and appreciate the fact that she has an active father for her children.

god what i wouldn't have done to have an active father in my life.

BonnyMiss's photo
Sun 09/20/09 02:18 PM
I'm back, only for a short while, it is my bedtime..... In anser to most of the comments posted; none of us are aware of what goes on behind closed doors, I only have her word. As anyone knows there is always three sides to a story, his side,her side and the right side...........

When I got my divorce the courts decided that my ex husband should have the children for three hours every Wednesday, I rang him and told him he could have them every other week-end if he wanted, he jumped at the chance,my children soon got tired of him coming to get them.
laugh laugh laugh

Mr_Music's photo
Sun 09/20/09 02:22 PM
Edited by Mr_Music on Sun 09/20/09 02:28 PM
But then, if he stopped calling (or she stopped answering the phone, whichever is more feasible), then she would b!tch because she wasn't being kept in the loop.

Naturally, it would still be all his fault....
whoa

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