kids stealing money right out from under your nose..and you don't
realize it until they took a large sum? I just found out mine did and it
was a large sum of money. I won't go into details but I found out they
did wednesday. I wanted to beat them but didn't. I came so close to
calling the cops and having them sent to juvenile hall. They are good
kids but they weren't thinking the money I had in a locked cabinet in my
locked bedroom(when i'm gone) was for emergency money..in case something
happens to the van or I have to have surgery(possible).

How old are your kids?

the 2 that took the money...11 and 13. I've already grounded them from
everything, took the tv,vcr and game cube away. took my oldest off the
the demo team for the karate school.

Taking stuff away from your kids, will not replace the money.

Stopping sports will not replace the money.

How does one learn the impacts of their actions?

By being accountable.

A number of options come to mind for me...game cube thing, tv and vcr,
can be sold, to replace the money, and 'Community Service' in lieu of
the balance...

What do I mean by 'Community Service'?

Well, mowing lawns, and weeding gardens for elderly neighbours springs
to mind. Teaching your kids the value of money, has a higher impact,
than just punishing, beating, and/or reporting them to the police.

And they learn that, by what they lose, permanently..or until they have
earnt the money to replace these items themselves.

Kate there is more that comes into play here, too.

Has not your world changed recently?

Did you not have some fairly big plans this year?

With the changes that have occurred, for whatever reasons, they do
impact on the kids...especially as the plans that you did have would
have had effect on them...and now, they are displaying, perhaps, the
impact these changes to the plans have had..

Kids spell love T.I.M.E. take some for all of you..you guys all deserve
it.

I've already thought about paper routes, mowing yards for those who
can't. I had that money set back in case of emergency like me possibly
having surgery in the next month or 2. I'm going to be off work and I
needed that money to help pay bills. Yes there has been a change...My ex
moved out. I know they were upset but it doesn't excuse them for their
actions.

I agree whole- heartedly, actions always have consequences.

And now they have to pay the price.

For society's laws are waiting for them as adults.

I can hear the frustration, and the disappointment, and also, a little
fear...you have to find the money somehow, to replace what is missing..

That's where they can help, and at the same time, learn the consequences
of their actions.

My oldest has already been told that if I let him have a paper route
that all that money he gets is going to pay me back. My 11 year old will
have to start cleaning the house and mowing the yards..only when i'm
around..don't trust him by himself with a lawnmower yet.

beating them wont teach them anything. Fear based parenting never works.

My daughter once stole a candy bar at walmart. I used the experience to
teach her. Took her to the manager. Let the manager explain about theft.
I explained to her that people go to jail for stealing etc. It was an
eye opener for her. I think this teaches her more than punishing her.

Talk to a local business, and see if they will let them wash cars in the
parking lot. Then to make the point...put a sign out that says " car
wash $10. We stole money from our mom, and need to pay her back."
Guarantee the humiliation keeps them from doing it again.

good suggestion incognito but I have to suggest against the humiliation.
The way moststates are now with child abuse issues and what not, Kate
coulb be facing the loss of her children for the public humiliation. I
personally do not think it would be wrong, I agree that humiliation can
be a very good teaching aid if used properly, but you know how the big
brother is about children.

also another issue state could and probably would hit her on, is child
labor laws. The state would literally look at that as you putting your
children to work.

tell your youngins to just take their time bringing that money back as
their punishment will begin just as soon as it is returned.

I've got a friend helping me out. They are dismantling computers and
what they make I'm getting. Also lawns needs mowed around here and they
will do that too.

hehe...when your children want a dinner out, apologize and say that the
money that you could have used for such is replacing the missing money.
when they wish for a new game, a new outfit, spending money, a
haircut...once again, that money is replacing the lost funds.

actions have reactions, and natural consequences work much better than
beatings and humiliation ever could. as adults, we face natural
consequences every day...and so should children.

my daughter was doing the same thing and we pretended she was caught on
tape.Boy was she pissed.I dont know what they bought for the money but I
hope you had them take it back.My daughter was grounded but had to sell
some of her stuff to get it back.May I suggest a yard sale of the guilty
parties favorite personal items??

Chores are good in their own way. However I liked Mom's attitude better
than Dad's at first when I think of it in retrospect. Mom had nine kids
but two with my Dad. My older sister and me did a lot of chores around
the house growing up. But eventually as the other seven were born they
inherited our chores. At first with Dad you just did what you were told.
He just mentioned it first the second time with the look in his eyes he
didn't even have to speak as you knew where he was coming from. You
really didn't have a choice. But eventually we got an allowance and we
weren't just slaves any more. We really didn't have an union but we did
get compensated. Still some things you didn't get compensated for they
were just chores. Our trouble was we didn't have any union stewards
growing up. Granny didn't even give any compensation at all unless you
take into consideration the cakes and the cookies. But Granny made you
get a switch and then used it on you. Granny didn't walk softly but
carry a big stick but walked loudly and carried a little switch.

The children need to know the value of money and the responsibilities of
their actions. They need to work and earn the money to pay you back.
They also need to learn the leason of your values. They have violated
your trust. Be sure to do the right thing now. They are growing up fast
and will soon be in the adult world. Let them know you love them but
they have to pay the consequences. I do not advice you to humiliate them
in public. They need to learn the leason but not hurt their spirit. I
hope all goes well.

Think of you
Melody

oh believe me, once this volunteer session is over they think they are
getting a new computer like everyone else does. Won't they be surprised
when they walk out empty handed. They are going to know what it feels
like to work hard and have nothing to show for it.

I just completed a parenting program geared for parents with teenagers.
There is a much better way of parenting now than when i was young. Back
then my ass would have been whooped.

Now? just drive em down to the local salvation army and purchase the
most dorky ugly unfashionable clothes you can find and put them in them.

Then sit there with them as they eat meals with those LESS fortunate
then they are.
Sell every goodie they own to pay you back.

VOW to GO EVERYWHERE WITH THEM THE ENTIRE SUMMER AND SCHOOL TIME TOO.
Aint that a biatch when mom is around and your a teenager. Embarrasing
too!

and of course you can VOLUNTEER them to clean up say dog crap at the
local animal shelter for years. Yeah....that sounds pretty good. Ya
think?!!!!